I know exactly how you feel, I get panic attcks as well, and keep thinking something else bad is going to happen .
It really is a nightmare for all of us.
I cannot see a future at all 
for me.
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Dear Carly, I am wishing you all the very best. We are all in the same boat and know how you are feeling. We are here for you to support you. Hugs from Anna
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Yeh exactly like my husband ! He was so damn brave too !!! I loved him so much for that ! And it didnt save him either ! I blame our NHS and i always will ! Its crap !!
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Hi Loobyloo2
I think the loneliness is one of the worst parts of our grieving process. I feel so helpless at times especially at night. All we can do is support each other on here. xx
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Its hard by yourself isnt it ? I think you lose your confidence and as you say feel do alone at times. Im getting used to my own company but its still rubbish ! Im just mad with all the family members who could support you but cant be bothered !!! X
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@MoGreg1 @Deb5 thank you both for replying. At first I wasn’t too bad in the evening but as time has moved on the evenings are now just as bad as the day time, if not worse. I think back to how we spent our evenings and it wasn’t anything exciting, just like most people I suppose. But when it 's just you now on your own it’s just empty. No one to discuss the day with or what you might want to watch on the telly or what you might have lined up for the next day. I don’t like mithering (as I put it) people either. It just stinks being on your own now.x
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Totally agree. There is something lovely just being in the quiet with the person you love. Maybe just massaging their legs or snuggled under a throw. Watching rubbish TV, eating chocolate or laughing together.
Now just emptiness that unfortunately no one can fill.
But we all feel the same on here. So even reading the messages can bring us comfort that we have each other for support in the hope that brighter days will be somewhere in the future. X
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Does anyone else feel like this ? People say go for a walk it will help you. I walk my dog miles and I do see people have a quick chat and on my way. But I find myself thinking about the loss of my wife and feel even sadder. I know it’s good for you in a physical way but I seem to get lower in mood
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Hi. I think in the early days walking is not for everyone. After 3 weeks of my o/h passing, it was a sunny day so I decided to just have a quick walk by my house.
I only got as far as the corner of the street and remembered how we used to walk to fetch a newspaper together. My legs felt like cement and the world felt an unfriendly place. I persevered for 20 minutes but ended up going home upset.
Walking with people who can perhaps distract you from your thoughts is better. I’ve not attempted it since.
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I’m sometimes too anxious to go out. I let everything get the better of me. I’ve suffered with anxiety for the last 30 years. You would think I would be used to it by now but know It blights my life and has become worse since my husband died x
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I take my dog for a walk and sometimes the tears just start falling down my face. I have no control over this. It’s just that I miss my husband by my side.x
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When I go grocery shopping now I feel anxious and my legs shake as it all feels so different shopping for one. I don’t really eat much now and haven’t cooked at all in 5 weeks. Reminders everywhere you look. We just have to hang on tight and get through each day whether that be in tears or anger in the hope that we are healing very slowly.
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@MoGreg1 Hi Mo, I’m not as far down the road as you as my partner passed away not 3 months ago. You’re not alone here, we’re all walking that bumpy path of grief and bereavement in our own way. On Tuesday I went to a printers and had some photos of her printed off and that was tough - it shouldn’t have been but it’s strange how normal day to day things bring back memories and make your eyes moist.
I think that we can find peace and be happy but sometimes these things are very elusive. Happiness comes and goes - even without loss we’re never happy all the time, but I think we can get to a point where we’re able to at least smile when we remember our loved ones. That’s what I hope for me anyway, that at some point in the future I’ll find a kind of peace with what has happened. Everyone on these forums is very supportive and I know my partner would be saying that it’s ok to cry, laugh, smile and move on with life when I’m ready. Best wishes to you.
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Its 6 months today that i lost my husband to cancer and i am still finding it so hard to carry on with out him i miss him so much
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Dear Kwent, I have the same experience. I went out for a walk on Sunday but broke down again after returning home. You are not alone. A special big hug from Anna
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Yep i know what you mean. I find i dont really wanna engage because im a bit worried soon as i open my mouth i will talk about my husband and sometimes you just don’t wanna talk about it do you ? I find i have to just keep stum and just say hello or something - keep it brief xx
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Im the same 4 months for me xx
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It’s awful isn’t it it was 4 weeks yesterday for me that my Bry passed away & 4 weeks today since the funeral .
I cannot deal with this pain & the sounds of life going on around me all hurts so much .
Sending lots of love & hope the funeral goes as well as it can , it’s hard , but it was like I was in a daze , floating above watching it all . Very strange . For me the day after the funeral was like day 1 all over again., so prepare yourself, in saying that it’s different for everyone & it’s still raw for us so every day is hard , painful & rubbish 
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I do . Yes it’s good to get fresh air & people do mean well but nothing is going to bring our loved ones back & it’s so hard & painful . 
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