Nearly 10 months since I lost my Dad. I believe I’ve been coping really well. I have a lot of anger at my family for the way they treated Dad and I (long story) and I genuinely thought this was subsiding…however yesterday and this morning I have just been flooded with memories and feel really upset and angry. I really miss my Dad. I can usually force myself to think of happy memories but not these last couple of days. I just seem to be remembering unpleasantness. I don’t understand why this is? Nothing bad has gone on this week. It’s not an anniversary or birthday or anything. I know that grief comes in waves…but why are some days worse than others?
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Hi Eponine
I’m sorry to hear this is a bad day for you. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us.
Keep reaching out, Rhi
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@Eponine I have been exactly the same. I’m 20 months in and have been doing really well but for some reason, the last 2 weeks I have been sad, angry, depressed, crying - the whole lot. I really thought I was on the way forward. I have had losses before and I know that it gets better, so I just have to keep hanging on to that thought and tell myself that this is just another bad phase and I will get through it. I have even been back to day drinking and wishing not to wake up in the morning - and that really isn’t me, I have so much to live for. If I’m no better in a week, I think I’ll ring the doctor. This is definitely the worst roller coaster ever.
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@Dublingirl Thank you for responding. Sorry its a tough time for you too. I sometimes know what triggers these thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t always help but at least it’s less confusing then when things seem to come out of the blue! It could be something weird like the weather or hormones. Just seems odd to be doing okay one minute and then crying and angry the next. Perhaps it is just the rollercoaster of grief.
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@Eponine I have been wondering if it is hormonal. I’m post-menopause so who knows what’s going on inside!! And of course, we haven’t had much of a summer, that has been depressing too. Add it all together with a huge dollop of grief and missing the person you’d have a good old whinge with…
@Dublingirl hormones makes sense of some of it definitely. Yes, I was thinking the same thing this morning…I enjoy talking to my friends and it’s lovely but it’s not the same as talking to my Dad. I try to replicate conversations in my head with him but he was so sensible, kind and witty I can’t always do it.
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When I lost my Dad in April I went back to work quite quickly because it was a good distraction. However, I have now found myself back on the sick becuase no matter how hard we try to avoid the pain, its always there, and we can only push it away for so long before we have to feel and acknowledge it.
This isn’t a nice feeling at all, but I think that it’s necessary. It will pass - focus on the one thing that you’re doing, whether its washing, walking the dog, or watching telly - before moving onto the next, and always be gentle and kind to yourself 
@Lynnbug Thank you, that is good advice. I often find myself thinking about my Dads siblings who were very unkind to me during my Dads terminal illness. They offered no emotional or financial support. They only showed up towards the end of his life and it became clear very quickly they were only interested in what things they could take or what they would inherit…the answer was nothing. He left everything to me and made me sole power of attorney when he was alive (which I think says something about his trust in them!) . I know I shouldn’t waste time, energy and anger on them (I do not maintain a relationship with them now) but it is hard. I think I’m just so angry that when I needed help not an inch of kindness was shown to me by them. It is hard to get over as well as the grief itself. I should definitely focus on resting, walking my dog and a good comedy! Need to shift the focus I think. I do hope the sick leave gets you the rest and maybe some comfort that you need