My husband died suddenly in March at the age of 52. I’m told things will get better, but such an odd age to completely restart a new life. Question, why bother??
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What is the alternative? I don’t love the life I have. I could throw the towel in and transfer my pain to my children. That would mean that my daughter would go into care, my son would have to arrange that. She would be left to the tender mercies of the non-existent care services. He would have to deal with all the crap I am struggling to come to terms with.
Bugger that. As miserable as my life is, my kids and I have suffered enough already. Whilst I have air to breathe, I will do my best to make an honourable life for all of us. On that horrible day that my husband died I wanted to die too. Sometimes I still feel the same, but I refuse to allow the Grim Reaper to get a BOGOF deal, he isn’t going to get a Buy One, Get One Free.
My husband’s life was more than enough!
Xx
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I like your fighting spirit against the grim reaper! We didnt have children so just me and the dog now. By the time I’ve fought through this over the next few years it will be just me as an old person!
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We didn’t have children, the pets are all gone too.
I just feel I owe it to him to carry on, find things to enjoy and live my life the best way I can.
It’s not easy, in fact the last nine months have felt impossible at times, and I miss him every day but I can’t give up, because he wouldn’t want me to…
Why bother? Because you are so worth it, because you’re stronger than you think, because… as tough as it is right now, you’ll find a way through.
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As my daughter said recently, “I wonder what will happen next?”. At the moment, we have no idea and cannot see past the next few days. Yes, other things have tried me since he went, but I have also seen other possibilites for my future. On Saturday I overheard my friend telling someone “She isn’t there yet”, referring to me; I know what she meant as she is one of the rare ones who get me. I will get there, but no inkling of when as yet. We need to hang on, keep doing all sorts of new things and one day we will reach that new place.
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I sort of know what you mean about being an odd age to completely start a new life. I was 49 when my husband passed away. I felt I fell into a void, somewhere between being young enough to start again but too young to join widow groups as the members were mainly older people… However I moved forward and life did improve. It is still relatively early in for you in your bereavement journey, personally I found an improvement in my grief after about a year
.To be honest I hid away for most of the first year but then started going out and about more. I am here now on this group because late last year my beloved
friend Stephen passed away…and it’s him that I am now struggling to come to terms with being gone. I,m 60 now so too old I feel to start a new relationship.
Take heart in knowing. , that although our loved ones are no longer here , there are many others who love us too.
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Cab, Honey, you have no choice. Your new life already started. Had your loved one survived you, would you want them to give up or carry on and live the best life possible? I know your answer. In older times, the widows/widowers mourned for a solid year. They were so much smarter than us, they knew it would take time for any sort of “normal” to return. My dear friend told me it really takes about 18 months. You will get there. Be kind to yourself, you can’t rush this and there is no pill to make it all better - just time. Give yourself plenty of time. Peace.
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I’m 59, lost my partner suddenly 20 months ago when i was 57. He was 49.
The grief i feel is not going anywhere and will be with me for life. I’ve learnt to live with it and adjust.
My life however, goes on and i feel too young to give up on it. I have made new friends and still have some old ones. Yes, life is different but it’s certainly not over. If i live till I’m 90, i have 30 years to go and do not want to do that alone. Although not in any rush, if I’m lucky to find love, I’ll embrace it. If i don’t, i still want to be content and happy.
I also know, as in life, what ever decision i make, my man will support me because he always did and he would want me to be happy.
This site had been so good for me, making new friends and i also know friends who have joined WAY (widowed and young) and WAYUP
I have found year two harder. The emotional side not as bad but the missing them and the reality of your new life kicks in. The reality of life without them. I think with year one you have all the firsts to prepare for and the desperation and pain of loss to deal with that you don’t have time for anything else.
I’m still told from people further on that I’m in the early days. Grief is a process that has no end but that doesn’t mean it’s all over. Easier days will come. Gaps between the waves get much bigger and believe it or not, your doing ok and all you feel is normal.
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