Why now......

I’m 7 months in and when Rob first passed well a month after I researched what to do with his belongings ie clothes . He was a Buddhist so I wanted to get things right for him and it was recommended that such things like clothes go to help others so they all went to a charitable cause . I have three more bags of clothes to go but for some reason these are the hardest to take I just can’t do it, it’s not like these are the only things left , I have started a memory box so more personal items are still here and will remain here but it’s just these last bags of clothes/ shoes . They have now been put back into his wardrobe until the foreseeable.

I’m so sorry @Kazzer it sounds so tough for you. I think it’s always so hard to ‘let go’ of the items that remind us of the people we have loved and lost, and it isn’t possible to predict what will be meaningful or what will be difficult to let go. It sounds so caring that you researched what was right for Rob, being a buddhist, and did what was right for him. Maybe, with these last bags, you can give yourself time before you decide? It seems like it’s the kind thing to do, to put them away until you are ready. This is such an indescribably painful time, and being kind to yourself seems like a good way to take care of yourself, when things are already so hard.
Take care

NPM thank you for your kind words I will always try to do what is right for him . Kind regards Karen x

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@Kazzer at the moment keeping those items is the right thing to do for you. You can only pass them on when you feel right about it. I have done most of the clothes and all the footwear now, but still have a few left that I am undecided about. I don’t want a teddy or cushion made out of them. I think it is a lovely idea for those it helps, but that is not for me. I think eventually I will probably just keep one shirt, but it is a gradual process. You will know when the time is right for you, and if it is never right so be it.

Wong thank you so much for your reply I have had a cushion made out of his favourite t shirt but that’s all .
It just feels as if your erasing them don’t it I have got rid of quite a few bags of clothes but for some reason these last couple of bags I just can’t do it .
It’s just so heart wrenching isn’t it .
Thanks again take care Karen x x

Dear Wong

It is approaching 7 months and I cannot bear to even open my husband’s wardrobe. His shoes are still in the shoe basket and only come out when our grandson decides he wants to drag them around our bungalow - he only takes his grandas shoes never mine. Like yourself I do not want a teddy or cushion but my son’s partner has asked if I can get one made for our grandson. Our two kids struggled with their dad’s sudden death so I do not want to do anything that upsets them.

I think at some point I may donate the clothes to a homeless charity but again that is something for another day. At the moment struggling with disposing of his car but financially it has to be done.


Sheila26 I totally understand you I had to send my husbands car back it was a brand new car he only had it six months he loved it , he works 35 years for the nhs and finally got the car he loved .
I didn’t want lots of things made out of his clothes but I have to say I have had one cushion made out of his fav t shirt .
I was doing kind of ok taking his clothes to a charitable cause but for some reason the last bag of clothes are proving to be extremely difficult to take . I have only sorted his clothes everything he owned remains as he left it and to be honest I’m happy with that .
I had a month where I couldn’t do anything as I was having to sort myself out with counciling to help me through some very dark days .
Kind regards and take care x x

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Dear Kazzer

I find my reactions strange at times. I hated his motorbike and got his friends to take all the bike-related equipment away last week but then shed loads of tears because they were part of my husband. Felt really upset and guilty.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this - it is so painful.

Take care.

Sheila26 my husband had double figures of lambretta my son is working on them when he can . Scooters were a big part of our lives before and during our marriage .
It is such a painful lonely time
Kind regards Karen x x

Dear Kazzer

A hobby my husband regrettably started mid-life. Just finding it really hard. Nephew bought round a piece of furniture of his that both my husband and me had loved and had always asked to have first refusal. It meant I have had to get rid of an existing piece of furniture and it was so hard but managed to do it. The bigger hurdles like his clothes not even thinking about at the moment.

You are right it is such a painful and lonely time and I do not see that changing. I have no desire to meet up with people. Everywhere I turn I see couples and it is so heartbreaking.

Take care

Sheila I know what you mean about seeing couples but I try to be positive and not begrudge them what I once had they should relish it because they never know just how long they have it for .
It knocked me for six when my Rob was taken so suddenly with a heart attack at the age of 56 we had been together 34 years and married 33 .
He worked so hard as a mental health nurse .
I’m not jealous of what others have today I’m very privileged that I had it once, some aren’t to fortunate to have loved at all
Take care keep chatting I really think it helps
Xx Karen xx

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Hi Katherine. You are right in stating that what is right for one person is not for another. I had to let go of my husband’s clothes fairly quickly because opening the wardrobe and seeing them made my loss so unbearable. Ron had some lovely shirts he wore on holiday. I couldn’t stand seeing them because they brought back so many memories and I found it so painful even though they were beautiful memories. I kept a couple of shirts and the bob hat he always wore to chemo. I too don’t want a Teddy or cushion. I just know it would cause me such heartache whenever I held it. I still can’t even look at the box of his ashes in the wardrobe. They are a constant reminder he is gone from my life forever. I have accepted he will never come back.

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