Yes I do find comfort from this site. I have counselling tomorrow so will raise it then. I get so angry because my husband placed such great faith in these ‘friends’ and would get at me because I have such a small pool of people that I call friends. Having said that even some of them have disappeared. So I am afraid I do feel alone most of the time. My husband was in all honesty all I needed and wanted and now I don’t even have that.
I should not be surprised at the behaviour of people at the funeral. One of my brothers-in-law and his wife have upset me enormously with their behaviour since my husband died that we have little or no contact now.
Dear Sheila
So sorry to hear this i do hope things get easier for you. I know losing Alex has been absolutely horrendous I have felt so alone and lost I lost my parents a few years ago which was awful but this feels much worse and I hate admitting that as I loved them dearly to but this has been heart wrenching I feel like a part of me died the day he left me, also I don’t feel like the same person now nothing seems important. Do you find the counselling helps,? Xxx
I know what you mean - nothing is important. People keep telling me that I can still do the things we planned or other things for myself. Can’t see the point. He would have shared the joy, backed me, been proud of me. What is the point when he is not here to share it with? People just don’t realise how much of us has gone as well as our soulmate.
Certainly half of me went when my husband died and all the good parts of me too. I understand what you say, I lost my dad in 2010. We were a close family but I eventually managed to get on with my life. I feel guilty that I did not appreciate how my mam was feeling at the time - they were married 54 years.
Have only had one counselling session so far. Next one is tomorrow. To be honest it was just nice to speak to someone and off-load some of the things that I cannot say to our kids, family/friends or on this forum.
Being with the same person for much of your life and being part of that team means when you loose them, you can never be the same person. I cannot do the things we had planned because we each had a role. My husband was the navigator. He knew everything about driving across Europe. Even if I wanted to I could not and I just would not feel safe even if I went with our daughter. We liked to venture away from the tourist places and see life as it was being lived in small and far flung places. I have to just resign myself to looking at the photos of our travels and missing him so much.
I lost my husband 6 months ago so it is all so unreal . When people ask how I am I say taking one day at a time . Some days okay some are rubbish . Yesterday was a very hard day I cried most if it , but today not so bad . I will never get over the loss but it was the not saying goodbye as he went by ambulance to hospital was sole destroying and something l will never get over .
I understand. Different circumstances surrounding my husband’s death but the same in that I never got to say goodbye. Three hours before he died we spoke on the phone. We laughed and joked never realising that would be the last time I would ever hear his voice or see his face again. Apart from the way in which he lost his life this is one of the most heartbreaking things I struggle with. It is nearly 11 months for me and the pain is the same as the first day he died.
I lost my partner eight months ago, I don’t think about him because it just hurts people don’t know what to say to you in the end, I just think l have to get on with it, being on your own is really hard, but people expect you to find something else to occupy your life and when I was with my Michael, I never wanted anybody else, and I love the life with him and now I’m on my own I think well why are people expecting me to find someone to fill my life I’m lonely but it’s because of him not because I wanna find somebody else I’m going to lunch today with a acquaintance a lady, and I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do because, I don’t know what people or Society expect off me, hate being on my own, but hard having to go into the world and make a life for myself at 65.
I lost my husband of 57 years April 2020, it would have been our 50 wedding anniversary in September and I miss him every day and still cry every night when I talk to his photo before I go to bed. I know the feeling you have when people ask how you are, all I respond with “you know not too bad, how are you?” I don’t think what my answer is will help at all because I don’t think anything does. Just take one day at a time. That’s all you can do. I suppose in a strange way I am better off because being disabled I don’t meet anyone other than my daughter and son-in-law who come in everyday to make sure I am ok. I wouldn’t say that I am lonely but I am alone which is different. I miss him every day and I hate having to put so much on family. I had to look after my mother - in - law and then my mother so I know what pressure it brings but at the moment there is nothing I can do about it. Just take one day at a time
It would of been my husbands birthday today he would be 64 I miss him so much it hurts. We will put flowers down later today where he used to go fishing with our son.I returned to work just because I was so lost and lonely I looked after him since march so that was a routine now its gone. Hate when people ask how I’m doing I feel like screaming but just ignore and ask how they are.
