Why is it getting worse?

It’s 9 weeks today since I lost the love of my life and the days and sleepless nights are getting worse. The crying is non stop. I’m trying to re-live the years we spent together and think of the happy days and all the fun things we did, but they are just sad memories. I still can’t take it in that he’s gone and I’m never going to see him again. He’s on my mind 24 hours a day. When is this heartache going to end? I’m feeling a wreck and hating this life.

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Hello @sad2. So sorry for your loss. 9 weeks is a very short time and you are probably still in shock and disbelief. It is very normal to feel like this and we all go through the same feelings. A new book you may find comforting is Widowed Walk by Gary Roe. You will see yourself on every page. You can get a sample on Kindle.
I hope this helps…
love and light. x

Hello Sad2, I’m so sorry… it hurts so much and its just horrible. I don’t know how I got through those early days (5 months for me now). Those days are getting less for me which I couldn’t have imagined when at 9 weeks. Take it easy and look after yourself. This is a massive unbearable trauma you are going through so don’t dwell on the future. Just survive each dayfor now… try to eat, try to rest, drink plenty of water/warm drinks… et fresh air if you can… I hope the very hard feelings will get less frequent in time… take care.

Dear Jean2 and FleurDeLis. Thank you both for you kind words.
I just can’t seem to get through yet another day without him. Cry myself to sleep, wake up crying and now I’m just walking about the house still crying and thinking about the dreaded phone call I got today 9 weeks ago. He’s in my every thought and I can’t shut these horrible days out that I’ve had to live without him. It’s just getting worse. I try to console myself in thinking we are all suffering on here and I’m not on my own, we are all in pain for which I am so sorry for.
How I HATE this Covid and what it’s done.

Joan xx

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Dear @sad2, my heart goes out to you. Im further along, 10 months today my beloved husband left this world, i was lucky to have had him with me for 38 years. He battled pancreatic cancer, I still have good and bad days, yes i will never stop loving him and yes there is a light at thee end of the tunnel… Its early days for you and are at the beginning of your journey, take it hour to hour, cry, scream and shout, every time you shed tears be reminded that you are healing. It will ease eventually unfortunately you cant go around grief but you have to go through it. The pain is terrible i know. Take care, virtual hug, Margarita

Dear Margarita1.
Sorry for the loss of your dear husband, 10 months is still such a short time to try and come to terms with your loss. I do feel for you.
I didn’t think my days could get any worse, but they are. Today has been a whole day of crying on and off, looking at the clock and thinking back to the hour that I got the unexpected heart breaking phone call, and I still can’t take it in.
My daughter keeps phoning to ask if I am ok, We have a few words and I try to sound strong, but I can’t hold back the tears for long, then I feel even worse because she cries. How I wish this heartache and pain would go. Time doesn’t heal anything, it just teaches us to live with the pain.
A big hug to you for you kindness. Your kind and thoughtfu words help, thank you.
Joan x

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Sad2,
I’m so so sorry you’re going through all of this.
I feel the same but I lost my mum, not my husband. I hope it’s ok to write on here.
I lived with my mum for 58 years, she was my best friend, 24hr companion and biggest supporter. She passed 26th Feb. The grief is worse now than ever and I’m so lost without her. The last 2 days have been the worst and the crying and grief is immense as it could ever be.
I’m thinking of ringing up Cruse to talk to someone but I know I’ll just cry all the way through.
Can’t see how this is going to get better.
Shame we don’t all live nearby so we can all support and meet up.
So sorry again for the pain you’re going through.
Anne

Dear Anne
I am sorry for the great loss of your dear mum. I lost my mum 15 years ago, but finally I can look at her photos and see her lovely smile and the memories are not sad any more. I talk to her everyday . I do still miss her so much, but the pain has eased. but it’ll never completely go. I hope one day it will be the same for you. x
Now I have lost the love of my life and I’m going through hell again, but it’s a different pain. He is in my every thought all day and it’s hurting so bad. What makes it even worse is the way Covid took him from me. The last memories I have of him are laying there in the hospital bed, and they haunt me.
I contacted Cruse, but didn’t find them very helpful really. The lady was full of sympathy and listened as I cried my eyes out, but I just came away with phone numbers of other organisations to contact.
I find Sue Ryder comforting in some ways, but after reading some of the posts on here I feel so sad and sometimes wonder should I keep reading and hurting myself even more. I know lots of lovely people on here are suffering more than I am, but our pain is individual.
There are some support groups on here trying to set up meetings, but not sure in what areas.
Sorry for sounding so down, especially as you have your own pain to contend with.
Stay strong and God bless.
Joan x

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Hi Joan,
Thank you for replying and for your kind words.
I do feel everything you say and I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. It’s truly horrible.
I contacted Cruse and like you I just cried all the way through it. They said because I’d lived with my mum for 58 years and because we were best friends, companions, soul mates etc…the grief would be very immense as it was also like losing a partner and daughter (as I was a carer too) as well as my mum. I cried constantly and she said it would be about 4 weeks before they contact me. I still don’t think it’s for me talking to a stranger. I’d rather talk to someone who knew us both and the close relationship we shared.
I’ve cried everyday for nearly 6 weeks but it’s getting worse. Have only ever been apart from my mum for 2 weeks all my life - and now it’s nearly 6. So the grief is getting much worse the longer it goes.
I had someone write to me today and ask me if I was feeling a little better - as if I’d had a cold or a bug. Couldn’t believe how people can write such things.
Wish I could help you in your grief - but it’s unbearable isn’t it?
Best wishes to you Joan
Anne

Dear Anne
I just wish there was something I could say to make you feel a little better and to ease the pain you are going through. The loss of a beloved mum is torture to say the least. They say time heals, but
unfortuately I found that time doesn’t heal anything, it just teaches us to live with the pain.
Don’t be afraid to cry, sometimes you need to cry your eyes out to be able to keep going.
I still cry every day too and it doesn’t take much. Today I was doing some ironing and I just thought of when I used to iron Alan’s t-shirts and that set me off.
Many people who haven’t lost someone close want to help and try to take the pain away, but they haven’t experienced grief and often say something that makes those who are grieving feel worse. I suppose they mean well, but it doesn’t help you.
I know it hurts Anne, but stay strong.
Joan x

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Sorry to hear everyone loss;
I’m new this group and kinda still new to the whole grief 11 month my dad was taken away and due to Covid I wasn’t there to say goodbye. I’ve been having conseling and it’s helps but today one of those days where I just want him there to say hi too.

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