I have numerous friends who keep saying “we’re all here for you, when you’re ready” and it’s making me so angry!!! What do they think I’ll be ready for! Do they think that, in a few weeks, I’ll be ready to go out, party, celebrate, move on! I can’t ever imagine doing any of those things again without Andy by my side. He made me the person I was, and now I don’t who I am anymore, or who I will become. I’m so lost without him, he was my everything and I was his. To have been loved by such a wonderful has been a privilege 
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We all lost in some sort of way, and don’t know where we going. What will be will be ! Do you feel rushed to comply with others ? we all different and handle things differently and at a different pace.
Ginger you do whats right for you, dont feel pressure from anyone. What is right for one isnt right for another. Only you know what is right for you. Hugs Jo xxx
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Yes, I suppose I do feel like they’re trying to rush me! It’s not even been 5 weeks yet! I don’t know what they expect me to be doing or feeling but I’m so angry at everyone around. One of my ‘friends’ has already invited me on holiday with them!!!
They seem to think I’m going to get over the loss of the best thing in my life, my wonderful husband, Andy and I know I never will!
Maybe their intentions are good and want to be there for you, but it’s too soon, way too soon. Your head will be in shock and feeling the loss. Tell them you need time and space to come to terms with your loss. They should understand but remember they not in your position. Which makes a hell of a difference!
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I used to get this a lot @Ginger68
It drove me absolutely mad and I used to think the same as you are “ ready for what?”
I think for some people it does mean ready to go on as we were - but sadly we will never be the same.
And they just don’t understand that at all.
I now recognise that the folk saying this were not willing or able to support me at my bleakest times. It hurt me a lot as they all disappeared, as many were family or who I thought of as good friends.
I think they expect us to just pick up where we left before my husband died - but only once I’ve been through most of the agony and distress - with none of their support.
Maybe I will feel different when I hopefully eventually get to ‘there’ - but at the moment anyone who hasn’t the empathy to try offer some kindness when your world has shattered will not be sharing any of my life in the future.
Sad as that may be.
I’m so sorry you are experiencing the same. I wonder if it has something to do with the age of our husbands and us ( mine was 56 )
Sending some strength and love xx
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Hi ya. I lost my Kev last October very unexpected. When it first happened I could not speak to anyone other than our girls who are adults. I couldn’t speak to my closest friends for months. Our girls organised everything I was a complete mess, in denial, I didn’t know what was happening around me. Im 10 months on, went through Kevs birthday, Christmas, new year, our anniversary it’s all a blur to me now. I’m now in a place where I have accepted Kevs not coming back but it’s been/is horrendous. My heart will never piece back together I will always love him and feel so grateful to have been married to such a beautiful man who loved me dearly. I’m now back at work and it’s been my saviour getting a routine back. I look at couples and hate what they have, what I should still have but was taken away from us. We had so many plans for our future and now I have to do everything alone. I know exactly how you feel when friends say “when you’re ready”. They have no clue how you really feel. In time I promise you will start to have some kind of normality but I doubt you will ever be totally the person you were. We have to learn to live a different life. I still have my fake smile, scream, cry, feel so, so lonely inside. I struggle with social events but force myself now to go out with friends. It’s grief on another level loosing your soulmate your everything in life to live for. I wish you and everyone here some peace at some stage in this journey we have to go through. Don’t rush, do what’s best for you. Be kind to yourself (I now know the true meaning of this). True friends will wait for you. Take great care x
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