I recently lost my mum a week ago suddenly. I remember letting out 3 loud cries when she passed but nothing as intense since. She was in intensive care for around 4 days on life support and I stayed and slept by her bed the whole entire time. I feel like there is something wrong with me. My mum was also under a lot of stress and I also feel a sense of relief on her part that this is all over for her. I feel bad for feeling this way as there’s nothing more than I want but to have her back. I told her one day that something had to give. She couldn’t carry on with that kind of stress. Ultimately that is what killed her. She was my best friend, we talked every single day. I’m left here to pick up all the pieces.
My brother is an alcoholic and her partner is suffering from early Alzheimer’s. They were completely dependent on her for everything. I feel they want me to carry on this role but I have my own family with a young baby. I have been left with dealing with absolutely everything arranging the funeral and everything else as they are incapable. I am exhausted.
I know she is gone as I was there but why don’t my emotions show. I still have conversations with strangers as if nothing has happened. Am I not normal?.
My husband died at the end of December after suffering horrendously from MND. I too feel like i cant cry even though i cried every day when he was alive. Grief is different for everyone and just because you cant cry does not mean you are not grieving. You need to be kind to yourself and look after you as your family will need you too. There is nothing wrong with you, you are still processing things. Take care x
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago and, like you, was there when she passed away. She was also my best friend.
You are completely normal. Everyone deals with grief differently (well that’s what everyone keeps telling me!). Like you, i also arranged the funeral and was physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel for you so much.
I can only speak from my experience, but my emotions came out this week after the funeral. It’s like my body wouldn’t allow me to feel anything until i said goodbye. You may feel the same (or not) but just wanted to reassure you that i was exactly the same and you have nothing to worry about. Take good care of yourself xxx
You’re in shock and survival mode. Your body knows that you need to do other things and its keeping you in a state where you can keep going without damage. It’s still very early days for you and it’s still raw. The emotions will come when ready.
Everyone grieve’s differently and at their own pace. Just try to focus on the little things or task by task. What you describe is normal.
I’m ever so sorry for your loss. Losing a mum is hard.
@Idontcry first of all, so sorry for your loss. Secondly, I can relate to everything you are feeling. My mum was admited to ICU on 20 December and she remained there on life support till 5th February when she died. So 7 weeks in total. I too visited and watched her being in stress, I wasn’t able to communicate with her, she didn’t recognize me and I don’t know if she could hear me. I cried so much by her bedside… I visted her on Sunday afternoon (they only allowed viditing 2-5pm) and she died Monday morning. I recieved a call when I was on my way to hospital… Like everyone said, we are all different, what you feel is normal. I cried so much when mum was in hospital, I think I haven’t got any tears left… Please look after yourself and your family, prioritise it. Your brother is a grown up man, you can’t be responsible for him. We are all here for you ok. Sending warm hugs xx
I’m sorry to hear about your mum passing. It sounds like you went through a similar thing like me. It’s so tough isn’t it. I feel that you are right, once the funeral is over I think my emotions will take over. I just worry that it will spiral me into a dark place.
Is there anything that you did to help when you did end up releasing the built up emotions?
I’m sorry to hear about your mum passing. Does it feel like because you were there towards the end of her life that it helped to deal with the grief?
You are right, I forget he is a grown man because of how much my mum did. He is 35 years old and I’m 33. I just have to distance myself and take care of my own family. It’s just hard because he is my brother but myself and mum tried to help him and he won’t accept the help. He hasn’t seen me cry and probably thinks I’m not grieving.
@Idontcry unfortunatelly being there with her for last 7 weeks of her life doesn’t make it easier for me to cope with loss. I think it makes it bigger…
Hey, yes it definitely seems we went through something very similar. It’s so, so tough. I really feel for you.
The funeral took place a week ago and I definitely feel like the emotions have come out this week. I’ve been leaning on my friends and partner and have been kind to myself (I made plans and then cancelled quite a few of them as I just needed to rest). I had the same fear that I would spiral into a dark place but being kind to myself has definitely got me through. Also crying when I need to and tucking into a bar of galaxy!! Seems to have worked so far!
It’s sounds to me like your in shock, I too was left to sort everything out and it wasn’t until after the funeral and the well wishers had gone that I felt the enormity of what had happened and it all came out.Still does now.
Don’t worry about it it’s a normal response and you will grieve when your ready and it’s right for you xx
