just reading all the comments and my heart goes out to everyone that has lost someone and this Covid19 does not help at all feel our groups are going to increase in numbers in the way ahead, I’m with Way Up and also JDs for the ladies, the Way up is for for both and all over the country without them not sure what I would have done, made so many friends and they are a great support I’ve been a widow now for coming up to 7 years the hardest is the first year trying to cope with our new way of life and finding our feet and coping best we can. Take care all and sending my very best wishes thinking of you at this time. x
Hello Sue. Thank you for your post and bringing Wayup to the attention of other grievers. I’ve tried Wayup and it wasn’t for me but I appreciate that there are those who get an enormous amount from being a member. It’s very different from our Sue Ryder forum in that members meet up for organised meals, walks and other events. I know one person who has really gotten into it and enjoys it immensely. However, your post brought to mind another post written a while ago by a lovely lady on this forum, as follows:
'The membership of a club is not for me. I will not let my grief define who I am, define the life I live and most importantly define my thoughts and feelings for my husband.
'My sadness and grief is only a small part of who I am today. The love and happiness he brought into my life many years ago is a far, far bigger part of all that I am.
I suppose all I’m trying to say is, and this is my opinion only, signing up to be members of clubs means we’re changing our mindset. All that we have always really been as people. Defining ourselves as widows, widowers, grieving individuals. I don’t want to join any clubs. I want to stay married and in love with my hubby, stay the person I have always been, living my life the way I always have, whilst holding my husband close. Just as I always did. I guess I’m a social member. Like I am at the local golf club. I go in there occasionally to meet up with friends. I don’t play golf though and I haven’t any interest in knowing the rules of the game. A bit like the SR forum. I drop in occasionally to catch up with friends but, I don’t want to join the grief club as a full member and I don’t want to know the rules that I’m supposed to adhere to. I refuse to be defined by my current situation. This is just a sad chapter in my book of love, happiness and smiles. The book defines me. Not the chapter.’
Perhaps I should point out, that is not the post in it’s entirety and I apologise for referring to someone else’s words but the simple truth is I couldn’t put it any better than that. Her words were as near perfect as I could ever speak. Her opinion is my opinion. But that’s all it is - my opinion. Others do of course think differently and have their own opinions. You obviously get a great deal from Wayup Sue and I’m pleased for you. For me, Sue Ryder is quite adequate and has given me great comfort. Xx
I joined WAYUP and could not go to meetings for quite a long time - but joined in a quiz group in January - and such a lovely group. Now look forward to online quiz evenings with them on Thursdays and Saturdays. It really helps in this lockdown situation.
Take care all x
I would agree everyone is different. I was never part of a social scene -did not need it with Gary - but I found my evenings quiet and empty. I enjoy people and missed talking - even though I work almost full time (though not at present as I am on furlough). I have never been one for hobbies - and not tv either -so was determined not to sit looking at the four walls - as inevitably made me immerse myself in just missing him even more. What I did find though is the group I joined do not talk about their grief or missing their partners - only in passing sometimes - it is a jolly group who are all doing good things and we are as likely to talk about gardening as we are about music or projects - it is most certainly not a grief club. But as you say everyone is different in how they cope with things day to day and we all do what is best for us. SR is of course very important to me and that is where I bare my feelings.
I joined WayUp and found it was not for me but interestingly, due to not ending my membership, I got an email from Gaynor the founder of WayUp UK. It was advising members to refrain from breaking away from the main group and to stay faithful (my words). I’m not sure what could have happened to trigger such an email. I heard about WayUp through a friend. I certainly would not have wanted to hear about it in a response to my early posts on Sue Ryder.