My wife, Bev, died 19 months ago and recently I have dealt with all the legal issues, LPA, probate, Land Registry etc. I now feel that I should start sorting through her clothes etc to donate to the local charity that has given us help during her last days. My son seems ok with this but my daughter is unwilling to commit to coming to our house to do this. Am I doing this too soon? I am not trying to remove her memory from my life or the house, in fact her photos are in nearly every room and I have kept her favourite coat and her honeymoon dress but there are dozens of dresses, skirts, jeans etc that could be sold to raise much needed funds to help others. I don’t want to rush my daughter but is it too soon?
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Hi, its coming up to 2 year for my husband who was only 46 yr old .I’ve not moved a thing ,even his beloved football tops are still as he had them , but I am thinking the same to start taking afew things to the local charity shop ,eventually all of his clothes apart from his SAFC tops .
I think if you think its time then do it ,as you say ,you have plenty photos its not like you’re erasing her memory .
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Hello, so sorry for your loss, I have the same problem, my wife died just over 14 months ago, I have her photos around our home, and still have her clothes, I have tried to sort them and give to charity, but I keep getting feelings like I am giving her away for good, I know she won’t come back but what good are there doing
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mine has been gone 18 months, i got rid of most of his stuff within a few day of him dying, certainly clothes. the only things i hav of his apart from photos are his computer, his dog ornaments that he collected and his ashes and of course the memories. i personnally cant see any sense in keeping anything else taking up room. we were together 48 yrs but my life has changed not that i like it oner bit but he isnt coming back so no point in keeping the stuff. its your decision and no one elses, you dont have to ask anyone.
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Hi Jeff,
I dont think theres is a right time, its different for everyone and you have to do what feels right. My partner had a makeup/dressing room in our house and I swore I would never clear it out, but around week 21 i just went in there one day to look for something and ended up clearing a lot of clothes. She was passionate about donating to women in need so I took them all to Women’s Aid. Her best friends came round and took whatever pieces they wanted and sorted through all of her makeup stuff. Although i was hurting while i was doing it and missing her, it felt right at the time, and i feel like shes helped other people and i have the extra space for our daughters things. There are things I kept, like her favourite pieces of clothing and jewellery. Maybe you could try doing it bit by bit, go through 10 items one day or week and 10 the next? That way it wont feel like you’re rushing it and itll give you, your son and your daughter time to process it
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I have now sorted all of Bevs clothes, shoes, handbags etc, put them on the bed and made a promise to myself that none will go back in the wardrobes. It’s a horrible thing to have to do but they are all there in plain sight and hopefully my daughter will visit soon to help donate them to charity.
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I got rid of most of Keef’s clothes quite early on as I hated going in the wardrobe we shared and seeing them all of the time. I’ve kept one or two t-shirts which we got on our last holiday, summer 2023, when visiting distilleries so I will put them in a box with other memories to keep. I have lots of photos around the house of him to remind me of what a healthy and happy person he was so perhaps one day I’ll be able to erase the horrible image of him in those final few days in hospital.
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Thankfully before I lost my darling wife we had the chance to talk through some things , one was her funeral wish that we honoured last Tuesday, another was her wish that I clear her clothes as soon as possible. A load of them went into charity bags collected yesterday morning - I cried as I put them out but then felt a sense of not quite relief but that I was doing what she wanted me to do. Half her clothes are still to go to charity, however we’ve invited her mother to look through them to see if there is anything she would like to keep, whihc she will be doing tomorrow so those can then be taken to the local Sue Ryder shop. Not that everyhtings going out, as my grown up children and I are putting together a memory box of those items that elicit really treasured memories. As others have said Its something that each of us on here have to decide what to to do and when. Life sucks at the moment however a friend, whose husband passed around ten years ago, adivised me ( care of Call the Midwife apparently) start living your life until you finally feel alive again - and also take baby steps but do whatever you need to when it feels right for you.
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I felt the same as you. 24 bags of clothes shoes some never been worn but gritted my teeth and did it on my own. I didn’t want anyone else touching them. I had a clothes Collection charity come to pick them up. I was ok at the time but now having a bad day. 5 months on and feel I’ll never be the old me again. Still got his certificates he worked so hard to get. There’s no way I’ll let them go. Life goes on i suppose but so very hard.
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Within a week of my wife’s cremation, our daughter was very keen to charity shop her things, saying that the longer we left it, the harder it would be.
- I didn’t need her help.
- It was far too soon for me.
- I felt bullied.
I’d never tell my daughter that, she loved her mother and would be really hurt.
Now we can’t find my wife’s engagement ring and fear in the rush to bag up clothes, it’s possible the ring might have been in a pocket.
Do it in your own time, when you feel ready and be systematic about it; maybe keep a few things that were important/favoured or special to you and your wife.
I have held onto a few items of clothing and leave them in the wardrobe, it’s nice to see them and reminds me of when she wore them and I’ve left her dressing gown hanging behind the bathroom door.
Please, do go at your own pace; I wish you comfort in your grieving.
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I still have my wife’s clothes after 14 months, I need to sort them and try to move on
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I made a conscious decision not to try too hard to move on in any way. Letting things happen naturally was something I got from one to one counselling. I will never get over losing Bev so I will live within her memory until my time comes to join her.
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Losing my dear wife Norma was tough, I know she would like me to be happy again along with our children and grandchildren, I knew Norma for 43 years, and it does change you losing a loved one the way we act, think, eat, sleep and things will never same again, but we need to try and make the best of it
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i was with my dave for 48 yrs and yes it was a total shock when he died and for the first 6 months it was very hard. its been 18 months now and, i cant change anything no matter how much i loved him, he is gone, life goes on, you cant stay stagnant for the rest of your life. i dont want anyone else as i am too set in my ways and it wouldnt work. he will never be forgotten but i am not going to sit there crying over it
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Yes I agree with you, what can we do, just got to make the best of it, we have our memories our loved one would not like us to be unhappy
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Sorry for your loss. I know only too well 
, my mum passed kess than 6months ago, and i still have her clothes, her dog ornaments and most pressing is her ashes. I was thinking of donating her clothes and her doggy ornaments to a chatity shop, but still hold on to her dressing gown(which is the one she last wore in hospital), which i wear to feel near to her. Im moving house soon, and dont want to take all her clothes to the new house. Am i being silly?
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i have all my hubbys dog ornaments, he collected german shephard and border collie ones, i am going to get rid of most of them but i am not giving them away, i will sell them.
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I have my wife’s teddy bear ornaments, among many 100s of pin badges, dolls I spoke to our daughters, and they don’t mind if I move them on
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no offence to anyone but personally its nothing to do with kids what you do with your partners stuff after they pass. i certainly didnt do it when i lost my hubby. sorry
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