I am 16mths on this journey and I would like to take you all back to day 1. The tornado that hits and strikes you down, devastation, heartbreak, disbelief, denial, guilt, brain fog and the zillion emotions and thoughts bombarding us 24/7, the sheer physical and mental torment that grief heaps upon you relentlessly. Being in a very dark tunnel that you can’t escape from and the physical and mental fatigue that renders you incapable of seeing a way through it all. The loss of not only your soulmate but the loss of you. Like the remnants of a fire we become ashes of who we once were. At different stages we begin to question what it all means, our own mortality, what lies beyond death, will we meet them again. We want to know all the answers to our million questions so we begin to let grief in, yes, the very grief we feared, in time that grief becomes a comfort, it unravels and pulls us apart like tiny pieces scattered all over the place. I like grief to nature, we can learn a lot from mother nature, the natural cycle of life, seeds become blooms, flowering brightly in the warmth of the sun, winter comes and they wither and die but inbetween they continue to push through the dormancy and the dark soil they are buried under. Like seasons, everything has a cycle. Life is a wheel, it has up’s and down’s, life changes, life evolves, it’s continuous like a never ending river that ebbs and flows. When our loved one died, it was the package that died their essence and love resides in our heart and souls for eternity. We are all seeds and seeds regrow from season to season, sometimes dormant, sometimes thriving and the cycle continues.
Over time we slowly begin to accept this cycle we are on and we learn to let go. To smile occasionally, maybe even laugh, we get up, we get dressed, we follow what we have always done, looking for our foundation, structure and routine because we know how to function. We never lose those we love because love is eternal it is forever with us and it’s that love that pulls us through because that’s what love does. We don’t have to physically see it, hear or touch it because it is felt and is ours alone. Nothing in this life or beyond can diminish it, taint it, destroy it because love is eternal. What we learn as time goes by is to accept it and learn to give that love to ourselves. We are all still here for a reason and that reason is love and purpose. 16mths later or however long it takes for you as an individual you reach a sense of peace, nothing that has been done can be undone, we can’t change it, we can’t resist it and like a river we have to go with the flow. None of us know where that river will take us because we are not in control of the future or the past, only the present moment and this is the biggest lesson of death and grief, counting blessings for knowing love, truly living in the present and loving ourselves enough to wake up with peace and hope for a brighter day. The darkness begins to fade as we head towards the light and those that loved us carry the torch to light up the path as we go. When it gets tough, just breath, embrace your thoughts and emotions because they will pass and remember tomorrow is promised to noone
Lovely words LynT and all very true, I am only 10 weeks in and i am already starting to feel a little better and venturing out in to the world again, it is true what you say we do have to carry on our loved ones would want us to, in fact my David would be quite cross with me if i didn’t make the most of my life. We feel very sad that our loved one has gone and feel that their life was cut short and they had much more living to do so we have to do it for them.
Thankyou @LynT
I’m not saying that tomorrow I’ll get up and everything will be ok.
But you have given me hope.
The light at the end of the tunnel. Lit by our loved ones carrying a torch.
That really struck a chord with me. I’m sure that Roger wants me to carry on with my life and to know he could be lighting my way fills me with all sorts of hope.
I’m hoping you may have just started my journey to the rest of my life
Thankyou x x
@Liro
Love is not about pain, heartbreak and despair, it’s about our bonds of love and joy and happiness. It took me much reflection to realise this. Why would the man you loved, married for life, want anything less than your happiness…love continues and so does life, coming to terms with this is a hard journey but when you get to that point you no longer look back, only with a heart full of love and gratitude. We are sometimes so wrapped up in our own grief we forget what their love actually meant. 16 mths on, I finally understand it and it gives me peace knowing that he will always be a part of me and that love will always live on no matter how my life pans out. I will take that, if I find love again, it would be lovely but it will never be a replacement and why would I want it to be. At some point we have to let them go and that is the hardest thing a human being can do but it happens because we cannot live in pain forever xx
Maybe I’m expecting too much at 20 weeks, but I so want to do as I promised him and live my life.
It’s just I miss him so so much. Just saying it makes me cry.
However will I move on if I can’t even say that?
But I will look for that light
@Liro 20 weeks is too early for you to fully process and accept what has happened but you will arrive there when you are ready. Don’t put yourself under pressure, let everything take it’s course and trust in the process. In the meantime live in the present and allow his love to guide you. That light will never dim, it will always shine brightly and it will guide you to where you need to be. Accept all your emotions and thoughts, just let them flow through you. There is nothing to fear. You are never alone because he walks with you every step of the way and allow him in which means letting go of the pain so he can reach you when you are in a place of love. Trust the process and don’t resist it, what you resist will persist. Let the love flow through you. You got this and further down the line you will have that light bulb moment that tells you all is well
Thankyou so much for your words
I shall take them on board
@LynT that has really resonated with me, such a beautiful way of seeing things in the darkest of days, thankyou 