My mum passed away 2 months ago and I am still waiting to feel something. I feel sad but not grief I feel sad I can’t call her but I don’t t feel like I have grieved. I feel like everyone has forgotten what has happened already all those well wishes have stopped and the checking in texts have gone. I want to say a million thighs to my mum good and bad I want to tell her I loved her and sometimes I hated her. I want to feel something
Hi Emma, there is no one way to grieve. When my father died nearly twenty years ago I cried for 3 days then I hardly ever cried again even though I wanted to. I still missed him and I was still grieving. I think I also needed to be strong for my Mum.
My Mum passed away 3 months ago and this time the tears are coming often.
People can have complex relationships with family, as you say ‘love and hate’. Your tears and strong emotions may still come or perhaps not. You are still grieving.
Hi Emma. Welcome. You could not be in a better place. You will find kindness and understanding here.
Two months is so short a time. At first we may feel numb, as if we are incapable of feeling. It’s natures way of protecting us from more mental pain. You will grieve when you are ready, but don’t knock yourself up because you feel you should be grieving. There is no ‘should be’ in grief and everyone finds their own way.
People around you soon forget. It’s because they want to. Death is not a subject much discussed in society and it’s not until we experience it ourselves that we know.
Sometimes you hated your mum! Did you? Hate is a powerful emotion and I very much doubt that what we call hate is no more than anger or frustration. You are forgiven anything you may have done or felt. We all are. Please give it time. There is no right or wrong in grief and everyone finds their own way. There is not a soul on here that has not felt as you feel. Honest!! So take heart in that fact because at the moment you need love and comfort and you will get it here.
Take care. Remember to look after yourself and give your emotions time to settle. Blessings.
Your right I didnt hate her but I wish she had done things different. She wanted to be more my friend then my mum and I really wanted her to be mum. There are so many things that happened that I want to ask her why, and probably if she was still here I wouldn’t. I feel like I didn’t have time it was sudden we weren’t ready I’d spoken to her the day before. Maybe if we had time we could have put everything right
Emma. We can all look back and ask ‘what if’? ‘What if I had done so and so, would it have made a difference.’? We will never know, and we can make our pain so much worse by conjecture. Time is so often our enemy. It passes so quickly and so often we don’t have time to say what we want before it’s too late. It sounds as if it was all sudden, which usually creates shock. Your emotions are so upset. Relationships within families can so often be difficult, but we should never blame ourselves for what we think we should have done. We did what we thought right at the time especially when under mental stress.
Take it easy. Well, as easy as you can. It’s hard going is grief, and that’s putting it mildly. Time may seem to pass slowly, too slowly, but allow it to.
Just take it all day by day. Emotions may well come and you need to allow them full rein. No bottling up. Is there anyone close you can talk to for support?
Blessings and take care.
Yes, some people don’t have traditional mother daughter roles. The roles can be reversed, even in childhood. My mother wanted to be nurtured by me when I was a child. Relationships don’t always follow traditional rules.
When my Mum died I still had a lot to say. I said it to an empty room. I intend to keep talking to an invisible her, until I feel ok.