I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’m 40 years old and how much of my life I have left to live… if I live to 80, that’s almost a whole other lifetime I have left!
I have friends who are a similar age, and a best friend who is 10 years older than me. My sister is 13 years older than me, my brother is seven years older than me, so it’s my partner.
Does anyone else feel like after losing a loved one or many loved ones, That they become scared of who might be next?
I’ve lost aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and now my mum and sometimes I find myself sitting here just thinking and wondering who’s next, who am I going to have to live without next…. How much longer do I have with everyone?
It’s a pretty morbid way of thinking and I try to not let it consume me. But I’ve experienced such a great amount of loss in my 40 years…. I’m pretty scared of how I will managed any more.
Thank you for sharing these feelings with us. You’ve had such a lot of loss, it’s understandable you’d have these kinds of fears. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts
I’m 59 my husband died last year when I had just turned 58… I never thought about my age before or much about being alone , my husband was two years younger than me. Now I can’t stop thinking about the time I have lift , that I’m old alone and am going to get even more alone. Like you my siblings are older one died two years before my husband) and my mum is 86 . They are my main support now because my adult kids can’t cope with the grief. It’s scary .
Yes I had these scary thoughts as well as in the same boat. However, yesterday was good in the butterfly farm with my eleven year old grandson and for a treat for us both in his half term holiday from school when he was at a loose end. Made me feel wonderful sitting feeding the ducks afterwards by the riverside while he was eating a big ice-cream. I was remembering all the times I had sat there with my husband but being with our grandson was a lovely link with past and future.
I saw so much of my late husband in him and he liked hearing stuff I had I say. Nice to take photo memories. Times like that make living in the moment special.
Lost my mum in June(95)and since then like you,I keepthinking of who is next.
My partner is not in best of health and the thought of going thru with him what I went thru with mum(dementia)scares me.
It becomes hard to be positive. Try to find something you enjoy…I knit for charity…and hopefully going back to volunteering at charity shop again.
My grief I know is tied up in guilt too.
Did I do things well enough?
Everyone told me I did but its the self doubt. Hopefully in time this will ease.
I am not going to feel guilty any more. No one is perfect. Can’t change it. My husband wasn’t either. A mixture.
Yesterday I sat on my own where we had sat at an aboretum. I let the peacefulness of the place and stillness feel nice. We had been happy there.
