My situation is that my husband died in January 2025 aged 85. His death was unexpected even though he was suffering from several long term medical issues. Although he was 12-13 years older than me, we had a wonderful long marriage and he was as sharp on the day of his death as he ever was. My issue is that I have a mother aged 97 and who was only 10 years to the day older than my late husband. My mother, who lives alone (with carers) just over 10 miles from me, is extremely needy and has been for years, including in the years of my husband’s illnesses, death, funeral and the aftermath. Her lack of empathy caused me enormous pain during this period and, sadly, her needs and wants - she is frail but not ill - continue to dominate my life. She pretty much regards me now as the traditional spinster daughter, whose role was to care for their parents until their death - and make me feel that I have no future. I’m not suicidal but frankly couldn’t care less if I knew that I would be dead soon. In fact I would welcome it. I do my best for her and, at the same time, am trying to create a life for myself but feel that any prospect of a normal independent life for someone of my age, while I am still healthy, will elude me. My friends sympathise and acknowledge that I am in a very odd situation because they are mainly couples of my age, with long dead parents. Is there anyone out there is a similar situation?
Hello @Gigi007 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - thank you for having the courage to share this with us. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband after such a long and loving marriage. It sounds incredibly difficult to be grieving while also feeling responsible for your elderly mother’s needs, with little space to focus on your own life and future. Many of our members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one, so you’re among people who understand some of what you’re going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out if you feel able to, and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex