I lost my hubby nearly 5 years ago now, he could walk in tonight and would still know where everything is kept. It took me 18 months before I could empty his wardrobe but I still can’t bear the thought of getting rid of any of it. I’ve kept everything not decorated or changed anything as still too painful. Don’t be pressured or bullied into getting tid of anything you don’t want to. You will only regret it. Do it in your own time. We all understand how hard it is, my hubby’s jacket is still on back of his computer chair and I kiss it every night before I go to bed because that’s where he always sat. I hope things get easier for you especially with time.
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Hi @RoseGarden this is gonnasound really bad but 3 years in I still haven’t sorted my husband stuff .. theyre all still in the drawers…I found it too painful but I really must do it ya know … its silly really … think.im ready now xx
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It doesn’t sound bad.
People will be ready in their own time.
Of course, sometimes things happen that may require possessions to be moved.
There is no need to be critical of yourself or anyone, there is no need to be ashamed or cross.
I know someone whose dad asked her to take away her mother’s clothes the day after she died.
Someone else could manage it after a couple of years.
A friend’s mother did it after 30 years because she was moving.
We are all individual.
Please be kind to yourself.
I hope you are as ok as you can be Deb5 xx
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When I was angry or too tired to care. The burden was sorting. Personally caring about everything. Couldn’t do it. 40 minute bursts with only Scrap Save then hired a service to remove the stuff. My husband did not need 12 rusting ratchet sets and I do not either and he is not that nor am I. Regrets? Sure. My best touchstone for this is the film Rabbit Hole. The Stuff of the deceased is a main character and it is beautifully cathartic.
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Yeh I’m ok thanks. It’s just hard somedays. I did have a nice boyfriend who is still a friend though. That was really nice cos its diverted my attention from my sorrow .. but still his stuff in wardrobe is there and I not moved it … my daughter says she will help me move it … its sad innit letting go … I never wanted to let him go … he was precious to me xx
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It is very sad xx
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I know but we learn to live with it dont we I suppose … but all my friends ego lost their husbands are struggling . I di think though its better when you are in a relationship… tbh .. takes away a lot of the pain x
I so agree it’s whatever feels right and comfortable to the individual. I have kept my husbands 3 false teeth he had to have when he lost 3 bottom teeth. People think I’m odd doing that but to me they are very much him and keeping them gives comfort. I also keep his dressing gown hanging next to mine on the bedroom door and his slippers by his side of the bed. Whatever feels right for anyone they should do as said before only you know your pain and what can be of help. Best wishes to all.
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Yes I found a pair of left over jeans of my husbands yesterday. I got rid of lot of them. Saw this bag making demo from jeans but I have masses of bags. A charity bag came through the door. Yesterday and put a skirt of mine and two of my books. I decided to put in something decent of his as he always donated stuff himself. Decided to find something of his bric a brac least that I value in there. I am watching clean it fix it again on TV. My chair broke because my son was leaning back and I didn’t tell him to stop but felt disrespected he did it and he collapsed on the floor when it broke. I was worried he had hurt himself. I didn’t go crazy like at other times but it saddened me. It was just left there so I will have to lace it back together again. Why am I so sad? We chose those chairs when we married and they cost two weeks wages each. They were out first purchase. We both liked them. Always have but why put this sentimentality on it? People keep dying of our era and was reading the diary I wrote in lockdown. He was in it each day and moaned then but he was here then and knew it would be him who would suffer without his usual care. And he died in 2022. So so sad. But life is sad. But it is also glad sometimes even among it all. I move his books out of the way. I need the space.
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How sad for you that you had another situation in this mess. I have joyful thoughts of you selecting the furniture. In the film Rabbit Hole which I recommend for grieving, the first scene the bereaved finally plants some flowers in her garden and the neighbor steps on them accidentally. It feels like life is full of unexpected trouble now but it was also full of unexpected joy before. I’m sorry about what you are going through. Sending a cool glass of water
Because my relationship was abusive it’s been hard for me. I kept his wedding ring and any clothing I could use for myself and sent everything to pawn shops and shelters. I have kept his wedding ring on my wallet fob since that’s a legitimate way to recognize him and I am grateful for what he gave me (quite a lot more now than when he alive but that wasn’t my choice and I never tried to control him only know him). It took a year before I didn’t want to smash everything. What I couldn’t manage I put away and there wasn’t much left. Unworn gifts and business suits. He was a Time Bender that one. He cared more about my future than his own. Only his business computers and files remain now. I also threw out a lot of our wedding gifts which were a burden to me and have now only simple appropriate articles for me to live here as I do. I didn’t have the courage to make changes before. He never ever took off his wedding ring so I keep that most cherished. I got a finger tattoo eventually so I couldn’t throw my ring at him any more. Silk is strong but thin.
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