Hello everyone. I am a newbie here as my darling husband only passed away 2 weeks ago. He was diagnosed with cancer and died 10 weeks later. He was 60. Like many of you we were inseparable and did everything together. We were hiking 6 miles in early summer, so the cancer was such a shock. I keep thinking of all the places we loved to visit and the thought of never going to them with him ever again is breaking my heart. At the moment I am so busy organising the funeral etc that I haven’t really had time to start grieving. I’m very scared of when it will hit me.
10 Likes
Hello, I’m so sorry for your loss, I too was shocked by my husbands sudden illness and death. It’s been overwhelming and I am heartbroken, there is a lot of support on this forum, keep checking and posting it really helps to share your grief with others who are going through the same thing. Mostly well meaning friends and family have no idea how it feels. Take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself, hugs x
1 Like
Hi @Littlewhitebird im so so sorry for your loss…
I lost my husband who I have been with for 20 years , 9 weeks ago… he was the fittest healthiest person I knew, running half marathons regularly and always done a 13 mile run on a Sunday. He turned 40 on 17th July, to go into hospital with some stomach pains on the 27th (our little girls 9th birthday) to then be told on the 28th he had stage 4 metastatic colorectal disease. It was too late for chemotherapy and his liver shut down aswell as infections and clots. He sadly lost his battle after 6 weeks of fighting for his life, leaving me and our 3 children just absolutely devastated and completely lost and alone in this world…
I was numb and running on auto pilot for the first few weeks and to be honest I thought “I can get through this” but then it hit me just over a week ago…
all I can say is please speak to people. I joined this online community nearly 2 weeks ago and even though it will never mend my heart, or make what’s happened go away, everyone here is there to support each other.
Sending all my love xx
2 Likes
Oh gosh @Scarl34 how dreadful. He was so young. Cancer is such a horrific disease. Praying for you and your children.
2 Likes
He was! I thought we had sooo many years left together!! Planning our time when the kids were older and had their own families, going on holidays just relaxing side by side… now I’m Petrified of my kids growing up and leaving me, because Il have no one and then I don’t think I will be able to live x
2 Likes
@Littlewhitebird how similar all our stories are. Fit active men stolen suddenly from us. I found organising the funeral gave me a lot of comfort and hopefully you will feel the same. When will it end ? I cant answer that. I believe in some ways it wont and I am not sure I want it too. Grief is the love we had. I will say this forum has been a Godsend. I also contacted Marie Curie and had weekly chats with one of their volunteers. That also helped.
Good luck and do take care of yourself. Take it a day at a time. Xx
2 Likes
@andrea9 I agree about the funeral planning. I am finding it a comfort - although I keep wanting to tell Trevor about things! He was always the person I wanted to talk to about anything that was happening in my life. His funeral is next Friday and I am actually dreading it all being over. What do I do then?
2 Likes
@Littlewhitebird . After the funeral is really hard. Try and plan to do one thing everyday even if it as small as washing your hair. Don’t think too fat ahead. As we say 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Take all the help that is offered now as it will soon disappear as people get back into their regular routines. Vent in here whenever you want. No one to judge or expect as we have all been there. Good luck and try and stay strong. Xx. Sandra
4 Likes
I’ve heard that said, take offers of help of they disappear, trouble is you don’t want anything just now, it’s all so hard
1 Like
@Kathy6 . I only hope you don’t experience what many of us have after or just before a funeral. A general problem. Mine was minor in many ways. My freezer door was left partially open and I nearly lost a freezer full of food as it frosted up completely. Others have had leaks, floods, plumbing problems. Someone I contact via e mail had her heating stop working and a leak that brought her ceiling down. These can be totally debilitating. Help won’t disappear immediately at least not in my case but it will wane. Don’t forget your GP as a re source and you can self refer for NHS bereavement counselling. Lists are essential with widows brain fog. All I am saying is if anyone offers help in anyway grab it with both hands. Xx
2 Likes
@Littlewhitebird It’s good to have the service to focus on, it gave me a lot of comfort to go through the music, photos and memories. I know what you mean about dreading it being over, I felt that somehow once it was done my wife would be forgotten. It’s been almost a year for me now, and it’s been very all over the place, but she’s never left my life. I’ve learned to carry her along with me. Enjoy celebrating his life
3 Likes
Not hard for me to do anyway … hes always in my heart … he was very special to me … x
2 Likes
How beautifully put. Carried in our hearts forever.
1 Like
Oh that’s a dreadful shock and with a young family to care for too.
Hi - 4 months in for me. Lost my wife to cancer. She battled for 12 months, she was 57 and I am the same age. Some good days and some bad ones. Try to keep busy, I seem to be living at the gym atm joining just about every class I can. To stay fit and socialise a bit as well. Son at home who is 23 (so big help to me as someone still in the house) but sometimes very difficult indeed. Spent quite a bit of the day today crying and wishing she was here (but she isnt). The odd thing for me is I was with my wife for 30 years and we did everything together - she was my best freind as well, We loved eachother so much. Iam 57 and recently was asked out by another woman at the gym (she didnt know I was a widower). Only to go on a walk and go for coffee. Very nice woman who is divorced. I felt so guilty in saying yes (felt as though it wasnt allowed as I had to grieve for longer before I could accept a invitation to go out) but not sure how long it has to be? Feel so lonely without my wife, but sitting at home on my own every weekend is killing me. Why do I feel guilt? so unfair. So all sorts of emotions hitting me atm…
1 Like
Don’t feel guilty. I am sure your wife would want you to be happy.
1 Like
hiya- you stay strong as well –
i know she did - we had time before she died and she told me this - ''dont be sitting around in a dark room on your own crying- get up, get out and meet someone nice ((how strong was she)…doesnt take away the feeling of guilt for meeting up with someone else though --strange feelings…
1 Like