My husband died 9 weeks ago suddenly on the 15/4/24. He “loved “ to shop! I found 22 pairs of trainers some of them still boxed ! Just for example ! His belongings are everywhere, his knives in the kitchen, his glasses still on his side of the bed . I have given some of his clothes to my son, and to his children , I also gave his children sentimental items , but I still have a lot of his “stuff” around me, people are asking me “WHY” am I hanging on to his stuff ! As it’s just stuff ? I feel like I have already sorted quite a lot of his belongings already and I find it upsetting and what is the rush ? Should I be clearing out all of his things or is it ok to wait ? And how long for ?
4 Likes
Hi,
it’s for you to decide when you feel able to deal with your husband’s things.
I had pressure put on me the day after my husband died to get rid of the car. I was also asked on that same day what I was going to do with his clothes. I still have the car and the clothes!
So do what you want, what feels right for you, what gives you comfort.
Take care and be kind to yourself,
Big hug and lots of love,
Rose xx
6 Likes
Oh the same here re his car ! His son actually asked me for his car the day before the funeral ! So his car actually went two weeks ago (not to the son or anyone I knew )! Only because I had a lot of people who “wanted “ it and I couldn’t be doing with the hassle ! I also have his daughter asking for his Dads watch collection (as that is what he would of wanted ? In her words ) how would she of known that ? She didn’t have any contact with him for the past decade ? I find it all very upsetting .
3 Likes
I agree. It is upsetting.
Some people can be very selfish and quite frankly disappointing.
Rose xx
1 Like
You should do it when it’s right for you I lost my husband 8 months ago and still have his clothes.
I did sale the car but I found that upsetting when I went out and see the car standing there when I came back
Thinking of you take care x
1 Like
The time is right when you are ready not when anyone else thinks it should be done.I got rid of his clothes quickly but kept a few things.We are all different and nobody’s got the right to tell you what to do.
1 Like
Its so so hard isn’t it
I still can’t even open the wardrobe door, let alone sort his clothes out.
I think as some sort of way of not having to do it I’ve been sorting my wardrobe out.
Stupid I know, but at least I’m sorting something 
Its something we all have to do in our own time
I did get rid of some books, and an old sideboard I never liked, quite soon and then I felt guilty.
Now I shan’t even try until the time serms right, whenever that maybe
Big hugs x
1 Like
Take your time! Only you will know when you are ready, if ever.
I lost my lovely Jimmy six months and five days ago. It was sudden and unexpected in his sleep. His shoes are still in the bedroom where he took them off the night before and I haven’t washed the clothes he had on the night before. I smell and hug them often.
I have given some bits to family, but I can’t get rid of most of his things. I need to feel like he’s still here.
It’s a very personal thing. Do what is best for you.
Sending love.
1 Like
Well I wore a scruffy old top this afternoon of his. I like doing that. I gave swopped a pair of his shoes and trousers he never wore for stuff that fitted me. I used his squishy anorak in a pillowcase as a cushion. I might make another scare crow with his old clothes but I expect I will get told I am weird by my daughter’s in law which makes me want to do it all the more. What a cheek.
I just say well then tough because I like being like whatever I want just like you do too. I have it ideas that pass my mind.
There isn’t a right time. The more the neighbours made comments about his car the more I wouldn’t do what they said. They are so irritating deciding what you should do based on what they think when it has nothing to do with them.
2 Likes
Entirely up to how you feel. I lost my Sandie 17 months ago…but if she were to walk in the door now (I wish:cry:) she would find everything in the house pretty much exactly as she left it…including all her stuff…when I do anything with it …will be when it happens 
4 Likes
I’ve put my wife’s things in her wardrobe , so they are out of sight but won’t be getting rid of anything anytime soon , maybe ever who knows .
One thing I would say as a ‘watch guy’ is make sure they aren’t worth a fortune before you give them all to his daughter ( if as you say you aren’t sure he wanted her to have them ) .
Oh don’t worry she isn’t having them ! She should of wanted her Dad for spending time with him not for his valuables ! I gave them some “sentimental “ stuff and she said “they didn’t have much of their Dad !” To me sentimental stuff is priceless !
2 Likes
I think you answered your own question…you find it upsetting and wonder what’s the rush. You have it in a nutshell. There is no rush. you’ll do it when you feel the time is right for you (or you get a serious attack of clothes moths).
I couldn’t wait to get rid of the commodes, the walking frames, the recently acquired clothes and slippers that he needed when he was a seriously ill man. And somehow I managed to steel myself to take all his old glasses to the optician to be recycled. But other than that, his real clothes are still in the wardrobe. His bike and his surfboard and a concrete mixer are still in the shed. It’s not that long ago that I had to clear out my mothers house and take endless trips to charity shops. I’m not ready to do it again yet with Neil’s stuff. And I like wearing his old fleece when I’m gardening.
Don’t let anyone else’s expectations drive you. Do it incrementally if that suits you best.
2 Likes
There’s no rush. After 8 months I’ve managed to take some things to the charity shop, but only those clothes he’d not yet worn. His everyday clothes are still here, and his coat still hanging by the door. I often hug it as I go past, just to feel close to him again. Don’t let anyone try to make you do anything; weeks, months, years, it’s only when you feel ready.
3 Likes
I have donated some of my husband’s clothes. He wanted me to part ex our car before it lost more value and even told me what to buy. I did so on my own and feel Ive done the right thing. So much other stuff I can’t bear to let go. Maybe in time.
3 Likes
My son died 10 weeks ago, I have so much of his “stuff” here. I try to tell myself its only “stuff” but even touching it hurts me so much. My grandson came over and I Iet him take anything he liked. His comment “Me and Stephen had really similar tastes” hurt me but made me happy at the same time. My grandson is now wearing my sons ring. Bittersweet
5 Likes
Its nearly 6 months now since my husband died and I still have all his stuff. In fact if he walked in the door very little has changed. His car is on the drive, glasses beside his chair, and his pens on the desk in his study. I wear his sweatshirt and padded shirt to the allotment, and some of his golf windstoppers when I play. I will have a sort through only when I think the time is right.
2 Likes
How would anyone know how you are feeling ? what you should do ? when should you take a holiday ? when should you let your husband/wife’s belongings go,etc,etc, other than you ?
Even we who are on this journey with you don’t know,wouldn’t even suggest a timescale and even you could today decide to let their things go and then tomorrow feel horrified that you even thought it and change your mind.
Generally other people are making suggestions because they are detached from actually doing it themselves,it’s so easy to be wise for others so for me my wife’s belongings,( which are actually my wife,) will only go at some point in the future that even I don’t know the timing of just yet.( it’s one year on Thursday since I tragically lost her and her things are still with me,)
It isn’t as simple as others think,this is you,me and all of us letting a part of our partners go … it isn’t just about giving things to friends or relatives or charity, it’s about us letting go of a massive chunk of our lives that we no longer have.
Listen to your heart and you will hear the person you lost telling you what to do,it’s between you and him just as decisions always were. xx
9 Likes
Totally agree!
1 Like
Wow … isnt it amazing who comes out of the woodwork for things ? Do what you think is best … thats all we can rver do isnt it ? X
1 Like