My sons dad committed suicide 2 years ago. We weren’t together at the time. We hadn’t been for 10 years and I’d had a different relationship in between, but that ended as I still let the kids see their dad.
People always ask, how are you this hurt? Why does it hurt if you weren’t together?
Hes struggled SO badly with drugs and i couldn’t be with him because of it all. But I still spent everyday making sure was OK and fed well. I phoned hospitals when no one else would and I done my absolute best to try and stop him because he had made threats to commit.
I myself have attempted more times than I can count and on every single occasion, he was ther. He phoned ambulances he came to hospital he answered all the important questions while I was unconscious. And always stayed with me until I woke feeling better. Even if that meant a small chair in the A&E he’d would not leave my side.
I feel like I’ve let him down so much by not being able to stop him. I literally owed him that. But he gave us zero warning. He was fine. He went home fine and what appeareded to be happy. And I just never heard from him again he left the earth the next day.
Iv no one to talk to that understands.
My own mother passed away a year later and im also feeling so guilty because feel like im grieving him more than her.