I watch again & again & again a video clip he sent me 2years ago or more, he was so funny & everyone was laughing at his mad antics. Great to hear his voice and see his energy & how much his workmates thought of him. He was the guy who kept everyone going at work, made them laugh & everyone looked up to him as a brother a father a friend.
Cheated from his retirement but he made sure I was looked after financially. Unfortunately not emotionally though, life just sucks without him
Another day in bed, another day without my love.
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I have a clip of us all laughing at something as well as more serious voice notes. I so wish I had recorded him saying that he loved me so I could listen to that but you don’t think you need to, certainly not at our age. I have my wedding video and renewal of vows but it’s the ‘ordinary’ ones that bring him back to me the most. Trouble is, when I watch them I just can’t believe he isn’t here. It doesn’t make sense to my brain. Sending hugs
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Hello Sakinah you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband on Christmas day not a day goes by that I dont shed a tear mostly in private. I have times when I feel like saying well actually I dont feel great today, or I just want to shut myself away. Unless you have lost a loved one people really dont understand what you are really going through. Hopefully with the lovely support on here we will all grow stronger and be able to in time move forward. We will never forget our loved ones their memories will last a lifetime. I am learning to just take one day at a time and know through this forum I am not alone.
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Dear Maigret
It is hard to accept and whilst I accept that he is gone forever some days I just sit in disbelief that this happened to us. I watched the youtube holiday clip of us the other evening. My big strapping husband enjoying the boat trip. He looked so alive it was just inconceivable that he is no longer here with me. Life is brutal.
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I know that feeling. How can my husband not be coming home? We were enjoying the summer together this time last year. It doesn’t make sense to my brain.
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Dear Jules4
I know. Facebook keeps on bringing up memories, pictures from last year. Happy, smiling and just enjoying being with our little grandson. We thought we had years together doing this and just days before he died we had been told there was another grandchild on the way. Life is just not life anymore and never will be for me personally. I go through the motions each day for our kids and grandsons. Behind closed doors I collapse in a heap, come on this forum and then try to sleep before the next day comes and I am met with the realisation that I will never see him again until we are reunited. So when people say you can get through this and things will get better I know they are trying to be kind but they just cannot comprehend the pain, sorrow and emptiness faced on a daily basis.
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Every day is hard to get through yet we have many more of them to keep getting through. I still can’t believe how my life can go from being as good as it was to just an existence. It just doesn’t seem to be possible but unfortunately it is. Sending hugs
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So true and we will never get the answers as to ‘why me’. It all just adds to all the other difficulties surrounding our husband’s deaths.
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I’ve been with my wife for 32 years and my brain just can’t comprehend she was forever gone. It just can’t be true can it? Our perfect love perfect family was gone in just 1 day. Can’t believe it’s been 5 months since I last saw her full of life and joy. Never ever in my life do I experience such emptiness before.
DIdn’t sleep well last night. Staring at the empty half of our bed, trying to suppress any thoughts of her as that is so gut wrenching. Perhaps this effort keep me awake. Dawn seems to take years to come. Finally another long Sunday much hated by grieving people again. Is there any point to carry on like this?
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I have just read all the comments and every one hits a mark, of what going on in all our lives, we our all going through the motions, the comments I just read Facebook is a killer it bring that memories of happy times you don’t want to see and like another person said I watch videos time and time again of him laughing and talking and having fun, another person said I do everything on my own now where he used to do all the things for me I never worried, I’m glad when I go to sleep because then I don’t have to think and I can sleep as long as I can get away with before I have to open my eyes to start the day again, what worry me Micheal died December 2020, but how long guys, do we have to suffer the grief and pain it’s like Groundhog Day, it hit me at work as well, as everyone getting on with there lives, and l am on the outside, knowing I was going to retire in October and now having to stay on two days a week just so I don’t stay in seven days a week on my own
I feel that way too sakina, my husband died in January. I feel people get fed up listening to me going on but i alwaus say that im existing, because thats all i am doing. Still cry, still cant sleep much, still dont cook. Just lost my son in law too, 2 weeks ago. He comitted suicide. Life cant get any worse x
That’s the worst, Michael brother committed suicide two years before Michael died and I think that affected him, please be kind to yourself , lots and lots of hugs
Waiting to see what the third thing is x
Dear Sheila
Yes have another quote but quite a bit more expensive. At the moment I still have no access to my husband’s accounts and nothing from the pension companies so have to be careful on prioritising the jobs and not over-paying. Even then as you say trying to then get them to turn up is another issue.
I got up today and just felt the need to be with my husband so jumped in the car and drove the hour up the road. I left behind dark clouds and found the beach bathed in sunshine. It only started to rain when I was walking back to the car. Unfortunately/fortunately depending what you want to believe, I do not see these as any signs from my husband. All I know is I need him more than ever and he is not here for me. Like you I wish I could reverse all the pain and suffering of myself and others on this site.
Take care.
Sheila x
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Hi sheila, i understand completely how you feel. Keep looking for signs of my mel. Wish this nightmare was over and i could turn back the clock. Be kind to yourself. Fay x
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Bubba I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband and on top of that your son in law. You are going through a really rough time. I wish I could find the magic words to bring you some comfort. How fragile life is. It can change in the blink of an eye. I’m also not motivated to cook, just don’t have the energy or the desire for anything. Not a day goes by when I don’t cry too. What can we do but keep plodding on. It’s not really living but just existing. I’m told by so many that it gets easier with time but 7 months on I can honestly say that if anything it’s gotten worse. All we can do is support each other on here and hope we all eventually find some kind of peace and closure.
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Everything is a chore it never used to be, if l do anything its a big thing, and it’s 8 months for me, and it’s not easier it’s exhausting I had to go on the motorway today and it was nerve wracking, I just miss him I just miss our life I didn’t want to be doing this worrying and doing things on my own, and in the end family and people are getting on with their own lives it’s understandable, l want to wake up positive just once, and see the world not in grief, but light. And the worst is today l Went to the seaside with my dog And all she did was look round for Michael because we used to take her and He would run with her…so sad, l will not do it again.
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I lost my partner 8mths ago and people ask me you ok while they are walking off and a few people who my partner work with put there heads down we both worked the same factory when it happens to one of them which it does they might understand the one thing I get sick of is. YOU ARE NOT ALONE oh yes you are
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Those of us on this forum know only too well the platitudes of others that never come to be delivered if you do try to follow up on their offers of help. But similarly those of us on this site keep each other afloat when we are in despair.
I am sick of the word ‘stay strong’ particularly when delivered in texts because they cannot be bothered to pick up the phone and speak to me. I am not strong I am in total turmoil and so need the one person who gave me all the reassurances I needed but he is no longer here.
Take care.
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I just I am coping, with good and bad days, when really I am not coping, but they only ask out politeness.