Why

I lost my husband last September, but my family seem to think that I’m not supposed to be grieving anymore, I m having few low days where I am missing him so much, they make me feel guilty for missing him, always saying ‘you can do this’, ‘you’re a strong person’ I’m not you know, everyday is a struggle to be normal am I supposed to be not grieving anymore? I miss his cuddles, his laugh they don’t understand that.

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I have always been the strongest person my family and friends have ever met but I can’t imagine being that person again. I am consumed by grief (9 weeks) and maybe it will get easier but I can’t imagine how long it when and for some it is quicker others longer.

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Just over 5 weeks in for me and already everyone is acting like I should be over it. It’s bizarre how people act. They have no idea what it feels like to be so alone, have no one to share anything with, no one to hold hands with, no one to cuddle. How are we supposed to “do this” and “move on”? I know exactly what you mean about feeling guilty for grieving. I am constantly acting how other people want me to rather than how I actually feel. I’m spending more time alone so I don’t have to put on a front for the sake of other people.

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God your story is horrible, ignore your family and just be you, grief and all. I lost my husband 15 months ago and I’m still screaming. People say the right things but I feel totally alone and I think people think I should be over it now. Talk soon xxx.

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I’ve gone past pleasing others… they want you to say you are moving on so they don’t have to “support” you anymore. I sound mean but I’m not, just realistic. I didn’t know what gruff was until I lost my husband, life is shit x

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Ring me if you need to talk

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That is why I spend a lot of time away from others who just don’t understand. Someone stopped me in the street when I was getting a newspaper. She was from church. She knew I prefer to watch it on zoom than attend. However, she expected me to just attend there and then. I couldn’t.
She lost her husband previously but assumed I would feel like she did which was the opposite of what I do feel like.
I am not looking forward to going to my son’s 40th birthday party with 50 people now rain is forecast and can’t spill ouside as planned as it ould be windy too. But have to make an effort.
I dread having to be asked the inevitable stuff.

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I think everyone’s grief is different. A lot of years ago I knew two people who were widowed, They were miles apart in age but one was ready for a relationship after 6 months the other it was 9 years, though their love was the same for their partners. Me? I won’t love again… in the beginning people pushed me to do things thinking it was helping, I think they called it tough love but I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts and to scream now and then.

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Yes gladvi am not only one. However i went to my son’s 4th no one said anything I was dreading.
We did go outside.
Found nice to know folk ate my trifle and little cakes. But did tire me out. So was grateful.
Wanted to support my son. Nice to see his mates rallied round him knowing he had lost his dad.
I was so anxious and needn’t have been.

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Oops typos sons 40th not 4th pressed se d too early

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Elsie, I read your post and I completely understand. Your heart Must be breaking. Everyone grieves differently. I’m finding that talking about my wife helps. I talk to our friends and tell them how fantastic, beautiful and generous she was. I get upset when I talk about her but I feel better after a good cry with friends because they loved her too.

My wife died recently, she was only 53 years old. I’m 48. She was the love of my life.

If you’d like a chat about your husband and the things you used to do together or the unique things that made him yours drop me a line. You’d be helping me too.

Yours,
Ellis

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Lost my husband, friend and soulmate on 3rd April 2022. That’s when “normal” life stopped and the nightmare crept up on me. I barely remember the first few months let alone the time he died. They say the brain blocks things as a form of protection, mine certainly did. I got the comments that my husband had a good “innings” and was told “you’ve got this” got what? I got pain I’d never felt, I got massive weight and hair loss. I remember going to the t theatre with my daughter and grandkids and I lost it, quietly but my not quite 7 grandson told his mum that nanny was crying. Tissues were passed but I just wanted out of there to run and scream, I still want to do that

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Hi Ellis
I like to talk about my husband and people do
Listen though our daughter can’t talk about him yet… I’m sorry your wife died so young.
I keep wondering when the pain will stop and I’m glad I’ve found this site and that my thoughts and feelings are shared by others. This grief is the worst experience of my life. Sending love x

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Hi Ellis
My husband died 5 weeks ago age 58.
Sudden cardiac arrest at home - so traumatic.
The funeral is Tuesday & I’m dreading it to be honest. I feel guilty for dreading it!
I want to send him off in the best way possible but just the thought of it overwhelms me!
Any advice?

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Hi I’m sorry for your loss, I know what you are going through as my husband died suddenly at home too, only you know what your husband would like as his goodbye, do what you feel is right, take help if its offered, take care of yourself.

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Hello everyone I am so sorry for you all. Losing a partner so young and suddenly like me . The funeral is such a difficult time . You can’t believe it it happening . I was sweating and couldn’t stop vomiting from afterwards… It’s getting easier at 11 weeks . I can’t think too far forward as the thought of so many years I have to live without my Andrew is horrific .

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I’m so sorry for what everyone is going through. If anyone wants to talk about it please email me directly… elliscrow@yahoo.co.uk. I’m finding that talking about it really helps. My wife’s funeral is on Wednesday 9th August. Her name was Sue. She was the most amazing person and made me the best version of myself x

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It’s horrible isn’t it. I was taken into hospital on the day of my husbands funeral with low oxygen levels, they were brilliant and got me home for the 2.30 funeral. I remember being in the ambulance and they turned o the ignition key and the record “if you leave me now” by Chicargo bleeted out, I truly thought I’d died and at least had gone somewhere else, it was like being on another planet. I thought life couldn’t get much worse, just a few hours before I’d been laughing with my husband and then he was gone. Night sending love xxx

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