I lost my husband 3 years ago when I was 44 and he was 50. He had a very sudden and shock diagnoses of cancer and we got married in hospital, 8 days later he was gone. Then last year I lost my mum to cancer too
I am not doing so well. I thought I was but I’m not. I have 4 children…2 adults with their own lives and small grandchildren and 2 teenagers, the youngest is 14.
I am so lonely, friends have their own lives and their own social lives, I sit alone all the time, the teenagers are out all the time and are rude and unhelpful ( they are all great kids but typical teens) no invites anywhere, no family either…they’re all dead, my only sibling lives abroad. I do try and get out to a craft group once a week but they tend to sit and talk about their husbands and elderly parents which I find very hard. I never used to mind doing things alone but lately I’ve no motivation to do this, what’s the point and the summer holidays are torture these days. I do work but only term time
I miss my husband and my mum so much, I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Hi @ghostmous344
I’m so sorry that you have had so much loss and are struggling so much at the moment.
You really have had a lot to contend with at such a young age and it’s amazing that you have been coping alone for all this time.
Do your friends know how you are feeling or do you hide it from them ? Perhaps it would help to join some other activity groups and try to widen your social circle.
Would it help to get some counselling so you could try and work through some of that heavy grief you are carrying.
Or perhaps you could make an appointment with your GP - your grief has maybe developed into a more significant low mood and you may need some treatment. Are you looking after yourself - eating, resting etc ?
Sorry - that’s loads of questions and sadly I don’t think I have any answers for you.
I’m only 5 months into this horrible journey and also have 4 children, 2 of whom are teens - so I can appreciate how much you have had to deal with.
Keep posting here if it helps. It’s good to have some support and understanding and a safe place to offload.
Sending love and hugs for you xx
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Thank you for replying and for your lovely words. I have been on anti depressants for 3 years but I think they’re not working anymore so probably time to go back to the doctors for a review,
I thought that by now I’d be forging a new life albeit on my own, I didn’t expect to feel this rubbish still, friends have told me that I need to just get on with things now and stop feeling sorry for myself and that my husband would be cross seeing me like this, makes me feel like a failure
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You are absolutely not a failure!! It sounds like your ‘friends’ are failing you!! Please see your GP, that’ll be a good starting point and be gentle and kind to yourself xx
Your definitely not a failure, we all feel like that i definitely do. I lost my husband 4 weeks ago we had been married 16 years and together for 19. Im now 38 and on my own with 2 children 3 and 7, they are both deaf so conversation is limited (bsl) and i miss being able to have someone to talk to amd share with. Do you have a friend close by or a local support group with meeting to meet people in your situation.
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None of those friends have any idea what you are going through and how devastating it is to lose your husband. Especially when you are trying your best to support your children - and they are teenagers.
It truly is the most difficult thing you will ever have to do.
Be kind to yourself and just try to do one thing at a time.
If you can find any headspace at all, try and think of the things that you would like to change or be able to do , and then think of what is stopping you. Sometimes there might be valid and real reasons you are unable to move things on, but maybe try find one small change you are able to make which might make you feel a bit better.
See if it helps.
I might even try and take some of my own advice to help me move on !!!
But it is so hard I know.
Just keep trying - one day at a time. Xxx
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Hello ghostmous344, I’m 53 and my husband died at 58 in April after diagnosis end of December.
It may be that your Mum passing away so close to losing your husband has triggered confusing feelings for your brain to make sense of, which is not something you can control without help. Your Dr may be able to give you guidance.
I’m in Devon, my Dr guided me to a Bereavement Advisor and also asked the Social Prescriber to contact me, which they have (help to be part of life and activities again. I haven’t used this yet as I’m ok at making myself busy, it’s being still and alone with my thoughts and an empty home I struggle with).
We’ve had a traumatic time. Baby steps to move forward 
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