Where do we go from here

My 12 year old son witnessed his best friend get killed and I talked to his friend 5 mins before it happened it was 18 month ago but were struggling

That sounds incredibly hard. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you as a mother to try to support your son, just feels impossible from here. Is it trying to talk so that the pain is processed. I had a very traumatic event when I was 12 and I marked my birthdays by how I was feeling. It felt like progress wasn’t being made because it was always a tick box yes I’m feeling awful but it was getting lighter. I don’t know what to say but I really hope things start to improve soon. The miracle of spring is coming x

He doesn’t open up to me because I had know his friend since he was born and his parents are my friends so he knows it upsets me aswell.no one knows or understands how I feel can’t give my son what he wants his friend back. And then I feel guilty because of the circumstances. His dad doesn’t understand I feel like irs my fault. My son is going down the wrong path now and getting into trouble with police but I can’t tell his partner his dad cause he will just say take everything off him and that’s not the answer I don’t know what to do I am sorry for your experience I hope things got a little better in the end and you are able to carry on with a different mind. Thank you so much for your response xx

Oh dear, I know I don’t know how to precisely help but sometimes bouncing ideas can help you know what might help. My son is 12 and his Dad , my beloved husband died , very recently and I recognise the logical way boys or anyone can be , about nothing can help. Finding an outlet that works for boys, have you asked your GP.

Oh my you’re poor son I am so sorry for your loss if I can help in any way I will if you just want someone to talk to or anything I will give you my phone my number or email whatever. I feel like I have nothing to deal with I’m so so sorry please let me know if you want to talk privately my husband works awy so I know how lonely nights can be. I am genuinely so so sorry my heart is with you :broken_heart: :heart: xx

What a kind person. I could give you a hug because your words helped me know that someone cared. I must say though that I was relating to your issue and I truly think what has happened to you and your son is really difficult and I’m not taking away from that. It would be nice to message privately; I have no idea how you do that! X

Oh my your words just made me feel like I can help someone I didn’t think you wr tying to take anything away from me and my situation. I am honestly a genuine caring person if you want to talk privately just text me . Sorry if that sounds a bit desperate but sometimes it helps to talk to someone out of your circle of friends - if you want anything else I’m happy to share anything. I have two gorgeous kids that are my world and just want to make theirs better for them xx

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Love your message…I sent a text. :grin:

I haven’t received one but that’s OK did you get right number

Omg I must sound so desperate I don’t blame you if you don’t answer me but I honestly hope you do I look forward to chatting more and hopefully help each other through our difficult times :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:xx

Oh that’s so nice. I have tried with the second number :crossed_fingers:

Dear @Damagedsoul and @Nikkie,

I am so sorry for the losses your sons are having to deal with. As a mother of a son myself I know how hard it can be to see them struggle. All you want to do is make things better for them. It sounds like you are going to support each other. I really like it when people on this site connect with someone in a similar situation.

To send a private message, all you need to do is click on a person’s name and next to it an option should pop up to do this (unless the other person has unticked that option whan they signed up.)

For security reasons, this site does not allow personal details to be shared, so your phonenumber will probably soon be deleted by one of the moderators, but hopefully you have been able to make contact with each other.

Just some more thoughts: are your sons in schools that offer support? My son was 15 when his grandpa died, this was his first bereavement and we did tell his form tutor and there was support available if he wanted it. The school safeguarding team may also be able to tell you of websites or youth organisations that are suitable for teenagers. Dont take it personal if your boys dont want to talk with you, Just be there for them, love them lots, and if they have good friends support their friendships. xx Jo


That’s very helpful, thank you xx