Why is life so shit?

End of life
1

Hey guys! So I lost my grandad 2 years ago now. Still feels so fresh. I struggle a lot without him. I got married a month ago and he wasn’t there. It kills me everyday. I have a lot of guilt inside… he had covid and he was poorly. His oxygen was low and I phoned the ambulance… why did I do that? Would he still be here if I never did??? After eventually realising he’s no longer here I was happy to get married. Now my father in law had a severe stroke and I’ve been caring for him. I love him like my own dad but my mental, emotional and physical health is deteriorating I can’t take it.

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Hello @Gdhanjal

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandad and your father in law’s stroke. It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your father in law and had the same with your grandad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one or cared for loved ones and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Eleanor

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I think you may be suffering a combination of guilt, burn out in every sense, grief, and battle field trauma, my mother died in my arms gasping for breath at the end of a four year battle with dementia, I was her principle carer and ended up under a mental health nurse more used to dealing with shell shock etc, (on the scale of 1-10 I suppose what I went through is 11)it sounds like you are at the end of your tether, you did your very best for your grand father and you must not blame your self for what happened, you did not cause covid and neither did you make matters work like that stupid tossor Handcock(half cock more bloody like it, to make matters worse he lied) you must get help with your father in law, caring for my mother almost destroyed me and I almost followed her into the next life and had I not been found I would have died in my sleeping bag, also you need to see a doctor, from what you say and my own experience i think you are very close to your limit, my mother got her wish and passed away at home but I could not have done it with out the support of others and I acknowledged the fact in her eulogy, there is nothing wrong in asking for help, that is a sign of strength, it is a time for courage and a time for faith, hang in there, I know it feels like fighting Rommel at Tuebrook, they either fought until out of ammunition and were taken prisoner or to the death and you are in danger of fighting to the death, I spent the last week holding my mothers hand day and night and yes, if you have walked with a loved one through the valley of death to the very gates of heaven then you know a little bit more about life and a little bit more about death and you will be stronger for it too, and you will be able to identify with Mary at the foot of the cross who was also alone because you have been there. be brave, good luck, life throws challenges at us and we are in a battle like a war ship going into action (I have come with in half a second of killing a street thug in my time, he surrendered, but that is another story for another time) get help and take care of your self if you can before it is too late.