when you think you are ok, then you are not

I just wanted to say that I lost my mom three years ago this week. My dad died in 2013. One hard part of this whole horrible loss, is when bad things happen. Even though I have had a few years of healing, when bad things happen to me, all I want to do is die and join them, if there is such a thing. It is when those ugly things in life rear their head, and you have lost your safe haven. It is a nightmare.

Hi berit,

I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your mom and dad, and that you have times when you feel that you want to die.

There is no set timeline on grief and it is normal to have times when intense grief returns. However, if you are feeling that you want to die, it is really important to reach out for support and to talk about those feelings. I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. While you wait for more replies to your post, I’d encourage you to consider some of these other sources of support:

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, berit, get in touch with one of these services.

If there are days when you have suicidal thoughts, it’s really important to concentrate on getting through the day, and not look to far into the future. If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,


Hi Berit. I doubt there is one of us here who has not felt that we would want to join our loved ones, but although it’s been three years since you mum passed it can still be early days for you. Each of us copes in our own way. As for joining our loved ones, yes I do believe that happens, but in its own good time. There is a time and a place for all of us when all will be revealed, but it has to take its course. There is no way to hurry bereavement. Bad things do happen to us all, and are so often exaggerated by grief. Have you anyone close you can talk to? Letting your emotions out with an understanding person can help a lot.
Don’t make the mistake of ‘going it alone’. You don’t have to as this site shows.
There are many organisations that will help if you seek them out. Loss is common. There is not a soul who will not encounter it at some time in their lives. Take care and try and take heart. However long it takes it will ease if only a little. Blessings.

thanks, both. I prefer, often, this site, as I get the right understanding, in privacy, and not the sort of put-upon understanding that busy friends offer. I am in America, so no such health care. but my mother was a Norwegian … but in America, our funeral services offered grief classes, while my mom’s town in Norway, did not. funny. it has been transformative, because now I wish to find a way to the top of Norway, spend time there, live there, do something completely different. I am a journalist. I think I am looking for my mom. I am grateful for this site.

Berit, Ive lost one parent, at the minute, I cant imagine losing 2(even though my dads 83). Its an awful tine and i have to say, ive only found this site, but am finding it so helpful. Keep talking and posting, it really does help. Take care.