Im so sorry for your loss, i understand how you feel, I lost my beloved husband on 23rd November to cancer, im struggling without him everyday, ive not stopped crying since, the house is empty and so lonely without him, he was my life and my everything, my life is just an existence now waiting to be with him again. Like you I would go to him for the answers, he knew what to say when I was down.
Can you not stay in the house where you lived with him.
I don’t know about life in general as mine has gone.
I’m so sorry you’re here too. It’s just too much isn’t it
I’m only 41 and no one around me understands. Not that I expect them too as they won’t but it’s so isolating
We didn’t have children so I get the loneliness as it is just me now.
I can come back to ours to live, I just don’t know what I want anymore. My sister’s is so neutral but am I being in denial there?!
I suppose I was hoping connecting with other people who do understand might help
Im living in our forever home after my husband retired from the army in 2022, we had so many plans and dreams for the future and now there gone, our children are grown up and have lives of there own so im stuck in the house where i don’t want to be anymore (my husband was 50).
I want to sell it and move back home but then this i think it’s the last place with his memories in it, its also painful
Yes I think that’s where I’m at. I want to stay at home as I feel closer to him there and a sense of it’s our home with lots of memories but it’s also so painful to be in by myself
Like you, I’m thinking of moving closer to family but I’ll never get it back again if I regret it xxx
Luie and I had been considering a move just before I lost him. I don’t know whether to continue with that, we’d only lived in this house a for a little over a year but in that time had grown even closer together so I have special memories here.
I’m not making any rush decisions though, and I don’t think any of us should while we’re still in the early stages. Luie left me Nov 12th 2024 so it’s still very early days.
@Gems83
Can someone stay with you in your own home for a short while, just a week so you have someone around for support? So you can see how it feels to you.
My sister came to stay initially and that helped as it made me do things like wash, get dressed, eat!! She weaned me off by her staying away longer between visits and I was able to stay in the house on my own for a week, then two weeks then longer.
It’s hard, it’s too quiet without Luie, I rarely watched TV before, but I put it on now just to hear voices and activity. I’m watching back series of Outlander which I can lose myself in for a few hours.
Whatever, take time on big decisions like this. You’ll have to try living in your house to really know if you want to stay or go.
Nothing takes the sadness away but keeping busy and your mind occupied gives you a break, however short.
I’ve started cooking, I plan to start my colouring again. I’m lucky that I have so many things that interest me like sewing and jigsaws!
Just distractions, but they all help me.
I wanted to add that I felt no one was checking in on me and I felt very isolated at one point.
I spoke to family and friends and suggested ways they could support me.
I realised that they simply didn’t know what to do or say, plus they are grieving too.
I asked for WhatsApp messages, or even sharing something interesting they’d seen.
I suggested a letter or postcard if a phone call was difficult for them.
They worried about phoning in case it was a bad time, I just said when I’m so lonely there’s never a bad time, just call me!!!
Visits to me at home are better than an invitation out as it means the house feels alive when it’s seen more than just me.
Invitations out are also welcome, another distraction and a chance to be around people, coming home after is difficult but it’s better than being indoors the whole day!
Whatever you do, please be kind to yourself and give yourself all the time you need.
Small steps, day by day. Have pride in any small achievement, I know Luie would be smiling to see me cooking, probably a bit worried I’ll ruin his nice saucepans but glad to see me doing it.
Thank you for your kind reply and all the suggestions. It means a lot.
You’re right, I need to live in my home and see how it feels before making any decisions. It’s been nice staying with my sister and niece for company but I think I need to take the leap now and face reality which if I’m honest I’ve been running from.
I also have lots of things I’m interested in such as embroidery which I enjoyed during lockdown. So I’ll look into get back into some of those hobbies.