Life is so unfair why take a sweet clever beautiful 13 year old lititle girl who didn’t have a bad bone in her body and heart of pure gold.and leave evil horrible people alive and living? Just can’t get my head around it ?
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What a horrible situation you find yourself in, nothing is worse than losing a child and the pain must be unbearable. I hope you have people you can talk to and who are supporting you because you need them.
You may, in time find it helpful to make a memory box for your little girl, put things that meant a lot to her and her favourite things in it and some photos, in time you will be able to open the box, look at them and remember with a smile.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
I totally agree and understand. How cruel and unfair is life. I lost my 5 year old daughter suddenly and without warning. She was clever, wise, full of life and very happy. The light of all our life’s. Why? Why? If there is a God (which I used to believe in) take away people that are doing terrible things, people that are very old and have had enough of life. I wish I had the answers. Thinking of you very much. Lots of love xxx
There is no “right” in this. I would have gone in my daughter’s place without a second’s thought but instead we lost a loving, hardworking, intelligent young woman who really was making a contribution in the world. It sounds like every mother’s prejudice but it’s true of her.
The random indifference that nature displays breaks hearts every day. I thank those who say they pray for us, when what I’m really thinking can’t be written on here. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite but if the floodgates once open, I’m afraid of what I’ll say. They mean well…
I’ve been told that suffering “allows us to grow”. I don’t want to grow at the expense of my daughter’s life and don’t know anyone who would. It’s an insulting platitude uttered by those who have no idea what they’re talking about. All I can say is that I hope for their children’s sakes that they never find out the cruelty of their belief.
Hi Jeannie. So suffering helps us to grow??? Hmmmm!!! Well I am sure I would rather remain stunted.! Yes, some of these platitudes do sound pretty stupid. But I do ask myself what I used to say. They think they are helping but the old saying comes to mind. ‘The path to hell is paved with good intentions’. The person who wrote that must have been in this awful situation. But we have to forgive them. It’s not that they don’t want to help, it’s that they don’t know how to. There is no substitute for personal experience. That’s why sites like this are so important. We all know and CARE. That’s so very helpful, to know someone cares even though they may be a long way off. Love and blessings travel well, and I feel so does prayer. To many prayer has little meaning, but to some it reminds us we are not alone or though it may be so physically. The answers to ‘why me’ and ‘why was my child taken’ can have no immediate response from anyone. We don’t know, but may eventually find out. It is hard to believe in anything good when that happens. But even old people still want to live. As we get older and, hopefully wiser, we do appreciate that nothing will always go to plan. We may make provision for the future, and that is sensible, but none of us knows what will happen tomorrow. ‘One day at a time Lord, one day at a time’. Yes, we do mean well, all of us on here. I don’t think you need worry about saying anything about how you feel. It’s so important to unload. Well meaning people would not regard what they say as cruel, but they are doing what I call ‘jollying you along’. It doesn’t help but they don’t l know that. They have no experience of grief or they would not talk in that way. I find sitting with a close friend in silence even helps a lot. Just to have someone there. Why do we have to talk so much?
Take care and although you may not want it, I do send my love and prayers. Bless you!
Blessings and may you
Hi Jonathon,
Thanks for your thoughts.
I don’t have any vestige of faith in any kind of higher power. It seems to me that much of what passes for religious conviction is just a panacea for our being unable to accept that the universe is an indifferent place where random horrors happen that we’re unable to control. That’s not to say that I think we’re completely helpless but our efforts are severely curtailed by the immensity of the universe where we find ourselves. Man has made God in his own image and as a consequence, Heaven’s a place I don’t want to qualify for. If faith enables some to hold back the dark, I would never deny it to the believers but I can’t feel it myself. Helen was a scientist to the core (not my doing) and she found it to be enough. That’s not to say she was cold or unemotional, far from it, she just saw no necessity for religious belief. She was kind, and also artistically talented, in spite of the general idea that scientists can’t be artists.
I described the universe as indifferent, earlier. It isn’t really, indifference implies some degree of awareness and the universe isn’t aware, and what we perceive as cruel is only the random consequence of the working of the celestial machinery.
Sorry, this is turning into a bit of a rant.
In spite of what I said previously, I don’t despise the support of someone who has suffered great loss without losing their faith. My dislike is reserved for those who offer their thoughts as a kind of sticking plaster for something I hope they will never suffer. I wouldn’t wish my current feelings on my worst enemy.
Helen was the best thing that ever happened to us. Her death is the worst. I’ll never accept that there’s some good reason why she was lost to us.
Nevertheless, I do thank you for your kindness in sharing your thoughts and allowing me the space to express myself.
J xx
Thank you everyone for your comments and replies it lovely knowing im not the only one feeling like this it nearly six months now since she past and although I still cant fully understand why she was taken I have somehow learnt to live with it. Life does go on but time ain’t no healer and the days dont get easier if fact id say the days are darker and harder .
Hi. Jeannie. Thank you so much for your message. It’s open and frank. When my wife died, with dementia among other things, I lost faith. Not just in a Deity but in mankind and everything. She was kind and never did anyone any harm. So why? I have asked myself this question over and over, but I doubt there is an explanation.
I feel that science is like a religion, in fact is a religion. The religious are so sure they know the answers and the scientist, with his blackboard full of equations, also has answers. But it’s like the ‘Big Bang’ theory. This big cloud of gas exploding and creating the universe. Many believe it, but absolutely no one, no scientist can ever tell me where the gas came from in the beginning.
I believe it’s more a question of intuitive awareness. We either feel it or we don’t. I agree that much so called religion can be a panacea for the awful feelings we may have. But we live in the world of opposites, which even science has to accept. Every coin has a reverse side. But all of them can change into its opposite. Joy can become fear. Light dark and so on. Cause and effect. A basic law of physics.
We all know the cause of our suffering, and goodness knows we know the effect.
But for me the real lesson I have learned is that there is still so much kindness and love out there. I must admit to being surprised at that because I suppose I am cynical. But the help I have had has surprised me, as has the fact that I now know who my friends are! My faith in human nature has been restored. But from where does the love, empathy and understanding come? From people! Or should I say through people. There is no other source. The feeling I have that we will all meet again somewhere can’t be described because it’s a kind of intuitive awareness. OK, so it gives me some comfort, but more than that. Bad things happen to good people, but also to bad ones. That’s why I feel acceptance can help so much. Grieving is a process of acceptance. Accepting that it has happened and facing the fact. Accepting we will feel bad for some time. Accepting that the world does not owe us anything, and that ultimately we will be alone for a time.
Anyway, good to talk to you. I sincerely hope you travel this journey in as much peace as possible.