What have I done to deserve this
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Nothing. It’s not your fault. It’s life natural end but we can’t control when or how. And yes, I’ve gone through the why me, why him. We’ll never know and torturing yourself over it will just make you ill and so sad.
We’ll never know why. My question is where are you? But another unanswered question. I’m a need to know and need proof type of person. So I struggle with not knowing where he is. Is life just done or does he exist in sone form. Why can’t I feel him around me as I expected. Although a psychic said he was with me everyday! Why why why! So many questions that will never get answered till it’s my turn. I have to let them go or it will eat me up.
It does nothing but torture me and make me miserable.
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I always say when you times up it is there’s nothing you can do. The journey has been horrific he was abroad and everything has been a fight. Nothing has been easy 3 causes of death lost belongings. Foreign death certificate by email that a pension doesn’t know if it will accept it
Post mortem in the uk
He was the earner
11 year old autistic son who we met every need struggling on my own
And the in laws from hell
Hitting breaking point 
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Omg that is a lot of stress to be dealing with. Your done alone will be hard enough. The transition alone for him and his .understanding will be hard for you. To now have to do that alone is huge without everything else.
Life sucks doesn’t it! But we find a way forward we always do. Kicking and screaming sometimes but we get through the day. At times I feel lucky with my situation when compared to others.
Persist with the pension, he died, you’re entitled and it doesn’t matter where he died. Fight that one. I’m sorry it’s been so shit for you.
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I’ll keep plodding
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They have to give you his pension . Why do these companies cause so much stress . I am so sorry @Sah28 . I hope the days get better . Reach out and get ever benefit you deserve xxx
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I believe they are always with us when my husband passed 3 weeks ago we had signs the lamp flashing very brightly and it went on for around 3 days i know it was him my dad did it too when he passed my husband knew how much it gave me comfort i know when its my time he will be there waiting for me this is what keeps me going we have to believe 
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They legal department will decide no cause of death either and they want that
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I know he’s been here. But it’s not way I want him here
@Sah28 after 7 months I still say why. I often shake my fist at his urn and shout why. Life is so unfair and cruel. I question have I been a bad person and now being punished then I remember my son who is 23 and my husband who was 53 haven’t done anything wrong. Why would they be punished. I was told that I am going through the bargaining stage of grief. If, what, but, why. I am so sorry that you are going through this with the added stress. Must be a nightmare for you. Hope you are getting support. Take care and big hugs xx
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If I didn’t have the 3 lads I’d have never got up on a morning they keep me going
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Hopefully they will be your rock in time. Remember one step at a time and reach out when you need too. Thinking of you all Xx
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Days are manageable but once I get into bed I’m broke
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Think of you
Take one small step at a time.
I know the same happens to me when i get into our bed the tears keep coming it us only 9weeks but it feels like yesterday.
Please look after yourself x
I feel for you l have a autistic son who is 36, his sister died suddenly at nearly 22 in2006.
Last year my husband died suddenly from a massive heart attack whilst on holiday. Both my parents are dead.
So yea l know where you are coming from, in the middle of the night it hits me that there is only me and my son left.
Having had to perform CPR on both my daughter and my husband has took its toll. I only keep going for my son, god forbid anything happens to him that’s me done
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