Not much of a vent, but it’s a biggie for me. I don’t whine. Honest I don’t. But what do you do when someone, out of the kindness of their heart, you think, offers you help - and I’m talking minor minor inconvenience to them - and you thought, oh what the hell, let’s take them up on it, after all, it will make them feel great for being useful. Right? So like a mug you do…and then the next day by what they do ( I dare not go into detail ) make it perfectly obvious in the “nicest” possible way that that was a once in a life time offer, never to be repeated and you better get a grip mate. Am I being too harsh on them. I had a moral compass - she’s gone. So you kind folks might have a view. See, I told you. not much of a vent. More of whine.
Not knowing the details, it does sound a werid thing to do to offer you help , which admittedly a lot of people do and sort of don’t mean it when you are grieving. This isn’t me being nasty to people in general it is just an observation that some people say oh if you need anything dont hesitate to ask but they don’t all mean it they are just being polite and hope you never ask and others are so kind and wonderful without being asked. Or if you do ask the tiniest thing then they are only to glad to do something useful for you. But to tell you to get a grip thats mean. I mean why did they bother to help you if they didn’t really want to and be so grudging. To be fair most people if they offered then didn’t want to would probably just have made an excuse rather than doing it and then being mean.
So basically i am very sorry for your loss. Also if you want to have a moan and a vent here is the place to do it as there are a lot of caring and understanding people here who know what you are going through. Also from what you say you have every right to be a bit confused by this persons actions. You know i don’t think you where really moaning or whining that much just confused by this person and you are right to feel this way. I am sorry you have lost your moral compass but I don’t think you have lost her completely that part the moral compass bit is still with you if you look inside your memories its that what would “insert name of your loved one” do.in such and such a time. And you will know what she would do or say and you will see that part of her is still there. Its just hard for you to see that just now through your grief because things are so raw right now but it will come back in time when you are ready. Take care of yourself and I hope that you have others in your real life to give you the support you need right now. You were brave you took a chance on letting someone who offered into your life and just because this particular person didn’t work out dont let it stop you from letting others do the same or just even sharing your memories with your partners friends and family.
Thanks. You are absolutely right. Plus, me making a mountain out of a molehill…that’s the only problem with online things, it’s easy to fire things off and then regret it the day later. Which I do, a bit. But I was confused, then. I’ve since done one right thing - one right and one wrong. The right thing was to do exactly what you said, and the answer came back loud and clear. Not worth thinking about. And the wrong thing was I then went on to ponder it all over again. Oh well. But I will as you suggest indeed continue to share and accept and offer just as I/we always did. It’s hard teaching old dogs new tricks but I’m learning : in this instance I’ve relearned what a real friend is all about, and to value them even more. Oh, and if someone offers me something out of the blue and which is entirely out of character, take that gift horse and get a really good look at its teeth first.
Dear @Wil58, I do like your style of posting. It’s unique and makes me smile, which is quite rare these days.
Your friend didn’t act in a nice way. And I’d be quite upset if that happened to me. You didn’t make a mountain out of a molehill in my opinion, sometimes something which might seem so minor in the scheme of things can actually say quite a lot about someone’s character, and be upsetting. Especially when done by someone supposed to be our friend. There was a guy in his 60s I used to help a lot, he never bothered asking about my dad, didn’t even contact me even though he knew, @Meebee told me to ignore him, that I don’t need him in my life, and she is correct, but it can be easier said than done, because the disappointment can really hurt. Hope you and Meebee are having an ok day today.
Thanks so much for that. I am glad I made you laugh. Didn’t mean to, but perhaps your sense of humour is like mine/ours. WE
Sorry about that response. Slightly more unique than I meant. I was going to continue WE I was going to say could roll about laughing at the most absurd things, and the most serious as well. I do so miss that. But @Meebee is spot on, really. It’s not living in someone else’s past, now gone, to rely on or consult their judgement. ( I am sure I spelt that right but the checker says no ). She’s as big a part of me now as she ever was. She would be saying, “Well, I could tell you what THEY were like from the start”… ( and add some typically incisive borderline moderator-grabbing comment after it ). Boy oh boy oh boy was she right. Anyway, I might start on another whiny rant if I go on, of no use to anybody, and there is gardening to do. Gardening is 1) useful 2) a distraction. Sounds good to me right now. Best wishes to you. Keep struggling.
You have wit. I like that, as I love to laugh. Which is what makes grief so devastating, as I rarely do that now.
Your writing style is also unique. This place is usually full of depressing posts - which is to be expected, grief is very depressing. So when people like you write a post with a very unique style, or @Jonathan123 writes positive posts, it is good, we need people here who can bring some positivity to the forum. It’s a gift, all my replies are the same “sorry about your loss, have you considered counselling, hope you’re better, keep posting” - boring, mundane, and quite uninspiring.
Sorry, or am I really but you also made me smile and I’m not being unsympathetic, honest!!!
I love this saying ‘get a grip’. Where do you get these ‘grips’. We on this forum would love to get one if it helps us.
You whine all you like we all like to have one from time to time and fortunately the nice forum people understand and please don’t regret it, at least you made some of us smile which can’t be a bad thing.
I don’t think people really mean to be unkind with their tactless remarks. One remark that now makes me smile was. “You know where we are, but don’t make it too often”. Now I am not a clingy person and fiercely independent so at the time really annoyed me. Needless to say they was never contacted.
Abdullah, never, never think of your replies as being uninspiring or boring. I enjoy reading them.
You are there helping people who are suffering big time. You are kind and do a good job and much valued.
Abdullah. You might think they are boring but to many people it shows that someone is listening and they are not alone. That is something you should be proud of.
That’s really kind of you and @Pattidot, maybe we’re too critical of ourselves? Hopefully it does help someone, because that’s what we’re all here for, to get helped and help.
Good for you. no more Christmas cards for them. Sorry if I am speaking out of turn, but some people are just vile.
I’ve crossed a lot of people off my Xmas card list
@Abdullah absolute rot. You were the very first person to hang onto when I came on here and I will continue to do just that. Like it or lump it. You keep on doing what you are doing. Works for me.
My Christmas card list has really dwindled but I can’t say I’m sorry, I never did like sending them. Call me a meanie.
I hate sending cards. I now just donate to charity. Only send to close friends and family.
Yes me too. Brian’s family seem to have forgotten I exist, so crossed them all off. Much better idea to donate to charity anyway.
I can joke about it, but that’s one thing i have not even thought about yet. Christmas. I think I might go multidenominational and have a Christmas Purdah. Starting end of October.