I remember you, I remember the first time we met.
I look back at our time together with absolutely no regret.
When I remember you, I remember the first time I looked into your eyes.
I couldn’t believe my luck, I thought I had won first prize.
When I remember you, I remember when you stole my heart.
I knew from that first moment they could never keep us apart.
When I remember you, I remember our favourite song,
But somehow it sounds different without you humming along.
When I remember you, I always shed a tear
For every moment we had together and every happy year.
When I remember you, I miss our walks alone at night,
Stars in the sky, hand in hand, we surely were a sight.
When I remember you and the love we always shared,
Of life without you at my side, no way was I prepared,
So now when I remember you, my love, I remember mostly this…
I’ll see you soon in paradise, and together we’ll reminisce.
For some reason, today is the worst day it’s been for me, I just can’t stop crying. I thought I was getting stronger, but I’m not.
I hope that sharing these poems will be of some comfort for us all.
The poems are beautiful and do bring comfort, along with tears.
I am sorry today is taking it toll. I know everyone wants to see sunshine and sunny days, but certainly for me it does lead to more tears and heartbreak as I just need my husband to be sharing this time with me and I know it is not going to happen.
Today I cried as I always do when I get up then I have been distracted rest of the day, getting my husband’s car ready to sell. I did cry as I emptied his CD’s, his gloves, tools etc from the car. He loved his gadgets.
Tomorrow it will be sold and that will be another heartbreak.
Yes, heartbreak just about sums it up. When I sold my husband’s car a few months ago, it was collected by a man from the garage I had sold it to and both my granddaughter and I were in bits! He loved that car, but hadn’t been able to drive it that much as, soon after he bought it, the tendons in both his legs snapped, making driving impossible. This made it extra hard to sell it as he hadn’t really had the joy of it. Life is a bitch sometimes and that’s a fact.
I share & understand your sorrow. Its been 11 weeks tomorrow since my dear lovely big guy died of covid. It is getting worse each day. Praying for sleep then having the nightmares that he has left me, he’s still out there, he’s just left me & won’t come home, he won’t answer his phone. I’m running down stairs & the bottom steps are missing. No joy in anything at all. And the fear, I’m starting to get unwell & he looked after me with such kindness, love & compassion. I am taking dizzy spells tinnitus & hand arm tingling, I ended up passing out on kitchen floor yesterday & was so scared he wasn’t with me. I just cried, it so hopeless. I just don’t want to be here.
I am really sorry that your husband suffered the snapped tendons and prevented him from enjoying the vehicle. You summed up life totally.
I never got involved with the cars so started to search for the service history - I know he lost the book itself but my husband was OCD at keeping receipts - but could not find them. Then remembered the garages now send them via email but we being ‘old-fashioned’ never shared our passwords. Fortunately the people at Halfords have been really helpful and after some security/data-protection screening and checks they have sent through the information for me.
Tomorrow will be another difficult day but in reality I just cannot afford to keep both vehicles.
I am so sorry, I know too well those feelings. I listened to the radio yesterday as they commented on everything we had to look forward to. I don’t think the media helps sometimes because I for one want to scream and remind them that there are people who have lost their loved ones during this crap time (and before) and just ask them to have some respect and recognise it is not all celebrations for some. For me I am now just trying to pull myself up out of this pit I find myself in and avoid those things and those people who upset me - this includes some family members - and start again to try and take one day at a time.
I spoke with one of my friends about my fears and she came up with a number of good suggestions, one being the door-bell camera to allay my fears about security. She also lives on the same estate and we have discussed ways that I can raise an alarm if I need help.
Please know that myself and others on this site are here for you. We may even sometimes be at the same place on this rollercoaster but hopefully together with can pull us through the darkness.
All the things others have to look forward to is particularly painful, but I do wish them hope & happiness. I just read a painful, painful post by one of my Facebook friends saying no one will force him to get this vaccination, its all untested & conspiratorial etc. If only he could feel even 1% of my pain right now. I wish my man had had his vacs - he died because it wasn’t available for him in time. He died because of bad timing. To save him i would have signed up for voodoo or Trumps bleach, anything that would have kept him alive.
I am now trying to avoid social media for this very reason. So many have been lost because of the virus and comments on Facebook by those opposing the vaccinations is stupid. My husband did not die as a result of Covid but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I had one wish it would be to rewind the past 12 months so things could be changed and lives saved.
