Why is everything so SO HARD

Why is everything so bloody hard.
Not only do you have all family issues to deal with alone
You have all maintenance on the house to deal with
You have to deal with moving on even the smallest of steps
EVERYTHING is solo .
I have three friends who are also widows but distance prevents us from face to face support on a regular basis .
Friends I have local are all still with husbands and partners so I don’t want to burden them , even though at the beginning of this journey they said I am here for you whenever, and Iv not seen or heard from them again.
You feel as if becoming a widow is contagious and they are keeping away .
Oh well I suppose I have to keep on going


I understand how you feel Kazzer. Friends say you know where I am if you need me. What does that mean. It’s an empty gesture. Knowing what we have gone through they should be seeing how we are coping. As soon as the funeral was over I have had no contact from my husbands family and it has been almost twelve months. Not even texts. It’s as if I never existed. I’m obvs not part of the family anymore as the connection has gone. It’s not a good way to be. Maybe I’m being over sensitive x


You are right @Kazzer everything you mention is so bloody hard and I think we are all experiencing the distancing of some so called friends. I have family and a few friends who keep in touch and ring me but some I haven’t heard from since the funeral. I sometimes think I should reach out and contact people but like you @nel I think surely they should contact me. It’s so easy these days and it makes such a difference when you just get a text asking how you are. If you are being over sensitive then I am too, I don’t think so though.
Love to you both xx


you are not being overly sensitive these things in life hurt. after my mother died, from another country, my close relationship with my family there, died out.

very, very painful. harder still when you think of the effort you put into those things … but I am sure I am guilty of a lot of junk too, in life.

such is life … best if you can to move on. I did from them. took time but dwelling on it chewed up more time.


I totally agree with you, it’s so very hard. Having to deal with the house, garden, finances etc on our own. I need to do some comparisons for the house insurance as it’s gone up from £251 to £387 but keep putting it off.
Friends and family are noticeable by their absence although they said they would be there for me. My brother in law and nephew haven’t called or messaged me once and it’s been nearly a year.
Weekends are the worst and this weekend I’m feeling really down and lonely. It’s nearly a year since I lost Clive and it feels like yesterday. Sending love to you xx


a year?

my god … people have become deplorable in their manners and comportment.

it is the obligation of those who are no bereaved to reach out and comfort the bereaved. it is NOT the other way around.


I know, I’ve seen them at family gatherings but neither have popped in, called or offered any help. They only live 20 minutes away.

Mandy everything becomes hard I have sister lives 10mins away never seen her in a year but she does phone but not the same as face to face after jones funeral had nieces and nephews saying they would be there for me never happened I have 2 wonderful children I see once a week they both work full time and phone everyday take care lv annie x x

Hi Nel, you are not being over sensitive. My partner passed away unexpectedly almost 4 1/2 months ago. His parents had contact with me and I was going round to see them up until the funeral and then they just didn’t seem to want to know. They didn’t even speak to me at the funeral. I have no family (some good friends though) and they know this which makes it so hard to understand why they wouldn’t want to help me. I was with my partner for 21 years so have known them the same time. I know it is really hard for them as he was their only son but it was me that spent everyday with him and we loved each other very much. It’s hard to accept that the two people who should be helping are not there. It may not be the case but it almost feels like they blame me for his death but it was no ones fault, it was a sudden medical condition where he had a blood clot in his archery and caused his heart to stop, he was out cycling at the time. I am completely broken.