Its been 6months since i lost my Andy,but the pain still feels like yesterday,i cant think,make any decisions because my brain feels scrambled,i went to my gp who referred me to a mental health organisation,who have diagnosed ptsd,but i dont feel like this feeling will ever go.he will be 50 in 3weeks,and instead of celebrating i will be sat by his grave.
5 Likes
hi @Courtshaun, I can only really talk from my own experience, at 6 moths or there about I had a really difficult time, coincidently this would have been around my wife’s birthday also. For me it was the shock wearing off and the realisation that this was it, forever. It’s been a long climb but I feel like I’m managing to put myself back together. it can be done, I had to start slowly, going out for walks helped give me a bit of distance and perspective, as place to reflect that was away from our home, I don’t know if this is something you have tried? You say you have been diagnosed with PTSD, are you getting counselling or treatment for that, sorry I don’t really know how that would work. have you tried reading up or watching videos on PTSD? It might help to give you a better understanding of what your are experiencing. Over the last 9 months I often become fixated on anniversaries, as I’ve moved forward I’ve come to realise that the anticipation is worse than the event, It’s hard when you’re in the middle of that anticipation but you can get through it. I now tend to try and think up a little ritual that I can do on the day, walk somewhere, buy some type of food and cook, sit and read a book my wife liked. I focus on that instead and it seems to help.
2 Likes
Hi walan,its like my mind wont allow me to think,as its all jumbled up,tbh,im not sure how the therapy will work,ive cut off from everyone,dont answer my phone,and just want to be alone
1 Like
@Courtshaun I kind of isolated myself as well for a long time, to be honest I just couldn’t do with all the concerned looks and kid gloves. I just wanted to be by myself, still do most of the time. But I’ve come to see the benefit of being among people, even if it’s not to socialise. It makes me realise that although it’s hard, life does go on, that things do move forward and
I will go on also. I couldn’t make decisions or think things through properly, it just felt to overwhelming trying not to make the wrong decision, the wrong choice and I worried that it would bring more pain if I did. But I made myself do things, I started writing out lists, what was important, what was needed, what could wait. I still do and I still have to make an effort to work through those lists but I know that I get benefit from just trying, if it fails I’ll try again or try something different. Be patient with yourself, small steps or all you need to take right now.
3 Likes
@Courtshaun I lost my husband just over 7 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 53. I went to my doctor who referred me to a trauma therapist. I had assessment and scored 55 points and anything over 30 points is PTSD. I have just started having therapy which is EMRD. I have had counselling in the past but find this very beneficial.
I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and are going through this horrendous journey. I find that the rawness is the beginning has gone but still feel a deep sadness and miss my husband like crazy. Today I kept saying Why. Just so unfair. Take care and take one hour at a time.
Big hugs xx
Hazel,
Reading your words, I am not the only one of course who feels the injustice of losing my beautiful soul too early. Also, like you, I feel sad inside, even when friends invite me out, I try to enjoy it, but there’s a core of sadness running through me, especially at the thought of returning to an empty home and not seeing her beautfiul face and holding her in my arms. I miss her so very much, all the time.
I am trying not to get ahead of myself and overthink, so I try the advice of an hour at a time.
Thank you x
1 Like
You are suffering from brain fog that is part of grief. I think we have all gone through it. I am alone most of the time as it is difficult for me to get out. I hope to feel up to it eventually. Do whatever feels right for you. There is no right or wrong. Xx
Thankyou all for your kind words 
it feels like im never going to get over my hurt and pain x
1 Like
Six months for me tomorrow. I’m trying so hard to live with my grief, not find a cure, there is no cure but there has to be some kind of life worth living.
Trying to keep busy, not easy I know and you do have to force yourself, does help. Also, one day at a time or even an hour at a time.
Friends who I thought would always be there , have sadly drifted away. But, some new acquaintances who are on our journey, I hope will become friends.
It helps to talk, this is talking now and helps me. Thank you for reading. x
4 Likes
Hi @Wizzo a sad welcome, but a welcome none the same. It sounds like you’ve managed to carry on and try to find a way, it is a hard road to walk, especially alone. I’ve found posting on here a very beneficial activity, it’s helped me to get things out. I know what you mean about friends, I knew my wife would pass and during the months of her illness I thought I knew who I could rely on and for what kind of support. Turned out I was wrong in the majority of my assumptions. Some I knew would be there, weren’t, aren’t. Some whom I thought would offer practical support have been best for emotional. Some have disappeared, some have come from nowhere. Like the people on here, bunch of strangers, all coming together and trying to help other strangers, and all because of our loss and a need to place our love somewhere. It’s odd to realise that sometimes there are moments of beauty in this shit show. Keeps me going, hope it can do the same for you.
1 Like
Courtshaun
So very sorry for your loss
Know the feeling lost my husband 10 months ago,
I feel the same cannot think straight,and I hate the 1st of everything without my husband Got our wedding anniversary next month,and really dreading that ,
I do walk a lot and try to meet a friend once a week,
But some days the stress and anxiety can be overwhelming,
Everyone on here is so supportive and understanding
Take care Big hugs
Sue
1 Like
Devastated, after spending 18 months looking after my beautiful wife Jenny with ovarian cancers she passed away a month ago, I’m completely heartbroken and so alone, she was my number one go to sole mate, it’s a devastating condition which takes your life away, lost over half her body weight, helped her with everything right up till the hospice took over with only two weeks left of her life. Couldn’t believe her time was close, thought there was some hope, but, not to be. Coming to terms is very difficult, I’m in tears daily. Stayed by her side day and night talking telling stories to comfort her saying prayers and memories of our life together which was over 50 years, she was beautiful, selfless, considerate, compassionate, loving wife, mother, grandmother. Oh I’m so broken … don’t know how long it’s going to take to recover if at all…
2 Likes
So sorry. My sister in law currently has terminal ovarian cancer. The chemo has been keeping her feeling well so far but that is coming to an end. My brother is about to go through your hell. As to how long it takes to recover. You will see from this site you don’t. You just find a new reality and live through it and it takes a varying amount of time to reach that new reality. Until then survive. I day at a time. Cry and scream when you need to.non awards for stoicism.
Hugs. Xx. Sandra
2 Likes
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words, I’m trying to deal with the loss by going back to my hobbies, which I left because of Jenny needed my devotion which I gave her full time, but drained my self in the process, but, would do it all again if I had to, soo slowly recovering by visiting family friends and hobbies, but so alone. I find my self talking to her all over my house, telling her what I’m doing carrying on with household chores. Things need to be done. In time im hopefully going to regain some sort of happiness and start to travel away for a well earned break… 
2 Likes
I am with you on all that, I do the same.
Like you, I miss my lady so very much, the loneliness is unbearable and the silence is deafening, and I have nothing to plan any more, it seems so hopeless just now.
Time heals? Gosh, this will take an eternity!!!
1 Like
Pgw69
So very sorry for your loss take care,
Lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac arrest,
I keeping thinking it’s a bad nightmare ,
The 1st of everything is so difficult without our loved ones,
Everyone is so supportive on this forum,
Look after yourself
Sue
3 Likes