From the moment I wake up, every little thing seems hard, don’t know why I feel so stressed all the time… I have this anger inside of me which I try to cover with comedy… but the smallest things become difficult …I’m tired of masking over problems, everything turns into an argument everything seems so hard. Life is difficult for no reason at all.
Sometimes I think it may be just me, i feel alone and I am surrounded… Is this grief or just anxiety
I thought by typing it out it would make sense… but it don’t… my head hurts my heart is heavy the pieces I’ve lost will always be lost.
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I don’t think it’s just you, @Gary1982 - grief is really hard work. I’m giving your thread a gentle bump, I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts.
Hi Gary, you didn’t mention how long youve been alone. Your feelings sound quite normal, weve all been there. Is it grief or anxiety? Yes, both. Feeling alone whilst being surrounded? Still is for me, but it’s easing slowly. Is it ok to feel angry? Yes it is, I thought it was compulsory! Is life difficult? Yes it is, our lives have changed a HUGE amount. There were difficulties before, and now they are far worse.
But the good news is that there is no reason to think it’s permanent. I began to see the way forward after about 8 months, although you can start trying to start your journey whenever you feel strong enough, lots of small steps in the right direction. Now after 3 years, my life has been rebuilt I’m pretty happy again, it does have sad moments as I never forget my wife.
You might find some therapy worthwhile to help you through these bad times. Im sure there are references to some counselling on this site, but a chat with your GP will throw up some options.
Please don’t despair, there is an end to it.
Hi Gary, im still slightly new to this
I completely understand how your feeling i feel the exact same even though i am surrounded by friends and family I have never felt so alone. Every tasks feels like it takes me a lifetime to do, when im at work im just me laughing and joking keeping busy smiling but today is my day off and my partner is at work stressing with my 19 year old son who seems to think i owe him the world right now. I lost my dad in April and even now i am still sorting through his paperwork every other day theres something and today i just have sat here and cried then come on here to type something anything to make me feel better. Sorry for rambling i feel like thats all i do on here but i sometimes just want to shout out to everyone and say its ok to not be ok and right now im not ok and i want to rant to people who feel the pain like i do. I get all the ones who say it gets better with time but I can never feel like its going to get any easier more than anything i feel each day is harder.
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Dear Gary ,
You are not alone , I lost my daughter last Feb under suspicious circumstances .
We are still the dark regarding her death ,she may have been murdered , we just do not know. .
I feel angry all the time ! I have arguments with strangers I feel lost and alone.
You are NOT alone!
Thinking of you ! Julie wo .
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Yeah it’s 2.37 a.m and I’ve just woke up from another bad dream… Everything important that I try Todo just becomes complicated or I complete something and then realise I have done something wrong…and have to do it again even tho I found it hard the first time, simple things like booking driving lessons… I went through the calender to see what shifts I was on booked like 20 lessons and then a week later, my other half pointed out I’ve got my shift pattern wrong so had to cancel them all and rebook …
Have had a headache for like 3 weeks now also, this week I had reach truck training at work… I used to pick things up pretty quickly , I started off badly but by day 3 I was ok and doing what needed at just at the end of the day I totally messed it up… He gave me a chance to do the test on day 4 if I get my practise ok but for some reason I totally messed that up also… So am mega dwelling on that as the company have paid out alot of money for me Todo so , everyone has been really good but can’t stop beating myself up… Arghh i totally understand rambling as that all I seem Todo about everything, my kids are all being great well as great as they can be for kids,I just feel it’s me giving them negativity all the time , my daughter’s are just well 16 and 15 so they are complicated anyway . I’m sorry you are feeling the same, I blame it on everything but then I have had alot of grief so maybe that’s it, I just don’t know… I’ve always been an other thinker which stresses me, maybe it just me as I get older… I struggle to cry I just get angry and take it out on others.
I couldn’t even imagine losing one of my children. . just the idea cripples me, hope I’m ok to say that … I had a an old school friend found in suspicious circumstances just last year and the not knowing is the hardest bit about that, I really hope you get your answers soon, I mean you know what ever version of events happend is going to be painfully bad, but the knowing will help out some pieces together hopefully,
In this last few years I’ve been surrounded by death … But this must be the hardest version of grief… The hardest part of my story is the day I had to tell my then 11 year old she hasn’t got a mummy anymore… I can’t even put into words how you must feel so no wonder you are here seeking some words of your own, but just by you being here you are doing everything you can to be ok and going forward if ok is all you can ever manage then that in its self is all you can ever hope for.x
I learn to live with one thing and then I have another to try and learn… my story goes like this,
2019 my dad dies after a 5 year battle with leukemia
2019 my farther inlaw I find him 2 weeks after he passes in pretty grim conditions.
also lose a good friend of mine about a month later
2020 nearly a year to the day my daughter’s mother dies suddenly and I have to tell her she hasn’t got a mummy anmore.
2022 my cousin’s husband commits suicide.
And my closet ain’t dies.
2024 my mother is taken into a hospice for end of life, on the Saturday my 98 year old nan dies which hurts but she’s 98 so ok , I leave her bed side to go be with mum and on the Monday mum dies.
2025 one of my childhood school friends is found in suspicious circumstances.
First time I’ve ever wrote anything like this down…
9 people who I loved gone in 6 years … That’s not normal is it., some of thes you can except I suppose but others just too soon…
I can understand how you feel of a night time. I just don’t wanna sleep scared of waking up to thinking that I can see her next to me, but she’s not there.
@Gary1982
That is too much for anyone to bear.
I thought it was bad for me losing four people in the last ten years and having to care for two of them and then losing my partner 6 months to the date today. It’s a lot.
I know how it’s affected me down the line so I really think you will need counselling before it totally gets too much.
We push things to the back of our minds but it rears its ugly head when least expecting it.
Keep posting on here I find it helps to read others stories and it can make me feel less sorry for myself realising just how much others have gone through, like you…!!!
Gary 1982 .i can relate to this as I lost my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue on 1st February 2023.i still think oh i will tell sue about it and then it hits me that I can’t.what i do is stop and ask myself what sue would do .all I can say is take it one day at a time
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Dear Martyn,
Thank you for your email ,
Grief is the same for everyone . No one’s grief
Is more or less it’s the same for everyone.
My little brother died from cancer last July, it was awful then ,as, you know I lost my precious girl last Feb .
Life is hard ,no one knows just how it feels
Unless they have lost someone close .
I get angry with people all the time , I’m a kind gentle woman so this is alien to me .
I wish I knew the cause of my daughter’s death.
We did have a post mortem ,and ,was given a cause ,now some new evidence has come up
Just what no one will tell me her NOK!
They now say she maybe dead due to domestic homicide they sent this information in an email two weeks a go !
It’s so hard for us all ,we just as they say “ get on with it ‘ easier said than done !
I wish you well take care Julie wo x
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Aaw no sorry to hear this Julie
After I lost my husband James the one overwhelming feeling I had apart from despair gutting grief was anger.
I was such an angry person having to deal with all the horrible death admin on my own, registering his death …having to deal with horrible unsympathetic officials…it was a total nightmare. I was angry that he’d got such a dreadful illness that killed him when he was looking forward to a long retirement.
Looking back now that I’m in a better frame of mind, I think it’s OK to feel anger at what’s happened, it’s a normal reaction to losing a loved one, let it run it’s course.
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