Where did this anger come from?

I lost the love of my life Anne 21 months ago. We were married 50yrs. (Yesterday I had my second Covid jab.) For some reason during that evening I felt the need for a drink - but I couldn’t stop! OMG! So much anger poored out of me. I’ve never felt anger before since Annes passing? My mind went through the upsetting times in our long relationship which everybody has but on this occasion they were magnified ten fold and how I was now the innocent party. How I was hard done by even though in truth I wasn’t. Then I cursed God or what ever controls life and gave that both barrels. Until now during my journey of grief I’ve done nothing but mourn my darling along with anxiety attacks, many tears and depression. I worshipped the ground my Anne walked upon. I love her with all my heart and soul. Now this morning I feel so guilty at my last nights personality change. I was an evil man. Just where had this anger come from?

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Hello @James71. So sorry for the loss of your lovely wife Anne. What you are going through is completely normal during grief. We all go through it in different ways and at different times. Anger is a way of releasing these perplexing feelings. We feel lost, abandoned, afraid etc. and it all has to come out before we can heal.
Just grieve however you need to as keeping it bottled up all this time is an almost impossible task.
Keep posting on here if you need to as there is always a listening ear.
Love and light. x

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Hi James
Oh the anger it rages and everything is let go. I have no religion but found myself shouting and sobbing both at once, if there is such a thing as a god then you surely are the biggest ***t that there is and I hate you more than ive ever hated anything.
It made me calm down a bit but I find myself angry much more now. I have always been calm and patient but now not so much.

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Dear James,

You are angry because you know there is not a darned thing you can do about what has happened and you are angry because you have been left behind. I know exactly how you feel because I felt angry too when my husband of 47 years died nearly seven years ago,I still feel angry because I am now alone. It is frustration too, you want to scream until there is no breath left in your body, well I did scream, I howled like a wounded animal. I was on my knees screaming, shouting because I did not know which way to turn. Even today watching HRH Prince Philip’s funeral, I was crying for HM The Queen, I was crying for Peter and I was crying for me. The pain never goes away, it is always there, deep down simmering away, it is like a dormant volcano that could erupt at any time, it does not take much, sometimes a song of ours can do it.

All we can do is carry one and live the best life we can because there is no other lawful alternative.

Sheila.x

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Hi Sheila
You are so right
I also have some anger lurking inside me
I am angry because I am alone
Angry that Jack isn’t here to see so many things that have happened since he died
I am angry that I feel lonely
I am angry because my life is so empty
So James - nothing wrong in feeling angry as long as the anger doesn’t eat you up
Take care
Sadie x

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the most precious thing in our lives was taken brutally away from us, how can we not be angry? That’s just the proof of our deep love. Knowing my 14yo daughter will be stripped off the company of the best mom and her best friend broke my heart. She was so close to her. Better god doesn’t exist; or else what he’d done to all of us was horrendous.

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Hi
I think God exists - however we all die, we all suffer
Your wife death is not punishment,!
So sorry for your 14 year old daughter, it is a lot to cope at her age
Take care
Sadie

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