I just want to say to those who have lost their support systems, you are not alone when life hurts you … and it really hits hard without their love and encouragement.
I know I can not be alone in this hard realization.
life and the people in it will deal you a “blow” as my parents called it … and my advice is when that happens, give it time and let it slide. do not overreact. in time, that hurt or insult and bad thing will most likely subside. life moves along like a river, rough at times, then smoothing out.
I will say though that never let someone get away with insulting you. (this happened to me last night.) I was so shocked and I needed this person for a project … but the NEXT time someone insults me, I will respond: “Excuse me, what did you say?”
Bereaved or not, never let anyone slam you. Stop it right then and there. I veered off topic, but part of the overall comment that life without loved ones support because it is a tough world out there, can be doubly hard and I want anyone reading this to know … you are not alone in feeling extra wounded.
Know yourself, let is pass unless it is an insult, and do not let those terrible people, get you down.
Hi Berit, it’s so sad when people are horrible to you because being on one’s own we are left with the hurt feelings and no one to talk it through with.
I am pleased you posted and I hope the horrible person realises how nasty they have been and apologises or makes a means in some way.
Take heart and let the whole thing wash over you, you are better than the other person because you know how much it hurts and would not do it to others.
Look after yourself and take care we are all sending love and blessings. S xx
Hello Berit, So sorry you were offended by that insensitive person. In our grief, we are so much more vulnerable and so easily hurt. Your post could not have come at a better time. I too recently had an unpleasant encounter with a very cruel, spiteful, narcissistic family member, and she chose my beloved departed younger Sister’s birthday (in Heaven), to launch her attack. She also spread lies about our Mum who passed 12 yrs. on. She disrespected the memory of the people I love most, and on what was supposed to be a day of celebration in honour of my little Sister in Heaven. Old wounds have been opened, and I feel set back in my grief process. I have been feeling sick, defeated and hopeless. Thus I appreciate you inciteful words. I miss the support of my Sister and Mum, because they were a also a victim of this evil person’s wrath and would be able to put it in perspective. I agree, it is so much harder facing these things alone. Thank you again, you sound like a very kind person. Take care. Xxx
Hello Susie, I just came across this tread and it resonated with my situation. The timing could not have been better. Like Berit I was recently insulted, and deeply hurt by by a mean spirited thoughtless person. Yes, it is so sad when we are mistreated, and on our own left with hurt feelings, and no one there anymore to console us. Grief is hard enough without having to bear the added pain. Thank you for your wise advice. XXxx
Life is difficult enough then you add grief and being on your own, things begin to become a very big mountain but there’s little we can do but say ‘I will survive’ because we have to. I often think about that song because it’s what life is all about. Keep smiling and don’t let them get to you, we are made of stronger stuff.
I am all alone again this evening. it should not be. I had to cut back on two friends as well … one definitely turned out to be mean … the other not sure. the insult came from a stranger.
I feel so dreadful this evening. so lost and completely abandoned. I wanted to fly from my parents and find someone and never did and now they are gone and I am alone.
I found some work, a little bit, but not enough to bring me back to life.
now all I do is miss them. I stopped thinking of death but now I think of it again.
thanks again for the replies.
I was dealing with same. what a lousy time to go on the attack. I can see you are wounded missing your mother and your sister. I think I know your pain.
how awful … these people are so ill inside. my neighbor who I thought was a friend turned out to have some bad qualities and it left me so confused. I had to cut it off … I guess best thing is to only deal with people who you KNOW are good.
we should not deal with people we are not POSITIVE are good?
I am so sorry for all of you who have experienced such unkindness when you are grieving. I really don’t understand people anymore.
A friend of over 40 years has been so insensitive since my husband died, I now dread her phone calls, but it would be so sad to end our long friendship.
I try not to let her comments get me down, but I always seem to end up in tears. I also have a relative who is now making comments which feel like she is rubbing salt into the wound.
I nearly didn’t go to a Jubilee street party as felt upset, but made myself go.
It was okay really, but was so aware of happy couples laughing and talking about holiday plans etc I was glad to get home. Now feeling very depressed.
Sorry for the rant, but no one understands except the people on this forum.
Will see what next week brings.
X
Anne … I had a friend who was in her 80s widowed she was right when she said we have to put up with friends sometimes otherwise we would be alone.
I am alone. I did cut off one person but she was two-faced and that crossed the line. other friends I overlook things because they are kind people and good at heart. the choice of being alone versus pain from someone is a hard one … unless you are willing to confront them.
there are subtle ways to imply her comments hurt you. gently cutting her off mid-sentence other inferences.
I have to make allowances … otherwise I would walk in a void. hard choices when older … but good to go out because when one does, the perspective away from the four walls helps immensely.
I must do activities on my own … but I am grateful to myself when I do. there are other people like me … now if I could find a nice man as lonely as me, I would be A OK.
