I lost my darling husband on 13 June this year. I thought I was coping fairly well but this last couple of weeks have been awful. I just cant see the point of anything. I do the everyday mundane things but cant see the point of doing anything else. I find myself crying over the most stupid things and some times just for nothing. Most family and friends have just sort of disappeared. I know they all have their own families to look out for but it does hurt. I just wish I could pull myself together and get on with things. As I am writing this I am sitting crying. Why? I am having counselling but it dosnt seem to be helping although I’ve only had a couple of sessions. Just got to give it time I suppose. I keep telling myself I am lucky I had 50 years with my soul mate and so many others on here only had a short time with theirs. Sorry to be such a misery but just thought if I wrote it down I might see some light at the end of the tunnel. Take care everyone and hugs to all. Ann
Hi Ann. Sorry I can’t really relate as I’m not exactly in the same situation as you. I haven’t lost a partner, but lost my mum aged 90 in May. I’m 53 and had lived with her all my life (so it’s like a life-long partnership!). I miss her tremendously. I still have a lot of years left (hopefully!) so I need to focus on where my life takes me now. I’m not sure at this point. Everything in my life has basically changed. I lost my job when mum became ill a few years ago, but I have fortunately set up my own business and I am making some progress with that. So that is one positive step. I am so sorry for your loss. Obviously you are a little bit ‘older in years’ than me! I know the feeling of ‘can’t be bothered’. Grief takes it out of us so much and because we don’t have our loved ones around, there doesn’t seem a lot of point. We don’t now have the same lives, do the things with our loved ones, and to be honest, if you spend a lot of time at home, doing the same ‘boring’ things every day, it gets really hard and so lonely. Do you have friends who you see? Can you get out and about to visit shops? do you drive? Are you able to take walks? (I find walking helps). Maybe there is a local group or volunteer facility you could try in your area a few days a week to get out of the house and break the silence and boredom? It is so hard in life and so very difficult just to find the strength to carry on. I try to be positive and think that there are a lot of great things still to have in life, it’s just up to us to try and give ourselves a kick up the backside and carry on. I know our loved ones would want that, and I’m sure they are around us and guiding us on. xxx
Hi Ann,
I lost my husband back in February and the last couple of weeks have been awful. It may have been made worse because I sprained my ankle and so have had to spend a lot of time sitting down rather than being active, but not so sure. It just comes in waves. People have abandoned me this week and even though they tell me to contact them anytime if I’m feeling low I don’t like to as the only person I want to talk to is my Keef. I too have had 2 counselling sessions which have been very helpful but still don’t really feel like doing anything at the moment. I have been wondering if it’s the onset of Autumn/Winter which is getting me down as this time last year Keef started to get ill and he wouldn’t let me help. We can only try our best, cry and scream when we need to, laugh (if that’s possible!) and remember all of the good times you had with your partner. I was with my husband for nearly 44 years, basically all of my adult life , so this has been a huge wrench and unless someone else has been through this they really can’t relate, which is why this forum is so helpful. Do take care and don’t worry about venting your feelings on this site. Gail xx
@ Guineapig65 Thank you Gail for responding. It does help to know there are others in the same ‘boat’ as I know there are many on here. Its such a sad club to belong to and I know all of us wish we didnt. Take care Ann
I’ve tried to make myself feel a bit better so have just ordered some Christmas things from the Disney site!! I know it’s still a long way off but sometimes getting happy things helps. Thanks Gail x
You too. xx
Hi, I thought I was coping too after losing two boys this year, but it just creeps up on you out of the blue. I get when you say you cry at silly little things and even for nothing. I do that every single day. I am sure it’s the body’s mechanism of coping. Releasing tears always sheds me of this heavy hearted feeling, only temporary but it still helps. My problem is I can’t cry in front of family, I go to bathroom and cry or cry silently every morning whilst they are sleeping. I have become adept at changing my sad face to a stifled yawn at a seconds notice. I am not sure if there is a definitive time frame on grief as people cope in many different ways. I am struggling at the moment with the way one of mine died it’s just too much some days. I do hope you find some peace and always remember it’s ok to smile and laugh there is no need to feel guilty for having a good day 