Just got in and have it on now. Both daughter and I have been in tears tonight - he loved fathers day so much. xx
Drive went well - it took ages as the traffic was heavy, especially as they have changed the traffic flow around Tower Bridge.
Very emotional in the car as he would normally have been chatting and joking all the way there. Especially bad when we had to go past the estate where he grew up. Daughter and I have been in tears tonight. House and everywhere is so quiet without him.
I don’t whether to get his watch mended - but to be honest I cannot bear to give it up to someone else - so will just wear it broken for the time being.
Will try and get to the bottom of the garden tomorrow to cut the brambles back - but apparently half the country is due thunder storms later this week. What happened to flaming June.
xxx
Hi Trisha, we have heavy rain here at the moment, tipping down. Not much chance of getting the brambles cut down. If they have blackberries on I wouldn’t bother until autumn. That’s when I cut mine on the allotment. The wildlife will love them anyway. You keep telling yourself that and you won’t feel so guilty.
Still think your incredible to drive across London. I don’t know what’s happened to me I have hardly any inclination to drive anywhere. However my excuse is that living on an Island you get out of the habit of mainland driving. I was always driving from here to Midlands and thought nothing of it at one time. I’ve become useless.
Regarding the watch: Brian’s watch stopped and I wore it like that for a while until I managed to put a new battery in it.
Pat xxx
Hi Pat
My garden has never been so neat and tidy. Never been a gardener really - my mother had the most beautiful cottage garden - she knew all the names of the plants and I wish I had been inclined to learn from her then. But gardening is something I have just come to and have found it the most calming thing to do. As well as wearing you out of course. We had to have a garage taken down 2 years ago and they removed all the large brambles then - the ones we have growing now are scrubby ones and I don’t think would result in blackberries. Strangely they are the one soft fruit I will only eat as jam. Think again that goes back to when I was a child and we were out in the fields and eating blackberries - looked down and saw half an earwig - and at that point realised I had probably eaten the other half of it. Oddly it put me off!!
Had another bad morning - but seem to be coming out of it - about to start on one of the other bedroom walls. I am no decorator either - but that helps as well - it is being busy isnt it - does not leave you so much time to think.
It is tipping it down here now too. When it becomes a monsoon there is a hairline crack that needs mending and it is where the water shoots off of next door’s roof when the gutters wont take it. It means we get a leak in the lounge - It happens rarely but I will be prepared if these predicted thunderstorms happen.
I think you are right - driving is a habit and like anything if you do not do it regularly it becomes a bit of a challenge. Growing up in the country - unless you drove - you did not go out. So we all learnt at 17 - borrowed our parents cars and took turns to be the driver. More often it was me as even then I did not really drink. Mind you lately I have fancied a glass of wine - but not given in to it as it is usually around mid afternoon!! Driving is something I still enjoy. Gary hated driving and to be honest was awful - so he was always happy being the passenger whilst I drove.
The watch is something else - it had a new battery - it just works sometimes. I may try another new battery - but in the meantime I will wear it just at night.
Take care and take a rest - sounds like you have been overdoing it.
Trisha xx
Hi
Sorry to hear your sad news.
Its 4 months for me since I lost my Mike.
I feel the same as you. I see my lovely friends, have no family but just exist these days. I hate this lonely life. I have waves that come over me as one minute I am ok next I am in floods of tears. I know how you feel about your lovely weekends at your caravan as I have a house in the country and as yet I can’t bring myself to go there on my own. My house is on the market as really don’t want it now.
Be strong if you can, keep messaging as I find it really helps knowing other people are out there.
Take good care Love Sue
Hi Trisha so pleased you have found the joys of gardening, it is very therapeutic. I started in my late thirties, it suddenly came to me and I have never looked back. My garden isn’t that big but I do have lots of shrubs that bring in the bee and butterfly’s. I try to make mine into as much of a cottage garden as possible, these are my absolute favourite. Lawns and borders are not for me. My allotment also has cottage garden area’s with herbs and all sorts of flowers growing among the vegetables. I won an award a couple of years ago.
When we went abroad I hated the plane travel and it stressed me. When I got home even if it was late at night I would go into the garden with a torch and check my plants and have a chat to them, it always calmed me down. Brian hoped that no neighbours could hear me talking to the plants at midnight.
I don’t drink either, never have and always found myself being the driver. Brian used to joke that he only married me because I was cheap to take out (only drink water) and I could drive him everywhere when we went out. (I hope he was joking anyway). I must admit to being tempted to drink lately just to see if it would knock me into oblivion.
I went to the allotment this morning to check and pick veggies, had a chat with another plot holder and came home then the flloodgates opened. This is what happens when I try to rest, so best to keep busy all the time. I have said that I have CD’s of Brian singing with his band and am lucky to be able to hear and have his voice blasting out all over the house if I so wish. I really don’t want to shut him out of my life so I have been playing him in another room while I prepared tea for me and the dogs. All was well for a while then I dissolved into tears again and felt like screaming my head off. Neighbours must wonder what’s going on if they can hear me. So I have no choice but to keep on the move it’s that or scream.
Love and best wishes Pat xxx
Pat - I know what you mean about how the tears flow when we are not busy - this missing them is just unbearable. I look around at so many people who are now on their own and wonder how they have coped. I think I was oblivious until now - as I think those who still have their partners are oblivious to us.
Gary said it was his duty to drink for two as well. I have had the odd glass of wine - but must confess to preferring lemonade . My son when he was little called it ‘emmalade’ and that is how we always referred to it from then on.
My daughter had a really down day yesterday - I think because I was in bed she was more or less on her own. I hate to see them hurting so much too - while they are doing everything to protect me - I am their mum and I need to look after them too. He was such a good dad.
At that point I had better stop or the tears will start again.
Hopefully the sun will come out and stay out today
Trisha xx