I lost my husband of 26 years together on March 4th. Me and our three children were with him and I’m struggling with unbearable pain. My daughter feels the same and we can’t get his last moments out of our minds - it’s torturing us . I also have never felt pain like it and don’t know how to deal with it - it moves between crying and anger and feeling I will be ok - I went back to work 2 days later as couldn’t cope with sitting at home when he should be there . I also need to earn to pay for the funeral and our children . Work helps me focus and gives my mind a break. He was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 2 years ago - I’m utterly lost 
5 Likes
Sorry for your loss
I lost my partner to stage 4 colon cancer nearly 9 months ago. We fought it for best part of a year, but it spread to her liver and was just too aggressive and treatment resistant.
It’s very early days and this is a difficult period.
Try focus on one day at a time and one task at a time - if you look beyond that it becomes overwhelming
There’s no easy answers - have to find what works best for you on this terrible journey, regardless what others think, and follow that path
Stay strong
4 Likes
Sorry for your loss jdn. I was about to retire to look after my wife who was seriously ill to say the least. She past away just before I did, we would have struggled but Kay came first, I decided to carry on working afterwards, partly because I had to and partly to keep me occupied. As others have said there is no easy journey, we have to do what feels right for you and yours. No one is right or wrong, we take it however we can cope BUT there is always support on here whether you just read or post
1 Like
Me and my mum are 4 months on from losing my dad to stage 4 cancer, just 4 months after diagnosis. It was all so sudden and a complete shock to the system (to say the least). We both spent weeks on end reliving and talking about his illness, the last weeks, the last hours, reliving the pain and agony and tears. It’s very, very difficult to remove their suffering and sickness from your mind, it really is. Why does our brain want to torture us when we have so many happy memories we could fill it with instead??
The only way I got through those first few months was living literally hour to hour. There were very hard days, endless tears, panick attacks, not eating, screaming, dark thoughts. But now we are starting to build a routine together, cinema once a month and Nandos, drama series on Netflix, coffee dates. We talk about him all the time, but I’ve noticed that we talk a little bit more about happy memories now than we do sad ones, although we still go over those traumatising weeks, and just how unfair and criminal it all was…is.
I wish you all the best for your future, and I promise you from my heart, the load will feel lighter as time goes on. Don’t think too far ahead, and try to chase bad memories that make you anxious and sad. You will smile again xxx
3 Likes
So sorry for your loss. All of the emotions you describe are all normal.
Everyone grieves differently, but disbelief, anger, hopelessness we all feel.
Im sorry its been so traumatic for you and your family. My wife died at home and i was her carer.
In my circumstances i felt compelled to get rid of all reminders of my wife being ill and vowed only to remember her healthy and happy.
After all the hospital equipment went back i got rid of the single sheets and quilts , nighties underwear, the chest of drawers that held them, the bedside cabinets that held her medicine.
Two bags for life full of medicines went back to Boots.
I know it sounds severe, but its the right thing for me. My head and heart were on a different planet , but i decided that i wouldnt try and sort all the paperwork till after the funeral.
Of course you didnt want your husband to go, but his pain is over and he’s at rest now.
He sounds like a wonderful husband and father and he lives on in your heart and memories.
None of us know how to cope with this, but we have to. You know your man wants the best for you and it helps to remind yourself of this regularly
2 Likes
Sorry for your loss,i try and take and take one one day at at a time my husband died just over 2 months ago
3 Likes
You can get a funeral payment from the government if you are struggling. Good luck.
1 Like
So sorry for your loss ,my husband died from pancreatic cancer and lung cancer 19th January this year ,Try and take one day at a time .My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time
3 Likes