I lost my brother three and half weeks ago and I am devastated and heartbroken. He was my Irish twin and was on life support. I’m so traumatised. I have nightmares about him and I feel empty and lost. I am so depressed, all I want to do is lie in bed. Will this depression lift? Will I ever feel better? Thank you.
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Hello @Bluehyr ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling devastated and heartbroken. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. It’s very very early days for you. All I can say is take it day by day, or hour by hour. I lost my son March 2023 aged 35, if any one had said to me then it will get a bit easier I wouldn’t of believed them, but it does get slightly easier, but it’s exhausting on this journey. I find writing my own private journal and using this forum really does help. Be kind to yourself and most importantly do everything in your own time. Take care
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Hello all, i am so sorry for all your losses i lost my only brother, my only sibling Feb 14th 2023. I have been having panic attacks,severe depression which i am on meds for, but not for the panic. I tried books, counseling, no good, like you all i feel the same and i hope it will ease somewhat, i now live alone as my brother and i lived in the family home. I am crying for 17 months. Sometimes i dont know what to do or where to turn. Sending you hugs and best wishes
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Norma62, just by using this forum I hope helps you in a little way, we are all here for you xx
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Thank you so so much for all your support. It is a great forum. There are times i feel so sad. Thank you again. Much appreciated
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Hello Norm72,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my only brother to a sudden heart attack exactly one year before you lost your brother. We did get a food delivery that days and my brother picked up a box that was much too heavy, he died just minutes later. (I am still waiting to wake up.) I have sold my bungalow and live in my brother’s house now. I am depressed and have been on three different medication but none of them is working, I am just getting worse. The only thing that helps me with my depression is eating chocolate. (The brain releases endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin.) Just don’t eat too much.
I often go the local park and spoil the dogs with some treats, it does help.
Look after yourself.
Nick
There is a lot of emotional trauma that comes with the horror of watching a loved one suffering. My sister had cancer everywhere and it was so painful for her.
We’re you able to be with your brother while he was on life support?
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I am so sorry for your loss and that you are experiencing nightmares. I have struggled with sleep for many years, in fact I went through a period of sleep therapy. Everyone is different but I have found having a warm drink before bed and having a comedy or relaxing music on whilst I sleep really eases me. Little things like limiting blue light (phone/tv) a few minutes before trying to sleep and getting the room temperature right can also help. There’s nothing wrong with a favourite blanket or cuddly toy either, it doesn’t matter how old you are. Perhaps things like this might help your sleep quality and ease the nightmares? I do hope so
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Hello Iristwin i cared for my brother here at homevwith the help of Pallative care and great friends. Its so hard isn’t it, i think i went through it all in a daze /adreline, because its now i am feeling low. Sending best wishes to you
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Norm62, we are all here for you. We all get our low days, I spent most of last Monday crying, just keep messaging on here x
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Thank you Nick its so hard. I cant eat much choc as i am diabetic, but have the odd treat. I don’t socialise, i am a quiet person, i have good friends. Nothing replaces my beloved baby brother. Sending you best wishes too Nick
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Thank you Eponine for your support and kindness, sometimes it feels like my heart aches bad. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending good wishes to you, thank you
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Thank you MJG indeed i know about crying i never stop, feel free to DM me if you wish. Sending you best wishes and kind support
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Thank you Norm62. All we can do is day by day, and treasure our memories x
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It is really tough isn’t it? I was with my sister as well. Sometimes I would leave room and cry it hurt so much. Being there for her when she needed me the most was the greatest most loving gift I could ever do for her… And that means the world to me.
Sending you love and a hug on a mountain breeze, catch it. 
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Thank you Irishtwin, the thing bothers me is, i missed my brother passing as we had quite few friends that helped nursing him at home, my friend was sitting in the room, when he gently passed. And i just missed it. It bothers me, people say its the way he wanted to go, it still bothers me that i wasnt fast enough to sit with him but i guess i could torture myself forever over that. I certainly know i will never get over this. I think the grief is getting worse. I guess living here without my brother, is something that will always be hard. Sending you back good irish wishes
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I get depression and some days very unable to do much. Other days not so much. Today ended up weeding outside as weather calmed down after all rain and wind. Sink and vacuum blocked so didn’t get very far inside.
Hello Enorac
I am so sorry for your loss and that you have depression too. Have you chatted maybe with your GP? It might help. I know grief is so so hard and i take it only hour by hour. Its hard to be alone, i have friends visit, i dont socialise, do u have anybody to pop in to you to say hello. Sending you very best wishes
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Hi, I find by doing some weeding helps and the fresh air. Take it minute by minute if you need to. Have you tried writing a daily journal with your thoughts and what you have been doing. I find that helps and have been doing mine 14 months. When you look back on without realising it you start making little steps. Take care xx
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