just wondered what other people here do when all they want is to go back to the past, to go “home.”
to see those who were your “home” … maybe you sold your old home and want it back.
tonight I have those feelings very badly. just wanted to express myself … though it probably will not help. I am having a rotten night and all I can think of are my dear mom and dad in their king sized bed, one at each end, watching t.v. reading a book always there and available to me. now, it is all gone. all of it. I am having trouble encompassing those feelings right now.
Yes, I sometimes feel like that too. It is like homesickness, that longing to be back in my parents home. It was always the place to go to. I am from the Netherlands and moved to the UK in 1992, where I have my own home and family, but every year I would go back ‘home’ many times. Since their death I have only been back twice and it was very strange I no longer had ‘hone’ to go to. I stayed with one of my sisters. During the pandemic I did not travel. Now I would like to go and see my sisters, but at the same time I think it will be hard because of not being able to go ‘home’. I can understand your feelings. I dont have an answer, but sometimes it helps to know that you are not the only having those feelings. xx Jo
I was just saying in another thread how I have been having dreams where I am a child (but not I am as I am now) and am at my grandparents old farm and ringing my mum asking why she has t been to get me or how long is it until she is coming. I think that is my brain trying to file this concept of her “being home”
It’s trying to build that sense of home within yourself because that’s where your parents are. I can’t remember where I saw it but someone said if I was missing mum squeeze my arm until. I could feel the bone - that is mum, she runs in the bone of me
I read a quote a few years ago that says ‘Grief from a parents death feels like you want to go home but can’t, ever again.’ My mum died in April 2019, and my dad died in December last year, and this is how it feels completely. I long to go home, but to be a child again when I had both my parents, and I could hug them and speak to them. The hole that is left in my life now they have both gone is so big. We have had to sell mum and dad’s house, it’s all going through at the moment, and it is like another loss for me. We moved there when I was seven, the majority of my childhood memories are in that house, and I have always known I had a home there if I ever needed it (I’m 41 now). It feels like the house is my last physical link to mum and dad, and now I’m losing that too. I feel like I am right at the beginning of the real intense wanting to go home, but I never can again, and I just don’t know how to deal with it. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, I feel that too xx
You put it perfectly.
Mum lost her dad when she was 14 and would often talk about she never felt at home again since. The nearest thing to being home was being with me and we did always live together. This house we came to 24 years ago, and she was fiercely proud that despite all we’ve been through she was able to leave me a house. But yes the home, the heart is different and I now understand what she meant when she said she never felt at home anywhere and was always seeming to be searching but what it was, was her dad she wanted.
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. Made me tear up, it’s been a tough day but we plod on
me too. I never knew where home was as we lived abroad here and there … my father was a contract author and we were artists, eschewing the “regular.”
then we ended up in a house we never loved … I sold it.
now, all is wish for is that house! it is a feeling never to be found again.