My wonderful mum passed away last Thursday. She was only 73… I feel lost one minute but also that’s nothing has changed as if it’s not really happened.
Mum was well up until exactly 4 weeks before she died. She went into a&e feeling “dizzy” and “not right” with high sugar levels. The hospital did all different tests and eventually said she had cancer of the colon which had spread to the liver and lungs but because they couldn’t get to the bowel we will never know for sure.
We all thought that she would come home at least for a while but the Saturday before she died she was saying strange things, she was confused and then on the Monday we were told that the doctors couldn’t do anymore and her kidneys were failing and just made her comfortable.
We spent day and night in the hospital sitting with mum until she died.
I feel guilty for agreeing to just make her comfortable maybe if they tried something else she would still be with us.
I just can’t believe someone was well and then just like that they are dead. I just can’t seem to process it.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Firstly, I am so so sorry for your loss, but please know you are not the only one feeling this way, I too cannot believe what has happened and I keep tricking myself that this is all a horrible dream. I lost my dad on Wednesday, he was 70. The day before he died we returned from a dad/daughter holiday in Florida where we were loving life, riding all the rides and feeling so care free. His heart attack was completely unexpected and I will be forever sad that he was taken so soon.
Without knowing you, I can feel in your writing that you truly loved your mum and did what you felt was right for her, so try not to feel guilty about the ‘what ifs’.
Feeling like it’s all a dream means you might be feeling like really, she is still with you. I feel the same about my dad, I keep feeling like he’ll call any minute. But what’s the harm in that? If anything, I quite like that my brain is tricking me to imagine he’s not that far away.