I lost my son last year and he was just 16. It was shocking as he never shared his feelings. He never even showed his emotions. He always shows us smiles, laugh, loving and caring. He took his life and I am broken and will never be healed. I am writing this story and my eyes are filled with tears and my heart is crushing like I can’t breathe.
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Hello Santiago22, im so very sorry for the loss of your son…my heart truly goes out to you, no one should lose a precious child…we always try to help our children, sometimes they hide things very well from us, but sometimes it is out of our hands, we want to think they’re ok, or grow out of something that they’re doing, or find better friends…I hope you are not blaming yourself, some of us feel guilty , when a loved one passes, we wonder if we could have done more for them…but it is out of our hands. I hope you have family and friends to offer you support. And counseling might help you as well, ..i hope posting here helps you as well, take care and may God strengthen and comfort you 
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Hello Santiago22, I am so very sorry that you have lost your dear son. I lost my son in the same way, and my heart goes out to you.
You said that your son showed you his smiles, his laughter, and his loving and caring nature. He sounds like he was a very special person, and it is clear how deeply loved he was.
My son had diagnosed mental health difficulties but he still showed his gentle, kind and loving self. He was at his happiest when I lost him, which has made me realise that we can never truly know what someone is feeling underneath, even when they seem okay.
I understand what you mean when you say that your heart is crushing and that it feels as though you can’t breathe. I have felt that unbearable pain too. I have also struggled with guilt and wondered whether I should have noticed more or somehow realised how much distress my son was in.
Have you managed to find any support for yourself? Mind offers peer support and I accessed this when I first lost my son. They can simply spend time with you even if you can’t find the words and just need to cry or sit in silence. There is no judgement, just understanding from people who know something of this kind of pain. I also accessed NHS talking therapy later which helped me in a different way. Please try to be kind to yourself. It can sound strange when you are hurting this deeply. It did to me too. But my therapist helped me understand that caring for myself wasn’t forgetting my son or loving him any less. It was simply giving myself some of the same kindness and compassion that I would give to someone I loved who was suffering. Sending you much love and hugs 
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