Dear Sheila, I remember selling my wife’s car and emptying out the contents. She had items for her grandkids, me and herself even the just in case things. She kept suvenior pens, her CD’s , crossword puzzles and her umbrella, a guardian angel pin, a cross and many napkins as well as a water bottle. I put the car booklet and so forth in the glove compartment, cleaned up the inside of the car - passed the car on to her son (who bought it for his girlfriend) and drove off with it. For me, it was a sad moment as I had ridden in that car with her many times. Your message brought back this memory of the woman I loved.
Herb
The love you had for your wife is clear in everything you write.
Yes, for me too I had to sit one last time in the driver’s seat remembering my husband’s smile and him asking where we were going to go for the day. I removed every little item, including the ‘emergency coins’ he kept in one of the compartments, but I left the yellow daffodil he had placed in the car from Marie Curie when his mother died - just did not feel right to remove it.
A particularly sad day as I have to get rid of something that reminded me of him so much.
Dear Sheila, Thank yo8u for the nice message. When I look at the
messages on this forum I can see I’m not necessarily the efforts I had hoped, being that what I say seems rather dull and boring, which is OK with me. Sometimes I read a message like yours that bring on a tear or two. I try not to read too much because most messages are very sad, and it makes me sad too - also reminding me that I once a very gentle-spirited wife who loved me with all heart. When I go out to the store I ignore all those feelings - just like her car - she wanted to drive to various stores, so I was her sidekick on most of these trips (It was Ok with me). I remember the first trip I made to get groceries - I had to make the trip fast because I was trying so hard not to show my deep feelings - I was on the brink of crying with big time tears in my eyes… (Not because of the but because we had always gone to the store together — now I do it alone- I truly missed her). I told her son that as long as I live I shall never be able to meet anyone like her. I was never this emotional in my time, she inspired to be a better person - especially now. I’m sorry - but I didn’t mean to go this far - it just slipped out. Anyway, please take care - we don’t have to feel alone when talking or missing a loved one. Have a nice days today.
Herb
Thank you. The garage I have sold the car to have let me know that they have taken the daffodil out but are going to keep it displayed in their office. My mother-in-laws birthday on Friday, me and husband would have done something - just small - but to mark the day. Now it is just me having to remember both of them.
My first and subsequent shopping trips have all ended in disaster. I cannot bring myself to buy meals for one. We were a typical North East family which meant we had ‘dinners’ of mince and dumplings, casseroles and Yorkshire puddings (sorry I know you do not live in the UK). There is no point in making these meals most of it would be wasted so I usually just have a tin of soup - not healthy or filling I know but life is difficult at the moment.
Hi again Sheila, Well, like you, I too have had to do some bigtime adjusting. My wife used to make some nice meals - I am not a cook, but am learning to make simple meals. I have noticed that there are so many changes taking place in the world – I suppose the young people will adapt but somehow I feel some of us older people will look back on the days we had before the corona virus as well as the political changes took place. I felt I had to add my comments in there this time. Have a nice day.
Herb
Thank you. You are right the younger generation will adapt. The death of my husband is one change I will never adapt to. I have said before after 42 years together there is not enough decades left to get over his loss.
Have our grandson today so will make the little one a dinner like a did for my husband.
hi Sheila, Did you recently say that your grandson had the traits of your husband? Isn’t it amazing how family traits and habits seem to pass from one generation to the next one or two. I guess life is like that isn’t it? The younger generation take over where we left off - Yes, we would love to still be here to see how they manage. Not trying to philosophize - but in time, we will join our loved ones - I believe there has to be an afterlife - I cannot explain it but it just seems it should be that way. I know how you must feel - because they are not here with us to share the life here with us. I too, spent my day cleaning and rakings leaves (again) like I usually do. Then come inside our home where she would ask " are you done now?" Then she wanted to know are you hungry - can I cook something for you? (She was wonderful!!!) How I miss her! I have to maintain hope that I will see her again one day when I shall join her. In the meantime I must set an example for them - at least this is the way I look at it now. I’m sure you feel the same. Stay hopeful Sheila!
Write back when you can.
Herb
Yes little grandson has many traits and characteristics of my son/husband including his ringlet locks of hair.
I have to believe there is an afterlife. I cannot bear thinking that I will not see my husband again. I just find myself questioning why we worked so hard and made so many sacrifices for a good retirement to have it taken from us.
Easter was another time of celebration in our family home. Today is difficult to say the least.
Like your wife I would watch my husband do the jobs in the garden and the house, taking him tea and plenty of biscuits.