Is it just me that finds everything such a struggle when your on your own. Everything seems to go wrong I can’t get my sick note for uc cause docs off sick and uc want it now or my money stops. Today I’m got a puncture in car and can’t sort it till tomorrow by which time it will be flat I’m got a tyre inflator that was my hubby’s but don’t know where he put charger for it been looking in shed all night I just feel so useless and like it’s to much to cope with. I’m lying in bed thinking what else is going to go wrong next and do I really want to carry on. On top of this I’m missing my hubby so much 
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Hello Misprint.
I think it’s the age-old “a problem shared is a problem halved” scenario. Although I lost my Husband 5years ago I lost my Mum just under a month ago and as we lived in same house it’s a similar situation. Feels like the end result isn’t worth the effort.
KInd wishes to you.
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No it’s not just you, it seems to be just 1 thing after another, outside light stopped working, kitchen tap started leaking, venetian blind broke, car failed it’s mot, bike decided to leak & pour a full tank of petrol on the garage floor, latest thing the front doors on the car won’t open so have to go in the back & climb through! All things our husbands would have sorted out but now all down to us to try & sort out on our own & all the people who told us if you need anything at all just ask have long since disappeared back into the woodwork.
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It happens to all of us,one thing after another,we could cope with these things when our loved ones were with us but when you are alone they become major problems.You certainly find out who are your real friends now. Without my 2 closest friends I would not have made it to today.Living alone is a real challenge,it tests your mental strength every day.Yes and now we are going to have to face all these price rises which will eat into our pensions no end.Eating or heating they tell us.Well give us more in our pensions. Michael x
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Well I done well today I managed to pump up tyre get it to a garage and sort out my sick note I felt quite proud of my self I know it may sound not a big deal to some people but I never had to do this sort of thing Jim would do these jobs. Jim would have been proud of me but I still can’t find the charger for tyre pump so had to buy a new one maybe one day I will find where Jim put it . I went up cemetery and told him what I did. Its a learning curve for me.
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When all these things happened before they were stressful, annoying & maybe even costly but I couldn’t say they were struggles. Now I can.
Since we’ve lost our other halves, these happenings become just totally overwhelming.
I’ve had leaks, cornice falling off twice, a hole in the bath, a leak in the car, garage door stuck open (with 6 motorbikes/tools equipment at risk, boy that was just the worst), mice in house, garden swing topple over, car battery flat, car electrics fused, water in car boot to label just a few of my meltdowns.
Some things fixed, other things ignored until a better day comes, if/when it does.
All the folk that said “anything you need, just ask…” manifest as just vague memories & occasional texts now.
That is how difficult different and heartbreaking life is now, my husband was there for everyone at the drop of a hat, for free, just being a good guy.
I will never adjust to this half life.
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So true Maigret everyone said at the start to just call if I need help . I asked for help to get hose reel off wall before frosts no one come so I had to struggle on my own . Puncture in car I had to sort myself . No help at all but if they needed help Jim was always there ummm
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It is true that every little mishap seems momentous now, since my husband died in August all manor of things have gone wrong in the house. Some I have managed to sort but others, well some I just can’t be bothered. On Sunday I went to draw a curtain and the whole curtain rod came out of the wall, I put in the corner and there it will stay. At the weekend I have to dismantle my sons bed and put together a new one as he has broke his. There is no one to help me but the kids so he may be sleeping on the floor! Most of the time I just don’t want to deal with things that my husband could and would, I have no will to even care. But I know I must try, for the children’s sake, but I find I have to wait for the right moment.
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I started to sort my back room out the other day. It was a tip with cushions pushed in cupboards and top of wardrobes full of all sorts. Then I came across our old photo albums and all I did was sit crying for 2 hours with the rest of the stuff in a heap on the floor. My husband was a wizard at tidying stuff and it would all have been done in no time.
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It’s not just you, living on your own is so hard. Not only coping with losing the one you love every day that you wake up, but getting through the day. So for things to go wrong on top of that it’s overwhelming. Even small things, dealing with these stressful Covid times on your own, no one to support you & share problems with. It’s not the big things I miss most it’s the everyday living, sometimes needing him to nag at or moan to, you have to face the stresses alone. I am lucky to have our closest friends living round the corner. I would not have survived without them. Our children have been wonderfully supportive but they’ve their own grief to contend with & busy lives to lead.
