When does the heartache end?

Hi im new on here, i joined because i dont feel like i have anyone i can talk to…I lost one of my friends who was also my ex last year to suicide. I went to his flat 2 days before he did it because someone msgd me asking if i had seen/heard from him…his light was on but i didnt shout up to him because it was late…i carry massive guilt because i should have done more but him disappearing wasnt unusual for him he would often fall off the radar…anyway i cant stop missing him and wishing i could change things and i still feel like he will pop up…after a year it still doesn’t quite feel real and my heart just breaks everyday i think about him…when does it get better?

You are not a fortune teller,there is no way you could have known what was going to happen,most of us,who have lost people, go through this guilt and it serves no purpose other than to make you feel like shit.
The grief you feel,based on my experience,should soften with time.

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Some days are better than others today is a bad day. No im not a fortune teller but i cant help thinking if i had just got someone to let me in i could have possibly prevented it, it just breaks me to think he felt that alone… since he passed i havent felt the same about anything really it feels like theres a massive hole. Thank you for replying it does mean alot.

My wife Joan had a bad back,which was not unusual, I suggested that she got in the bath to see if it reduced the pain,it was the last time I spoke to her,we cannot control everything unfortunately.