Just over 6 months into this journey and I just feel like it’s still getting harder and harder. When will it stop getting worse?
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I can absolutely understand the way you feel. Starting Thursday evening right through to now I just cannot stop crying and like you I’m almost six months down the road.
I am shaking something terrible,the pain in my chest is real and unbearable and last night I had to tell myself to get a grip somehow otherwise a nervous breakdown was a real possibility.
This weekend has been just like the day my wife died,probably worse but just like you I’m asking when will it get better,when will the painful memories become happy memories,when will everything I see,hear and do stop reminding me of the woman that I love more than I really knew.
I do feel for you and I will say this; how would we feel if it was our loving partner that was going through this ? Silly as it sounds we have saved them from this living hell,I know Jacky could never have coped with this. Take care and lots of hugs from me,not sure it will help but please know that I understand how you feel.
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@Sah28 @miker hi both i am feeling the exact same! it will be 12 weeks wednesday i lost shaun, we were together for 20 years got 3 children today and his diagnosis was completely out of the blue and he lost his battle in just 6 weeks…
the pain for me is getting worse, i am constantly shaking, feel sick, chest pains are horrendous. i have completely lost myself as a person, i can’t even function right now, just getting out of bed is a battle.
i don’t think ill ever get past this but i have 3
kids relying on me, aswell as them going through the heartache.
this weekend has been my worst so far, maybe because it was my birthday friday, that didn’t help, and christmas right round the corner?
every day is painful though and i’m at the point where i don’t know how much more i can honestly take
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Hi ! It’s very easy for those of us going through this horrific experience to say," you have to keep going," but the truth is that you do. The first stage has got to be you,you finding the strength to cope with the loss of your husband is the only hope that your children have,without you to get them through this they will struggle.
I can relate to you and how quickly things happened,my wife had a brain hemorrhage on a Tuesday and on the Friday was allowed home … I was amazed,couldn’t believe how lucky we were. On the Monday we received a request to go see her consultant at a different hospital,during the discussion it all sounded wrong as though we were having two different discussions. The consultant suddenly realised and asked what we had been told at the other hospital,we simply said nothing. He then told us my wife had Acute Myeloid Leukemia with 6 to 8 weeks survival. Jacky passed away 7 weeks to the day and right now feels like it happened yesterday.
I know what you mean by saying the pain gets worse,chest pains,throat seizes up and can’t speak,loss of confidence and for someone usually so decisive I just don’t know what to do.
Christmas will be very very tough for you and even more so for the kids,I have no experience regarding the children issue but once again it will all depend on how strong you are feeling,obviously your pain and loss will yet again come second to their needs. Do you have family or friends who you trust enough to know how you are feeling inside ? who will help rather than say the wrong things ? maybe just be there for you so that you can be as best you can for your children ?
I absolutely feel for you,I send you warmest wishes and ask that you keep posting if you can.
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At nearly 6 months I did feel I was getting better but just recently have been more teary and emotional. I hope this is just another trough that I will weather through. I sleep very badly so I don’t think the exhaustion is helping. I get a tightness in my chest. I keep wondering if it is the return if the fluid around my lung that I experienced last year but seem to be able to breath OK. Going to talk to my doctor about going back on the diuretics. (which I hate as it wipes out your morning). They sorted it last time. Will need blood tests but my annual check is coming up so perhaps I could roll it in with that.
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3 kids still at home here too. They are the ones keeping me upright. Mine went away, no health conditions and never came back and still have no answers.
The fight is hard and never ending sending love x
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You have to keep going I completely agree. Got 3 kids that need me to just didn’t think at this point it would still be getting harder sending love x
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It does catch us out,it’s true in that they say grieving isn’t linear.
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@miker i do have support, my mum is absolutely amazing and spends as much time here with us as she can, but she has health problems and i just feel i’m putting on her so much… i have a few really good friends and there really supportive but at the end of the day i’ve still not got shaun and the kids don’t have their dad?
i just feel like i have no purpose anymore, im so worried about our future and how im going to manage financially and be able to keep a roof over our head and look after the kids… it’s just such a scary horrible place to be in and i know the only thing that could take this away would be to have him back 
so sorry that you and your children are going through this also 
how old are they? i have a 9,16,19 year old…
shaun went into hospital on our youngests birthday with some stomach pains, but was one of the healthiest fittest people i knew. running half marathons regularly and always up and about. then to be told he had stage 4 cancer was just flooring… it’s just coming up to 3 months and i just feel things are getting so much harder and i just don’t know how i can survive feeling this way x
Ours are 22,19 and 11. The youngest is autistic.
I honestly don’t know how I got to 6 months but somehow i did.
I think a lot of my issues are that we still have no answers and there’s still an opening investigation in Belgium so I still can’t process the whole situation.
All I know is we have to keep surviving for the kids and hopefully we start living again.
There’s no quick fix or easy solutions (if only). Xx
@Sah28 oh that’s awful for you!! must be so difficult
i know i have to keep going for the kids, even when i say i can’t go on, i know i have no choice because im all they now x
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