I’d like to say with honesty I’d rather not have loved & lost so I didn’t feel this pain but in truth if I could have 35 amazing years with Bryan again , I’d do it in a heartbeat 
xxxx
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I only had 4 1/2 years with jane and so wish id met her sooner so i could of had more time with her and it goes without saying if i had to do it all again i would.
We all have to take care of ourselves 1st so i dont think its selfish to look out for no.1, you will be in a better place to care for those around you. If you neglect yourself then it will cause problems further along, i think that makes sense 
It does . Doesn’t matter how long we were with them if the love is real, it’s real .
My brother tells me I’m so lucky to have had Bry & that we had more love than sone people don’t get in a lifetime. He’s right but it doesn’t help 
.
I’ve just taken my first Melatonin tablet, let’s hope it works & I get a decent sleep.
Hope you manage to too x x
How did you get on with the melatonin?
I know when i was prescribed it, it helped me sleep but i had to stop taking it as i was very drowsy the following morning.
Had an awful nights sleep, couldnt switch off and then sleeping for an hour and wide awake again 
I lost my mam when I was 21. She had cancer and she really suffered towards the end. That grief was completely different to the loss of a partner. You expect to have a life and life experiences separate from your parents, you don’t plan your future with your parents, my future was with my partner and now it’s not
Jumping into an empty bed every day, not having him here to hug and take the mick out of me, I even miss his moaning and snoring 
He was the most important person in my life, the person who has been there for me since we first got together, the most wonderful, caring man I’ve ever known. My perfect match. And now he’s gone. I just can’t cope with it all
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@Narna did nothing for me was still awake at 5am mind going all over like yours , seeing Bry that morning , shouting at him for leaving , Googling everything to try to make sense of it all & now it’s ground dog day all over again. Too tired to function so lay in bed xxx
I feel your pain so much . It’s heartbreaking & horrendous
Life is cruel & unfair and I don’t understand why it has to happen like this . Why give you your perfect person to snatch them away ?
I just wish we could have gone together, rather that than be here without him xxxx
Yes I wish we could have gone together too The next time I see a couple die together in a car accident on the news I’m probably going to think at least one of them didn’t get left behind to go through the torture that we are now.
The problem is I’m still here and I can’t do anything about it. I want to go to bed and not wake up but I wouldn’t actually do anything about it myself. I ask him to come back for me but I don’t think he can hear me.
I’m still quite young and could easily have another 20 years left. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being miserable. I’m only 6 weeks in at the minute so it’s still very new and raw for me. I do hope the emptiness and hopelessness starts to fade soon because I know he wouldn’t want to see me like this, I know I do eventually have to try and live again but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to.
Life just seems like such a senseless, pointless waste of time when you can be the nicest, hardest working, most caring and loving person ever and just drop dead like that. He deserved a few years after retirement to live without worrying about work. He deserved so much more than what he got. I’m so angry that he died.
Lostlil thats one of the hardest parts for me, getting into an empty bed with nobody yo cuddle upto. Id take Janes snoring and fidgeting if it meant i could have her back.
It took me so long to find jane and in a blink of an eye she was taken from me, why let me find her if it meant i had to say goodbye again so soon.
I keep seeing older people about and thinking why couldnt of you gone, then i feel bad wishing harm to someone else.
Having a bad day today anxiety is terrible feels like my heart is trying to escape, took the dog out came home the tears flowed and then went to shop got back same thing with the tears… im not sure how much more i can take of this, there seems to be no end just misery in the future:broken_heart:
I see so many elderly people who don’t really have any quality of life, I often think how is it fair that some people plod on until their 90s or older then die peacefully then others die during childhood after suffering from cancer or some other horrible disease.
I just wish there was a meaning to it all instead of being just so random and cruel. I don’t believe in an afterlife, I wish I could because at least then you think there’s actually a point to it all
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Me too , so angry that he was taken , he was amazing , loving, caring, kind, hardworking, honest , fun……
I too could have another 20 years & the thought of it fills me with dread .
Like you I don’t think I would do anything to myself but I guess we won’t know that until a day we feel like we just can’t go on but tbh I don’t think I am brave enough to do it and would hate to put my kids through it so I just pray & ask Bry everyday to come and get me or whoever it is that makes these decisions xxxxxx
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@LostLil @PollyjaneW You are both describing exactly how I feel today. I have cried so much this morning that my head aches. Why let me have just 12 years with someone who I loved with all my heart then steal him away?? I dreamed about him last night for the first time since he died and I was gutted when I woke up for it all to be just a dream. I’ve had a few good days this week, but the last couple have hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I’m thinking ‘how dare they??’ I still can’t believe he is gone. How can someone who was part of my soul be gone??? xx
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I know exactly how you feel . I hate the sound of the outside world . I just wish could I exit as quick as my Bry did. This pain is too much .
Yesterday was really bad for me. Today I got up ( nit long ago ) showered stripped & changed my bed & put some of brys clothes that were in a pile back in his drawers telling him I’m doing it for me and then shouting at him for going first . This is not living , this is existing in a place that non of us wanted or deserve to be in xxxx
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@PollyjaneW I’ve just told mine off too! I still can’t believe this is real and was definitely not part of the plan. We were supposed to get old together xx
I know life is just beyond cruel but let’s put convicts in a prison , given them coloured televisions feed them , train them, all FOC !!! Makes my blood boil!!! Sorry for the rant ……
Xxx
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