Why?? Why?? l can’t get my head around this incessant need to cry. EVERY bloody day for 6 months. WHY?? It doesn’t change anything, he’s not going to come back. this is my life without him, so why the need to cry?? l want to understand. if l knew maybe l could move along, but l dont know, so the question will always stand, WHY???
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@Lotswife
Hi, I know the feeling but only at 2 months in. Back at work and ended up crying today when my boss rang. Luckily she is kind and very understanding but I just can’t rely on my emotions they just hijack me. I’m not normally a cryer but not a day goes by now when I don’t cry. Like you, I try to face the facts but it still seems totally unreal and unfair. I hate it. I even begin to dread the good days because they trick me into thinking things are getting better but the next day I’m back to square one. I wish I knew the answer but there isn’t one.
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I will be two and a half years from the terrible loss of my husband in a few days and it’s only since the two year mark that I stopped Crying everyday. Now I just occasionally shed a tear which usually only lasts briefly. I hope others don’t always cry as much but sometimes it can’t be helped.
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I think you have to go with it and just give in. I cry daily, some tears stop as quick as they start, others cripple me and I I have to pull over if I’m in the car, pop to the loo if at work, at home just let them flow as they need.
I was in a good run of no tears but have stepped back abit.
Today to help me out of it I focused on what I got out of my relationship with my partner and how my life was better for what he gave me, what I gave him and what we enjoyed and did for each other. He changed my life and I changed his but was nice to think of the nice bits rather than the negatives.
Sometimes I focus too much on the things I can’t control or change and 8 need to let them go!
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Try not to be hard on yourself flower, The harder we love the harder we cry they say. I cry and cry. Sending love to you. I am so so sorry for your loss X X
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@Lotswife I remember reading this - “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving.
My tears are always just under the surface, anything can just set them off. I feel like I am on the verge of crying all the time, then the dam bursts and I weep, I feel a little better, and the whole process starts again. Its 4 months for me, so I just have to go with it, plays havoc with the mascara! Sending hugs xx
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@Christine4 l cry so badly l must have loved my hubby more than l thought. l know l miss that man terribly.
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@sandi . [quote=“sandi, post:6, topic:66855”]
My tears are always just under the surface, anything can just set them off. I feel like I am on the verge of crying all the time, then the dam bursts and I weep, I feel a little better, and the whole process starts again.[/quote]
This is me to a tee. lm just exhausted by it all.
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I am crying every day still, three and a half months since he died. Today is his birthday. I never dreamt he would not see this birthday. I’ve bought him a card. Haven’t written on it yet though. I feel paralysed a lot of the time. I have cancelled the plans we made after he died to go out to celebrate it. What’s to celebrate? Still got family coming round though, which will be an ordeal. Some days you just really want to be on your own.
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@AngelinaH . Dont wish to be on your own too much. lm disabled & housebound, just me and the 4 walls 24/7. What l would give for someone to care enough to visit.
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Hi Lotswife
Not being much of a cryer I was also surprised at the many times I broke down and like Carol I was probably at the two year stage before I noticed a difference. This is not to say I wasn’t keeping busy and learning to live again. So I decided to treat my tears as a tribute to a great husband and sometimes I wonder if it’s him giving me a reminder that I am not to forget him. Gradually the tears become less intense and tiring and can start and finish in a moment. I think of crying as a release valve and how many of us notice that we feel a bit less tense afterwards.
xx
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I feel this way too - before my girl died I hadnt cried in months, and only ever really got teary eyed at really sad movies, never have been much of a crier but 9 weeks today since shes been gone and there isnt one day I haven’t cried. Some days its inconsolable sobbing some days its a wee tear at a happy memory, some days I think i’ve made it through the day then night time loneliness kicks in and im cryin again. Ive been told its all normal, and im sure everyone is different, how long they cry for, how long it takes them to stop - but dont be so hard on yourself for crying or feeling like you need to x
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I can so relate to this, my husband died 7 weeks ago this Friday coming and my tears are always waiting to burst forth, life just feels pointless to me now. Big hugs to you.
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I watched a video last night on you tube about grief and this psychologist said that its good to cry … it takes away the stress from your body ! As awful as it is i dunno about you but once ive cried i feel lighter … still sad but lighter somehow xx im the same - 5 months for me and im still crying xxx
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Thats a very lovely quote 
definately “unspeakable love” so true … xx
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Yep … "the greater the love - the greater the loss " 
xxx
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So very true 
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I wish I could cry more. They just won’t come. I’m sure I would get some relief from terrible anxiety if I could
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@Magpie11
I’m the same.
I hadn’t seen this conversation.
But have just created a new conversation about fact that I can’t cry. I wish I could.
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