My dad passed away in October 2019. Dad has not been well for a while previous to this, in and out of hospital with his heart but in the end, he died from pneumonia in hospital. I was so close to my dad that I always imagined what it would feel like to lose him but I was a lot more resilient than I gave myself credit for. I think the reason for that was because I had so much to deal with and sort, my mum’s grief, sale of the family home, dad’s funeral, finding mum a new place to live etc. Mum never stayed at the family home again, she moved in with us for about 5 months. We eventually found mum a flat which was a 5 min walk from my house. Not a day went by without me thinking of my dad.
Mum passed away in May, very suddenly and very unexpectedly. Luckily she was at our house but both my husband and I had to give her CPR while we were waiting for the ambulance. Mum died of urosepsis and I can’t believe that she’s gone.
No longer having those two wonderful people in my life has broken me. I’m grieving for both of them. I feel I have lost part of my identity, I’ve lost two people who loved me unconditionally and know that I will never have that again. I feel alone even though I have been married for 20 years, have two stepdaughters and an amazing granddaughter. I was never blessed with children of my own.
Mum never got over the loss of my dad, never settled in her new flat and suffered from depression and anxiety, which I did my best to help her with over the last 5 years. My stress and anxiety is at an all time high. I am off work at the moment but I know that this feeling of emptiness, loss and anxiety will ease over time. I am going away at Xmas as I can’t bear the thought of mum not being here with me…. my dad also loved Xmas but my husband doesn’t celebrate Xmas so I feel like it would be just too painful to be home and spending the day without either of them.
