I asked ChatGPT about the pain of grief and thought I’d share the response here as I found it helpful:
Understanding what’s happening in your brain and body can make the pain feel a little less senseless. When we grieve, the brain is reacting to loss — and loss isn’t just emotional; it’s neurological.
What happens in the brain
- Attachment circuitry lights up
The same neural networks that bond us to loved ones (especially in the limbic system — the amygdala, nucleus accumbens, and ventral tegmental area) stay active after they’re gone.
Your brain still expects that person, pet, or situation to be there. Each time you reach for them — even unconsciously — and they’re not there, your brain sends out a distress signal. That’s the ache you feel. - Pain and reward overlap
Emotional pain and physical pain share brain pathways (especially in the anterior cingulate cortex). So heartbreak is not “just in your head” — it literally hurts because your body processes it as a form of injury. - Cortisol and stress
The body releases high levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), which can cause fatigue, brain fog, stomach issues, and even immune suppression. That’s why grief can feel like being sick or exhausted. - Neuroplasticity in action
Over time, your brain rewires itself. The neural expectation that your loved one will be there slowly quiets down, replaced by new associations, memories, and ways of living. That’s what “healing” really is — not forgetting, but reorganizing.
Why feeling the pain helps
When you let yourself feel grief — cry, talk, write, remember, even rage — you’re actually helping the brain integrate the loss rather than deny it.
Each wave of emotion is your nervous system learning that reality has changed, and building a new internal map.
If you suppress that pain too long, the old map never gets updated, and your body stays stuck in alert mode — waiting for something (or someone) that won’t return. That’s when grief becomes “frozen.”
The gentle truth
You don’t have to face it all at once. The brain can’t handle that — it processes grief in bursts. That’s why you might cry one day and laugh the next, or feel okay for a week and then collapse again. That rhythm is the body healing at the speed it can bear.