I went out with that lady she’s older than me she 72 I asked her why she still worked four days a week and she said well it was to keep occupied, she is also a member of a group that she’d asked me to help out if I wanted a few years ago and I was busy with my life and didn’t carry it’s through, and the lady didn’t contact me anyway, it felt weird I was outside my comfort zone she talked a lot about self and I nodded I didn’t say much about me and Michael because for her it happened 15 years ago and she couldn’t remember the sadness I think I was glad when it’s finished, It was hard work to be honest, I think in the end I came to realise When your husband/partner has died you on your own I can live in my own I’ve enjoy living on my own, it’s just the holidays the meals the pub, going to the cinema you can’t do them on your own I don’t care what you say.
Yea it can be hard going i went for a coffee with a friend she bombarded me with all her problems etc never asked how I’m doing i got all her relationship problems blah blah I was sick listening to her I made the excuse I had to get home for a parcel coming. You are right you need someone for the meals cinema etc. But I just want company someone to talk to nothing more
My heart goes out to all of you on here. The loneliness can be overwhelmIng at times. People mean well, they ask you to come over or meet up with them, but I find it extremely hard watching couples together and even if you have an okay time, you still have to go back home where the silence is so loud and the memories are all around. I just wish I could find someone to go out for a walk, have a chat with or maybe share a coffee. Everyone in my life is so busy with their own lives that I feel guilty if I’m a burden to them. I try to keep myself occupied throughout the day. Luckily I love reading and can loose myself in a good story. But the story has to end at some point and then you’re thrust right back to the silence and the loneliness and the pain that never goes away.
Dear @Ali21
I too have a friend who is supportive and I think she gets that this is a living hell for me but I know if I do get together with her, I will need to listen to her tell me about all the people who have been bad to her, let her down, ignored her/upset her. I am only hearing one side if it, if my 62 years on this planet has taught me anything it’s that there’s always two sides to a story… I can’t listen to her stories of how heartbroken she is (she has never had a partner).
And sometimes, you just need your soulmate to be with you even if you are not saying anything to each other, sometimes just being there or touching your face or your hand or your hair, gave you all the company you needed. How I miss when he used to reach over and hold my hand after changing gear in our wee car. It spoke volumes to me, no words were needed…
Yes my husband did the same in the car and also he would always give a certain smile or look and that was enough. We could sit and say nothing for hours but were just happy in each others company. Now the silence in our little bungalow is such a blow and brings nothing but heartbreak.
I have a former work friend and we meet for a walk and stop at a cafe. It is good to listen to her news and just have a conversation.
I know what you mean it was such an effort yesterday meeting that lady and then I came away feeling more despondent I wanted you, her to say come and join our club to feel part of something but she never did and I just walked away thinking what’s the point I’m working till till October and then I’m just doing a two days a week,
like you is easier to spend it on your own you don’t have to please anybody and nobody seems to judge you, sometimes l feel l am going to Explode with the sadness of it all.
Not at all. You have more energy than most 18-30 year olds. My mother knits but I have no inclination or skill for it. I smiled when I read about you knitting for the local hospital baby unit. Our eldest grandson was in hospital ICU for the first three months of his life and my mam knitted a bag full of hats and mini cardigans for the unit which I took in.
I think that I as I withdraw further that I will just stay within my own inner circle and hopefully find comfort in my own company just waiting to reunite with my husband. I do not see anything wrong in this personally, it is just the way that I feel and I cannot really function in a world outside that I no longer feel part of.
Dear Sheila
I don’t know what changed yesterday but I know now that my big guy is gone forever.
This is now my life.
I finally filled in the forms to close his bank account after almost 7 months.
I then spent hours selecting photographs for printing, we have thousands everywhere- on his pc, both my laptops, our phones. This is my life now, looking through photos of happy times.
Aren’t we such a sad army of grievers, lost souls desperately seeking comfort.