Why is this year so bad ?

Losing a child
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We have just passed the 4 year anniversary of the death of my daughter. She was 29 and left behind her daughter who was only 10 days away from her 10th birthday. Every year at this time is awful. I feel it starts in August and gradually builds until we get to September 20 and this feeling of dreadful longing stays with me until Christmas. This year has been so bad. I have felt completely torn The ache and emptiness is so consuming. I don’t want it to be this long. People say I should be over this by now but I cannot bear the thought , the knowing I will never see my beautiful girl again. Never hug her or laugh with her.

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Hello @Essentially-Jane,

I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share some resources which may be helpful right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

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I wouldn’t listen to people who tell you that you should be over this by now. If they haven’t lost a child of their own, then they don’t know what they are talking about. I don’t think you will find anyone who’s lost a child say they’ve got over it. It is possible to learn to live with it. That’s hard enough and a credit to you that you are trying. It’s your grief and you don’t have to follow anyone else’s timetable. There’s no rules about what or how to grieve the loss of a a child you gave birth to. You keep them in your heart forever. Cos you love them. You are still her mum and she is still your daughter. That will never change. Sending you very best wishes and I hope you keep posting on here because we ‘get it’ cos it’s happened to us and you will get support from people who are learning to live with it too. You aren’t alone xxxxxx

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It’s unbearable isn’t it. I felt every word you’ve written. People just don’t understand the depth of this kind of pain. I’ve joined this community in the hope that I can give and receive support and understanding as I just don’t get it in my day to day life.

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The pain is so raw, probably will never go away. As parents, we should protect our children, however old. I am in the first stage of this terrible grief. I have no idea how to get through this or if I want to. I would like to go and join my darling boy wherever he is. Please reach out to me if you need help xx

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I’m so so sorry, grief can be unbearable…….:sleepy:

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Essentially - Jane I really do empathise with your feelings. My daughter’s death 7 months ago has devastated our family. But when I know a special date or celebration is coming up, the dreaded feelings start to build inside me, and the heartache just keeps deepening. I have found some relief in journalling and following drawing tutorials on youtube (called zentangles) that make me concentrate on the thing I’m drawing or writing about, and not be so consumed by my sad thoughts about my darling girl. She was 34 years old with everything to live for, but was a victim of severe depression. I hope you can find ways to deal with your grief, in your own way and in your own time. Personally I don’t ever want my grief to disappear, because its how I honour my love for my daughter. But I do want to be able to somehow use it to help someone else.

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I wish I had known about this community 4 years ago when o Emily died. Thank you for all your messages. This is a terrible time My other daughters have no desire whatsoever to celebrate and this year is the first time we have felt able to come together over the days between Christmas and new year as a group.
I really feel the pain of others more sharply too. :pray:t2:

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Hi Essentially-Jane, I was just reading through my previous posts and thought I would just drop you a line to say I hope you are doing OK and your grandaughter is OK too, and remind you that you’re not alone. It is nearly 13 months for me since I lost my beautiful daughter and I continue to think about her constantly as I’m sure you think of yours constantly as well. Our love for our girls will always be there. I find solace in silly things like wearing her socks, necklace, and her fitbit and drinking from her cup. These little things somehow bring me comfort. Her favourite colour was purple so i have painted my garden fence purple and planted lots of purple flowering plants. I have begun to see how she lives on through her nieces (she didn’t have any children) as I can see little bits of her personality in different ways in my grandchildren and they talk about their aunty as though she was still with us. We are approaching the anniversary of her ‘celebration of life’ and my anxiety is beginning to build. Another day to get through somehow. Thinking of you x

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The pain is undescribable, the grief is all consuming.
All we really want is to have them back.
To hold them, love them and be there for them.
Take away their problems, illness, sadness and hurt.
We have to wait, to control our pain and hope and pray when our time comes we can be with them.
There is no cure for grief, we endure, we cry, we rail against it.
We feel hopeless, exhausted and a heavy sadness in our hearts.
We try to carry on for those still here who love us.
They try but can never understand. We are alone in this torment, it is a thing to endure that only we know how it feels

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I feel all your pain Penny11. As you have said, we just want to have our beloved children back, to be able to hold them and take away their pain and suffering. Last night I dreamt of my daughter (who passed away aged 34) when she was a little girl, and in my dream I held her on my lap, cuddling her and comforting her. It gave me such comfort to dream like that. It has been almost 14 months since my beautiful Madeline lost her battle with depression. The night she ran from me to end her life plays over and over in my mind. I know it all happened but my mind and heart struggle to accept that she is gone forever. I know she is gone, but I yearn to turn the clock back, to try again and help her get through the awful state of mind she was in that made ending her life seem better than continuing it. When her pain ended, mine began - and it goes on and on. I only hope that somehow her spirit lives on and is at peace in a way that she wasn’t at peace in this life. For all of you who have lost a child in this way - my heartfelt support to you.

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Im so sorry for your loss, how devastating for you. Nothing can ever replace a child, we put so much love
and hope into their upbringing. Life is so empty without them.

I try to get through a day at a time, even sometimes an hour at a time.

Some days are easier than others, some days are just too hard.

I hope you can find some peace xxxxx

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