I know people are only trying to make you feel abit better telling you in time it gets easier! No it really doesn’t because since 20/5/21 not one day that’s gone by has felt any ‘easier’ it’s just another day I’ve managed to get through without him and ‘being strong’ is the only option I’ve got because I’ve still got be s mum to my 12 year old because My own family, his dad/ his family basically haven’t offered any hit of help. So I’ve had to put my grieving on the back burner for now but it’s harder each day living without my Lee we were a family who decided everything together done everything together now it’s just me deciding everything responsible for everything it’s still over whelming nearly 18 months on I just miss him every minute of everyday’
Hayley,
I absolutely agree.
Thank you for posting this.
Sending love x
Hi Hayley
It’s been 16 months for me now and the heartbreak is worse than ever. I can’t bare the thought of a future feeling like this. It’s just a matter of getting through each day now and such a relief when it’s time for bed.
Look after yourself,
X Julie
That’s exactly how I feel I’m in bed by 8pm because I can’t bare to sit there facing an empty couch my lee used to be sitting on x
I am the same it’s been 6 weeks since my husband passed suddenly with no warning, I don’t like being in the house and won’t really sit in the living room… and am just waiting for bedtime for some relief from the thinking. But then it starts all over again when I wake. I have 2 teenagers I got to try and be strong for, but I see no way out of this empty feeling. I miss him so much x
I really do feel your pain because I feel exactly the same why did they have to be taken from us so soon x
I just wonder when I will reach a stage where I can live with the loss of my husband and feel some kind of peace with everything that has happened.It’s been nearly a year since I lost him and I keep thinking if I wish hard enough he will magically appear and I know he won’t.My birthday,his birthday and our anniversary are all within 5 days of each other.My brothers want to take me out to dinner but I have nothing to celebrate,how can I? when all I can remember at this time is the terrible way his life ended and I keep getting flashbacks of of his pain.I really have no desire to carry on without him now,I can’t see the point of me and would anyone really miss me,it’s only my little cat at the moment that is keeping me going.At the moment I just stagger through each day,trying not to make the people I meet feel uncomfortable and trying to appear normal but I am dying inside.
Hi Hayley
I lost my best friend/soulmate Paul on 11th August, just two months ago💔. Myself and our 13 year old daughter sent coping. How are we supposed to carry on when the most important person in our world has gone.
Paul fought cancer for 17 years from the age of 38, he was always so strong for in his words “his girls”. A year ago April he was given less than a year but fought for another 16 months, the first 8 months nobody believed how I’ll he was. After numerous trips into hospital and the hospice in his final month’s we got him home for me to look after him, his final wishes.
I gave up my career and became his carer for the last year.
I feel totally alone as even his parents and sisters no longer speak to us. Our poor daughter has not only lost her daddy but also her grandparents and aunties and uncles. It breaks my heart for her. We don’t even know why they aren’t speaking, I’m hoping is their way of coping with loosing him and eventually they will return my calls, for our daughters sake.
Our daughter has suddenly started to refuse to get out of bed as in her words “what’s the point” I know how she feels as I too find it difficult to get up each day.
How do you cope? How do we get our children focused when we can’t ourselves.
I’m so. Sorry for your loss it’s so recent and so raw you and your daughter need to be there for one another, that’s how me and my son get through each day as our support network is non existent. Death brings out the true colours of people and it’s shocking to see how selfish some people really are are . I don’t know about coping but I manage to get through each day by thinking my lee wudnt want me to be sad and moping round he wud want me to keep moving pears an try to rebuild thiss new crappy life we’ve. been left with I hear his voice everyday saying as he always used to ‘ You keep doing me proud kid ‘ Xxx
Dear Sweetie,
I feel exactly the same as you, it will be a year on November 13th since my wonderful Pete passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly.
People keep asking if I’m going to do something special on the day, I don’t understand. Its just another tough day to try and get through, I feel everyone around me has gone back to their normal lives and seem to think I am doing well but I still feel like my hearts been ripped out that horrible empty feeling, I’m so lonely even in the company of others.
Pete was the only person who really got me and my life without him feels meaningless.