Sending love & strength xx
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I’m on UC too and I’m physically and mentally drained with depression and grief of course since partner died 9 months ago. I was her carer on Carers Allowance but she was my carer in all but name and my greatest support in life. I know I’ll never be that close to another woman as I’m not very attractive and now poor due to being on benefits. I go on coz suicide is too scary to contemplate, it’s that brutal and blunt a truth.
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It’s so hard Hugh to even think about carrying on with out our loved ones by our side let alone having to deal with all the problems that seem to arise everyday didn’t happen when jim was here. I’m physically and mentally exhausted and it’s going to be a struggle to get out of bed today.
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The weekends are the worst for me,I seem to have too many thoughts for my lovely Judith whom I miss so very much.Already had a cry for her this morning .Life without her is horrendous,I have thought about ending it but as you say very scary to contemplate but would end this living hell.I watched her suffer for many weeks in hospital and it has scarred me for life,I can still hear her screams and see the pain in her face.Life is a bitch. Michael x
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Hi Michael
I too feel the loss most at weekends as that was the time we spent most together, we liked the same things, had the same hobbies so did everything together. I had a really bad wobble on New Years Eve & I really had to dig deep. I’ve had many moments of feeling I don’t want to be here anymore & then I think of Derek & I know how much that would hurt him. Me & Our girls were his world & I couldn’t put them through that.
So this year 2 years on I read a quote “last year I survived, this year I want to live” I am going to try & live this year, easier said than done I know but I’ve got to try. My Derek is part of me, he shaped me & he is my strength to carry on. I love him deeply & I feel him with me everyday.
First I need to fight the battle with my own mind & the trauma of his death because that is still very raw & lots of “if only’s”. Torturing myself won’t bring him back but these are the thoughts that are always there.
Take care & keep writing x
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Just read your post,very moving,must have been hard to write that. Michael x
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Yes, things are so difficult on your own. My hubby died nearly 18 months ago now. It’s a struggle doing everything yourself especially the heavy things and small DIY jobs. I have recently been poorly too and to not have him here taking care of me, just making a hot drink, the little things, has been awful. It really brings it home to you, you’re on your own now girl! A lot of the rooms need redecorating as we couldn’t do much as hubby was ill with Parkinson’s but although I’m quite happy to decorate (have already done the hall) I cannot lift any heavy furniture and it would cost so much to pay someone to do it, plus the extra expense of putting dogs with minder, as they bark too much. I just don’t know what to do. I miss having him here to make decisions together and even making small decisions sends me into an anxiety state! I live in a village and don’t drive and still have not got a taxi into town since he died, I feel anxious doing it, partly because it bring back so many memories.
I just don’t know what I would have done without my two dogs, they really do keep me going.
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Life is very difficult when your used to doing things together. Having to make all the decisions is new to me. Jim would have done the jobs i can’t do now they don’t get done I can’t afford to pay someone to do things . I struggled to get the garden hose reel off the wall and ended up dropping it. My dogs too bark a lot at people but I would be lost without them.
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Life is certainly difficult. My main concern is lack of money.I never dealt with our finances, Peter did it all. I have more money going out than coming in. Ive cut back on non essentials but it doesn’t stop me lying awake at night worrying how I will pay the next bill My phone pings first thing in the morning from the bank to say I am overdrawn again. I have applied for pension credit but because we took out Equity Release on our house I am not entitled to help. The only solution is to sell the house but the thought breaks my heart as it is full of happy memories . Also I am not strong enough to cope with all that involves.
Sorry for the moan but I don’t know which way to turn.
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Your not moaning it’s grieve barb it’s dealing with everything it’s draining lv annie sending you a hug x x
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Dear @Barb26
Please take professional advice regarding your options on paying bills & keeping your home. It’s bad enough to be bereaved without the threat of leaving the home you had together.
Have you tried the citizens advice bureau or local council moneymatters help?
You do need help with a plan I think. Wish I could help you more than just above suggestions