Sending love
Muldool
Dear Muldool,
I feel exactly the same tho I am only 7 weeks into my loss…my heart is broken forever, I can’t see no way forward…my Paul was taken suddenly with no warning and I can’t get my self together. I have an amazing family but I too feel alone. There is no pain like it. I can’t stop crying sometimes it consumes me. It’s neverending 
x
@Muldool,Thank you for your reply,I was feeling really down when I wrote that post and I feel much the same today.Why would you do something special on a particularly difficult day? perhaps some people do and good luck to them.My darling husband died on 21st November last year and that day will be forever imprinted on my heart.Last year was the first Christmas without him and it was a terrible time as I suspect it was for you as well.I have told family and friends that I don’t think I will acknowledge it this year,it’s just another few days. The only problem is other people can’t get their heads around how you feel and just because you appear normal you must be alright.I knew this would shake me to the core but I had no idea how everything would change literally my whole life and my emotional well being.My husband is with me every minute of every day,I can do something to take my mind away but as soon as I stop he’s with me again and yes even when I’m in company he is is a constant.I am changed from a happy person to someone who doesn’t see joy in anything because my soulmate is no longer here to share all the things that we were going to do.I yearn for the day when I can think about him and not get upset but as each day passes I feel he is getting further away from me.
My best wishes to you x
Hayley so sorry to read you are here .
I disagree actually, it does get “better” in time if you let it ? However every one of us reacts differently, there is no book to draw tips from . I am getting better , others get better , I worked out my triggers , my weaknesses.
I’m 54 and I’m not going to let this take my life like it did Mandys , she’d be horrified to think it destroyed me and it’s not , it won’t .
Take care
Time heals is a crap saying,
time makes things easier to accept & adjust.
19months ago, my life suddenly changed,. I know I’ve changed, but being sorry for my self won’t bring hubby back.
I miss him so much - there aren’t enough words to describe how I feel.
No rule books or magic wands, but the grief WILL gnaw away at you if you let it.
Grieve but don’t let self pity creep in.
It’s a big ask I know.
G. X
@Grandma,
I know what you mean about grief gnawing away at you and I don’t want that to happen to me I don’t want people to avoid me because I am feeling sorry for myself either.I’ve said to my relatives that I don’t want them to get fed up with me so I rarely let them know when I feel down.This site is somewhere to just express your feelings at a particular time when you need to.I hope with time and space I will be able to carry on as I promised my husband at his funeral.
Sweetie x
Thanks for your reply Sweetie, I feel the same as you, I completely ignored Christmas last year and don’t think I will ever be in the head space to enjoy it again, same thing on November 13th, I just want it over because I know I will just relive what happened that day last year, just like I relive it every Saturday morning, wishing I could just go back to the happy me, half of me died with Pete.
Life feels so different now, I am a completely different person and I will never be like the old me again.
Wish I had something positive to say but I know you will understand what I mean.
Best wishes to you too. x
@Lonely
I too dread the early dark nights as that is when I miss Kevin the most and when I lock the door I will no longer hear his key in the lock when he came home.
I’m sorry your sons do not support you when you have hospital appointments,I do not have much wanted children but you assume they will support you when you are ill.Nearly everything I do now like vaccinations etc is done on my own as I don’t like to ask anyone unless I have no option. When you don’t feel very well you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on but it’s really tough.
I know this is going to take time but I will be kind to myself.
Sweetie x
I’m sorry but I fail to see how life can get ‘better’ in anyway shape or form after losing your soul mate/the love of your life the other half of you has gone no matter how open you are to change l, alls you can do is keep pushing forward to adjust & rebuild this life I never imagined I’d have so no matter how crippling the pain and grief is and it’s horrendous it’s there every minute of everyday I get up every. Morning and keep pushing forward have never felt sorry for myself once even tho it’s soul destroying but I am 100% certain my life will never be ‘better’ now my Lee has gone.
I know its early days for me but I feel exactly the same way as you, I don’t see it getting better. I can not see me moving on ever and I am only 50 this month Each to their own everyone will deal with things differently. I feel now I will be living a pointless existence. I Will do my best to get my kids to where they need to be in life as I know that’s what he would want. But I don’t see myself ever being happy again. 
x
@Brokenhearted2022
What a terrible time for you,I wish there was some wise words that I could say that would ease your pain but I haven’t found them for myself yet.I think when my husband died I was in profound shock and nothing seemed real for a long time.This site has helped me understand what I am feeling but it doesn’t make it go away.I think one thing it says is take everything at your own pace and be kind to yourself.Everyone on here is in the same situation and noone knows how they will react when a bomb suddenly blows your whole world apart and you are on your own without your life partner.Nothing you say on here has not been said or felt by others,I know I have felt desparately low sometimes. I haven’t told family and friends how dark my thoughts are as I know it would worry them but I also know that this is I believe a normal part of grieving.Although I miss my husband all the time and I always will I hope in time I will be able to remember just the very good times,I’m not there yet and it hurts like hell when it catches you out when you least expect it,you just have to stagger on as there is no other choice.As this is very early for you please take things gently and just take each day as it comes.
Sweetie x